My child set fire to his bedroom carpet this morning

[colditz]

I really did not think he would ever do this (who does???) as he has never shown an interest in fire before. He's nearly nine and has ASD and ADHD.

I am now TERRIFIED.

he is so very very good at hiding the things he obsesses over until he can play with them 'in peace'. It used to be scissors (sharp and destructive) but that was when he was 5 and 6. All my duvet covers have little holes in, his curtains used to have holes in (I took them down).

Now this. A million times more dangerous.

I am honestly hyper vigilent, I really am, but all it takes is for him to pick up a match and slide it into his pants. He's like a druggie when it comes to hiding his stashes of 'naughty' things.

I've banned him from having his bedroom door closed at all, or from playing upstairs without an adult up there, But I have to sleep at some point.

Any ideas?

No matches or lighters where he can access them (such as in a locked container if need be).

Extra smoke detectors in the house, specifically one in his room.

It's these type of things I worry about when DS2 gets older. He's 5yo right now, and there are still 2 safety gates that he cannot get through yet, and the OT arranged for us to have a locking stable type door on our kitchen, so that he cannot get to the cooker (another obsession, which we turn off at the switch). But I do worry about how we're going to handle these things when he is older and can move about the house more easily.

Yikes. Would a stern warning about smoke inhalation from fire man help?

I have a lock on my living room door, it's a deadlock but I already sleep with the key next to my head (as the lighter was).

I am at my wits end. He is SO clever and SO silly. I told him he could havce died. I told him that if I ever caught him with anything capable of making fire again, I would take him straight to the fire station to be told off by firemen

What I mean is, he managed to sneak the lighter (for my candle) from 4 inches from my face. I know he'll have done it in the middle of the night. What's to stop him doing the same with the keys? He's never dared before now, but now he KNOWS I didn't wake up, he will try it every night.

I'm going to leave the PC on tonight, so that if he does manage to sneak down if will hopefully trap him with it's magic glow before he gets to the kitchen.

I need a coded lock on the kitchen door, I think.

I've caught him making porridge at 2am before - hence living room door lock.

Have you accounted for all the lighters and matches in the house?

Can you get rid of them all?

put all the matches and lighters (or anything he can use to make a fire) in a safe with a coded keypad. Then there's no key for him to find.

yes I only had that one anyway.

I'm trying to think of a consequence that will sink into his head.

Such as - removal of all electrical items including lamp (fire hazard) and removal of everything made of paper (as this is what he was setting fir to)

Does anyone think that will work?

Andnow he's asleep and he looks like he was created by angels and dropped into my arms to make the world a brighter place

colditz - it depends. Those types of consequences only work in certain situations with DS2, and it really all depends on what frame of mind he is in. As soon as he is rattled, it all goes out the window. He also has ASD/ADHD and the impulses can override EVERYTHING for him.

I have alarms fitted on my cupboards that i keep things in, they are very loud if triggered but they give me peace of mind.

Onwards, where did you find those?

Online, they are sold as indoor window alarms but work perfectly as cupboard ones. They run on batteries and you just press a button to turn off and reset they are very loud, the neighbour 2 doors down can hear them if one is triggered.

out of curiosity, how long do the batteries last on those??

mine have been in for 5 months i suppose it depends how often they are triggered.

thanks - this will most likely be the way we will need to go once DS2 can open two remaining safety gates that he cannot yet open. Hopefully it will be awhile.... lol

They really are good and if ds is downstairs and i nip upstairs i can hear instantly if he opens a cupboard (which hes stopped doing as he hates the sound of them) I paid 14.99 for a pack of 4.

Just to say we had a very brief but very terrifiying moment of firestarting, but I met with his teacher and SENCO and they let him join in with some of the older children [DS is 6, I think they were yr 5 or 6] who were doing safety and burns, they did let him see some pretty grim pictures of children who had got skin burns [with my agreement] and some video clips of children saying they wished they had never played with fire but [touching any piece of wood I can find and crossing fingers and toes] it seemed to do the trick. We were also given some social stories booklets about 'consequences'. Just a thought.

There is a book about a firefly who played with fire, i read it to ds and he understood that.

Oh you have my sympathy I know how alarming this can be! Also have cuts in furnishings from scizzar phase.

Fire service inspected our house (and ds room) and fitted extra alarms fo us (have an extra to supply as they are limited to 1 or 2 per property but willing to put up yours). They chose the best type for my ASD/ADHD/LD child (alarm sound can be switched off quickly once activated- helpful if child is panicked by shrill sounds). They put one just outside ds room it has a siren and a good light when activated. They were really nice and adviced on regular 'emergency escape' practice' ( important if you have to lock the door and hide the key- child must know to what to do ie alert parent/key holder!)

Ds (now 12) learnt the hard way after playing with a candle and spilling hot wax on himself and then hiding the burn in those important early minutes when cooling might have reduced the subsequent burn, however we still hide fire lighting equipment, and have a rule that he can only light candles/fires etc with 2 adults with him and he MUST ask first. We have tried to channel his interest in fire into safe ( mostly outdoor) use but it still scares me witless.

(Apologies for spelling!! pressed post instead of preview)

Perhaps an alarm on his (or your) bedroom door which might stop the sneeking out and give you peace of mind?

Yikes!

I've used those door/window alarms before after DS realised he could unlock the external doors aged 3. He only tried it once after we put the alarms on and the alam going off VERY loudly at 3am scared the life out him and he didn't try it again, I don't have them on at our (new) current house. Although thinking on it, I reckn he would know now how to turn them off (little swtich on side).

He also had an interest in sharp things for a while - once woke up with him next to me in my bed trying to open a toy's battery compartment with a large kitchen knife!

I sympathise colditz it's hard.

I think I'd go for the safe box with combination as Triggles suggests.
Do you smoke?
I think if DS tried this I would dispose of all candles, matches and lighters until the phase passed but then I understand this is harder if there's a smoker in the house.

Although... good incentive to quit smoking.

I've alarmed his bedroom door with avery loud shrill alarm anfd last night IT WORKED!!!

he only opened it once,couldn't switch it off, freaked out and I came up and switched it off for him, and now he doesn't like to open his bedroom door unless I tell him it's 'safe'.

I've also stripped his room down, (no electrical or paper items as fire hazard) but he will earn these items back.

I've also made it clear that the alarm is not to STOP him leaving his room, it's to let me know when he does.