Got told yesterday that ds2 is showing lots of autistic markers. I've said this for years. Am so dreading telling him though.

[CuriousMama]

Ds2 is 11 and has had a few problems in school. He isn't naughty he just laughs at the wrong time and can't stop. Also isn't concentrating. I mentioned to his teacher I suspected autism (it's rife in my family) but I've said this for years to drs etc.. so had almost given up being heard. Anyway, they had someone in to assess him. I got a call from the nurse at camhs (who's seen him for his button phobia) and she made an appointment to talk to me on Monday. I felt so worried I got her to ring me and she said that the assessment had pointed to autism. Even though I've always known, you do don't you? It was still such a shock and I was no good yesterday. So sad, crying for my poor boy. He's been so misunderstood and now he's 11, finally he should get the right help.

I have so many emotions. Sadness, anger, worry. I'm angry that even though he's been seeing a SALT for years because of his trouble with inferences, no one noticed. Even though I told drs, nurse, teachers, I was told I was wrong. One nurse said he can't be autistic he has an imagination!

Ds2 had to move schools in yr 5 and move town. He took so long to settle in and would cry so much. He loves his school now and is looking forward to comp but I wish I could've prevented us moving but we had to. He took the split with dh and me badly too. He's had so many changes and I know this is harder for autistic dcs

Now I'll have to tell him although am waiting until a final dx but I'll be very surprised if they say he isn't? I'm so dreading it. But I do have to tell him don't I? He knows dcs with autism. One of my niece's dss is autistic plus he has adhd too. A close friend's son is too. Plus family members but he doesn't know them so well. So he does know about autism as I've always expained why these boys behave the way they do.

I'm having to stop myself cuddling him too much. He is allowing me a few cuddles though I just want to wrap him up and run away for a while with him and spoil him to bits. I told ds1 that it looks like ds2 is autistic and he's taken it well and because he's good friends with my friend's ds who's autistic, so understands more than a lot of dcs his age (14).

So I'll know more on Monday. Just wanted to write it down in a place with likeminded people. I have spoken to my neice and she's been helpful.

Hi curiousmama. I've seen your other post. I'm sorry it looks likely your DS has ASD, but it's good that he's hopefully getting a DX at long last. You may find that he takes the news a lot better than you! It's part of who he is and it may help him to understand his own difficulties better. Any problems he has are not because he's stupid or being badly behaved, they are because his brain works differently to NT people. Ie, put the most positive spin on it. Because it's not the end of the world, you know that, it won't change him at all, but it may help him to be better understood and supported.

My DS2, who's 12 was DXed at 3 so I didn't have the same issues to deal with as you, but I only really sat him down to tell him when he was 11, as before that it would have been over his head. He 'knows' he's different, but he's not at all bothered by it, we're lucky in that respect. His 14 yo brother has always known and only grudgingly makes any allowances! (DS3 makes no allowances, another story.)

Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to be upset, it's what you need, then carry on anyway.

Curious unmumsnetty hug- shh
Not so long ago my DS was diagnosed with High functioning ASD. Like you I spent a few days being a wet rag before I pulled it back. I kinda knew but it's different when the diagnosis arrives- it extinguishes the hope that everything will be OK.
Since then, I have had no ''big talk'' with Ds but gradually introduced it to him. Left a book lying around and he asked me 'whats Aspergers'. He is very auditory defensive so we have always talked about his sensitive ears etc etc. So now, I have got him to a point where he accepts that he find running/turn-taking/noise/pretend hard because of his sensitive ears/Aspergers and we use the terms intermixed. He's 8, so he has a few years yet to take it fully on board.
Someone advised me not to fret about it but to introduce it at his pace: what they want to know they will ask about.

Thank you for your post EJ. Yes you're right he may take the news better than me? He does say 'I have problems' and other statements similar to this so knowing why may be a comfort in some way? He asked why his teachers hate him so much the other day. All because he has so much SATS homework. I said they don't hate you son they want you to do as well as you can.

Thanks WannaBe. That's a good idea about the book. I could let him read it on the net? Ds2 notices everything. He was barely through the door on Sunday and noticed dp's new glasses. DS1 is what is termed 'gifted' and would never have noticed. But ds2 is so very observant.

There are positives to autism I know that, he has so many gifts. I said to him this morning 'you're so good with young children and animals' He was being very lovely with the dog, as usual. He said 'Am I mam?' with such a proud look on his face There's a boy in his school who has adhd and adores ds2. He shouted out in assembly the other day 'I love J....' (ds2) DS2 said 'I was sooooo embarassed mam' DS2's name is quite unique so everyone knew it was him.

Embarrassed!

There's a book called 'Cats have Aspergers' or something like that which is often recommended.

Thanks I'll get it.

Ordered it online at the library thanks again.

DS2 had his SALT assessment in school today. I went along and he did ok. When he went back to class I explained to her about the autism and she said he'll have a new team and she doubts she'll be back?

They may have ASD specialist SALTs, they do in my LA. May be why your current SALT never picked anything up, if she's not usually working with DC with ASD? Still surprising, though as it must be a common cause of communication problems.

Hi Curious, don't be hard on yourself - some things like having to move are just not preventable. If he already knows a bit about autism and has been struggling at school it might be a kind of a relief in a way for him to be able to put a name to the way he's feeling, and to know he's not alone in having those feelings and difficulties. I have an 8 year old with Asperger's, and I really like this book Can I tell you about Asperger's. It's very simply written and quite short so it's easy for children to understand. NAS also produce a lot of good leaflets, some of which are free like this one

Curiousmama,

I would seriously consider applying for a statement of special needs for your son if this is not already in place. Has anyone ever mentioned the word statement to you?.

IPSEA's website is good at the whole statementing process and there are model letters you can use www.ipsea.org.uk. Secondary school can be very hard for children with additional needs whose needs are not or do not get met.

You are your child's best - and only - advocate here. No-one else is better placed than you to fight his corner for him, this is also because no-one else will.

Be kind to yourself then be the best advocate to your son you can be.

Thanks for the links suburbandream.

ATM he is classed as SN at school. Won't his team inform the school he goes to? I'll apply anyway though, thanks.