Can you help me support my friends and her autistic son?

[10miles]

Forgive me, I admit I am hopelessly ill informed, so I hope I don't say anything stupid and upset anyone.

My friend has an autistic 11yo son. He is very bright, but struggles socially and is easily upset by his peers. He's in a mainstream school and some bullies children have picked up on the fact that he's easy to wind up. They say things that to other children would be banter or jokes, not really horrible, but horrible when taken literally and always aimed at the same person. He then shouts at them to stop, which of course they find hilarious

The school are trying to support him, he has a safe place he can go to when it all gets too much etc and he has a card to take to the teacher if the class noise level is upsetting him, but these result in him leaving the classroom, my friend feels it should be the others who are removed.

I think I see what the school are trying to do, teaching him to deal with it because it's not ever going to stop completely, but my friend feels he's getting no support from the school at all. What should the school be doing?

Can she ask to see their SEN and anti-bullying policies?

What's happening to those doing the bullying? What sanctions have been imposed? Are the bullies parents aware? Most schools put bullies on lesson report cards at a minimum.

It's important the bullies learn to desist as eventually the victim often strikes back with disproportianate force when they hit breaking point. People end up in hospital.

Putting ALL the responsiblity on the victim is just plain wrong. Agree she needs to start with the anti-bullying policy.

He needs more support. He isn't just going to 'learn to deal with it' by leaving the poor sod to cope with being treated like this. I am so angry. (my children have autism)

Your friend should demand a statement review (you have the right to call one early) and demand more hours support and a proper plan to protect him from this!

The school should deal with this under their anti-bullying policy and deal with the bullies. The bullies should not be in a position to treat him like this. where are the staff who should be saying hey stop that right now?

It seems the school are taking the view that it's not bullying, it's him who "over-reacts" and that he needs to learn not to do so. If any one event was reported individually, it would seem that was the case e.g telling him the world will end on Thursday makes him upset because he believes it. They feel they are doing what needs to be done in removing him from inflammatory situations. They don't think the other children need punishing for such "minor" crimes.

It's a lot of different children saying something occasionally, rather than the same couple everyday iyswim, but it does mean the boy is upset nearly everyday.

Bollocks (their view). It's bullying. And the school are being arses.

He does not overreact. He has autism.

I want to pitch up at that school and slap the bloody senco, tbh. Do they understand nothing about the condition?

And what support have they put in place to help him learn to not overreact? If that is what they are saying needs to happen (which is bollocks anyway) but let's just all lose our marbles and say that ok, he needs to learn to not overreact . What plan have the school put in place to work towards that goal?

If the answer is anything other than "nothing, they expect him to just do it" I shall strip naked and streak through active convos.

If he takes things said to him so literal he will always find it hard to deal with bullies, in jokes and general banter. The school are dealing with this in the easiest way they can, they have provided him with a quiet space and a 'get out' card. When it gets too much for him he can go and be quiet and calm down. This in itself is a great idea but only if he has all the other support it sounds like he needs.

Does he have a one-to-one or someone who helps him in class? A helper could help him discuss what they have said and enable him to see the comments which are clearly false and help him to ignore them.
The school do need to see this as bullying. The kids have marked out a child who reacts in a different way and they then say things for their own amusement.
I would encourage your friend to go into school and ask them to outline all the ways they are dealing with his autism and what they are doing to eliminate any bullying

Thank you for your replies

My friend has been to numerous meetings at the school and lots of strategies have been put in place to try and help him, but it seems to take a very long time to get small things done. e.g. it is important to him that he sits in the same desk in each classroom and for a long-time he was being punished for pointing out that someone was in his seat, but that issue is now resolved, only to be replaced with others.

There is a named support worker (?) who he can go to between lessons and at lunchtimes and who helps him plan his day, but she's not with him in class.