Very vocal ASD

[glitch]

My DS has ASD but is very, very vocal.

He never stops talking at people / me. My main issue is that when he is distressed / anxious he howls and screams and wails. I keep trying to get him to talk rather than scream but we are getting nowhere.
He is now 6 so his behavior is becoming more alarming to others around especially children.

I wondered if anyone else has such a vocal DS/DD and whether you have any tactics that have worked to quieten them

I have a very vocal DS too. People say 'oh but he can talk, he seems fine to me'

Well yes he can talk but that's not the same as being able to communicate effectively.

I think if your ds is at a point where he is so distressed / overwhelmed he wants to howl and scream then he needs to get that out of his system and feel safe to be able to do so. This is hard when you are out and about but at home he could have a safe place he can do this. Is there anything he finds comforting that he could be given when he's like this?

Glitch - no I don't! My DS1 with Aspergers is very chatty, and we just ask him to keep it down and think about what he is saying, but then he is 12. When he was small if he got upset I would talk quietly to him and ask him to breathe in and out. This worked and after about 10 deep breaths he would calm down. People thought I was nuts, but my reasoning was that if I was calm about it he would be too. DS3 very Autistic, gets upset you can't comfort him as he won't be held. I just sit nearby and put a firm hand on his back and sit quietly. That seems to work. They're all different. DS1 takes himself off to a quiet place to calm down now. Hormones have kicked in so we get lots of "you don't understand how my life is" stuff. That's hard too, but I just give him space to muddle through it now. Try the breathing exercises as it gives them a focus and see if that works.

He just seems to howl and wail so easily. I can't tell sometimes if it is the autism or just him behaving as though he is totally spoiled. It can seem like we are soft on him and give in to him because we know what is coming (eg, the screaming) but is that pandering to him?

This morning he wailed because I flushed the loo for him and he didn't get to see his poo float off???

I get that he gets loud and frustrated when he is heading for/ in meltdown but this wailing seems to be for anything.

Maybe I'm just feeling a little sensitive this week. All that talking wears you down after a bit doesn't it!

We have been trying a bit of breathing deeply but wrapped up in a SALT gimmick(that he is rejecting), perhaps I should just ask him to breathe deeply and see if that works.

if your DS is 'totally spoiled' glitch then so is DD

i could have written both your posts in this thread - and highlighted for me, at least, one of the hardest things about parenting a child on the Austistic Spectrum... we have to try to stay constant to prevent any triggers - sod our own feelings and misgivings

DD can wail - open mouthed on a constant noise level - for a half an hour some days, especially if we're in the car

sometimes leaving her in her safe place but putting some music on elsewhere in the house can bring her out of it, but most often we run her a warm bath with loads of bubbles and leave her to splash about until she's able to converse again.

i've recently learnt that once she's in wailing mode there is not a chance of verbal communication with her until she's ready - if i need an answer from her i use hand signals 'do you need me to do anything, point to this hand for yes, the other hand for no'. she sometimes won't even point, she'll look and use her eyes instead. if she indicates "no" then i tell her i'm going to leave her where she is, that i'm not ignoring her, just letting her do what she wants for a while.

i'm also in the process of making some picture cards for her, i don't want to turn into a household that leaves notes about for each other, but sometimes talking is too much.

sorry, i went off on a tangent then

DDs morning ritual is so rigid that flushing the toilet for her, would result in minor strops and growls all day and would probably result in a meltdown by the end of the day...

We get this a little bit. Ds might growl ('im a dragon') if he feels threatened. I tell him to use words or talk in his normal voice. Like sallybear we get him to count to ten to calm himself down when he's having a meltdown.
I guess the main thing is to minimize distress in the first place. Ds gets wound up by the same things as other children, its just his reaction is a bit peculiar. So my job is to keep him fed, watered and well exercised. Particularly the exercise part, it makes a huge difference to his behavior.

Janemare your strategy is interesting, all that sensorial input stuff (baths etc) is totally what The Out of Sync Child book recommends.

My DS can growl at times too. He does it with clench fists and a look of pure rage on his face. It can be for something as simple as someone moving one of his toys or objects slightly, or me forgetting something small. He looks and sounds rather scary when he does it! I don't have wailing but growling, shouting, or crying here.

I try to get him to do deep breaths but often that works him up even more, I usually just stop interacting with him until he calms down.

I try to work sensory stuff into his day (scooting, trampoline, splashy bath), but more to alleviate some of that pent up stuff rather than when he has gone off on one.
They all respond differently though, it's just finding what works best for your won child I guess!

I think that is the real truth of it all. They all have different calming mechanisms, and it's just working through it all to see what works best. Funny though about the baths. DS3 was furious about having Cars2 interrupted for a bath (to be fair he didn't get any warning from DH), kicked and cried. I got him undressed, sat him on the loo, he started to just grizzle and then into a warm bubbly bath. Happy camper. He then had a hour long mad moment after lights out, but then pass out. A big glass of wine for me!

Boredandrestless your DS sounds so like mine. The rage face and growling and I get hitting me now as well. It is so distressing to see them so primal.

That bit I get though, it's the bits on the way to that stage where I get lost. I get confused and forget about whether he can help his behavior or not, especially when it is about something trivial (like poo!!!)

Interaction has the same effect on my DS so perhaps I should give it a miss for a while. SALT is great but doesn't have the same response when he is in a bad head place as when he is sitting calmly in a small room with the therapist.

Janemare, the idea of asking questions but not needing a verbal response answer is a great one. I will try that one out.

thanks for that, it's reassuring to hear that about the 'Out of Sync Child' book. it's just something we've tried out and has worked for us!

also about other sensory stuff to 'work out' at the start of the day - i let DD 'break the rules' at school this morning and she had a sneaky play on the swings in the garden (they aren't meant to do this before school actually starts) - she was totally 'working out' on it, i've never seen her face so contorted with anger and she swung so hard and high it was quite scary, but it was obvious she was using the sensation and when it was time to go in, she trotted off seemingly without a care in the world..

Makaton!! (signing)

Just getting DS to focus on his hands really helps. When he was younger the phase "talk or sign" repested ad nuseum until he got the Idea he wouldn't get what he wanted that way and had to talk or sign. Some time you had to really play dumb when you knew what they were after. now (much less frequently) "I's sorry I can't understand when you're crying, talking please then talking please repeated. DS still reverts to makaton when distressed.