Living around obsessions

[used2bthin]

Sorry to be asking for more advice-feel am all take and no give on mn atm!

DD 5 has severe SLI (and assorted medical problems-lots going on with these atm which may be making things feel worse but her obsessions are really getting to me.

I am trying to work with them-eg she likes to watch the same bit of one film over and over and over-for an hour plus if she can and in German. No one she knows speaks German but this is what she switches it to every time.( Have thought maybe that was why she struggles with understanding and speech so much-she is actually German we just didn't realise! )

Anyway I try to work round it eg after your bath you can watch it and then I set a timer, she is now obsessive about timers too. It ios starting to take over things, she is obsessive about clocks and because of this, churches and so we cannot walk past a church without stopping till the bell rings. My poor dad stood in the rain for ages with ehr one day pleading with her saying even if we stay here ALL NIGHT it STILL wouldn't ring. She literally goes rigid it makes some trips with her impossible.

So anyone else struggling with this?(am guessing yes) and does what I am doing sound ok-eg trying to use it to get stuff done or am I encouraging the obsession? It seems to be getting worse any tips?

Also she is not diagnosed as having autism but some of her behaviour is making me wonder- or this could just be SLI making her cling to the familiar?

If it makes you feel any better (and not really sure if it does), DS2 switches his DS over to other languages all the time (most frequently French). He will sit quite happily and do all sorts of stuff on it with it set at French. He's never been taught French (and we don't speak it!), but there you go. He's fascinated with other languages. He's 5yo, btw.

DS2 is obsessive about anything electronic, with numbers, letters, timers, all sorts. We tend to use it as a reward, with a specific time limit set on it (with reminders of time being counted down - ie "5 minutes left", "2 minutes left", "1 minute left").

Thats what I do with the timer, and we count down if out and about to going home time as she hates transitions of any kind, even if we are going somewhere she wants to go.

It does make me feel better as am feeling a bit alone with it-most of the time I can maintain a sense of humour about it but atm its hard with her behaviour at school being tricky and health issues not great.

Does your DS have SLI too? I honestly am not sure if it means dd doesn't actually understand whats being said in English when its in English and so it doesn't make a difference to her!

He has some speech and language delay, and some comprehension problems. They've never specifically stated SLI.

I've found that if we're careful, we can make the obsession work in our favour sometimes, which helps counteract the frustration when it's so all-encompassing that it completely overwhelms everything else. Swings and roundabouts, really. I look at it this way... I'd rather he be obsessed over languages, electronics, letters, and numbers than Pokemon, Power Rangers, or Ben10. Always a silver lining, eh?

or guns................

DS at hairdressers "what would you like to be when you are bigger?"

DS"a policeman because then I can shoot people"

HairD " ohhh you get to drive fast cars then too"

DS "nooo dont like things fast so if I shoot their tyre then I can get out and walk, shoot them and put them in the dungeon"

My Dd3 has had tv/dvd obssessions since she was tiny. She will watch the same programmes over and over and if a dvd or on computer or iplayer will watch the same bit. Not in other languages though.

She also loves clocks and timers. She is obsessive about time. And has been getting out of bed at dead on 7 am since she was 2.

I dont want to worry you but my Dd3 was recently diagnosed with ASD.

I think you should keep a.diary of your Dd's quirks and issues and how you deal with them and go and ask your GP for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

Good luck

DS2 likes to watch the same programmes over and over, often on fast forward.

Thanks for replies. OK feeling reassured that its ok to tap into these to my own ends then. ATM the routine at bedtime is she has to do her OT stuff and/or homework, have a bath then gets 15mins on the wii with DP which ends with me setting the timer, when that goes off its story time. I have decided in the morning I can do a similar thing with the film thing, she can only watch it when ready for school, breakfasted etc and then the timer tells her when we have to leave for school. Still need a plan for clock towers though when out also just took her for a bike ride to avoid being home and the accompanying obsessing over the same bit of film and ended up stuck watching trains for aaaages, you've got to laugh haven't you?!

I also need to get out more to SN group or something because I feel so much better just hearing of other people managing the same stuff. Coff, Dd not into guns yet but the film is toy story so she does lazer people and also more worryingly keeps saying she is buzz and threatening to fly!!

Ineedalife thank you they do sound very similar. DD has yearly trips to the developmental paeds and having various tests around her learning difficulties and microcephaly, we have one in june coming up so I am going to ask again about ASD, so far I have been told that yes she does have some traits but these could be due to the SLI. I am beginning to wonder though and her genetic condition has a high incidence of ASD in girls compared to the general population I think so I am beginning to think it may be something that they suspect but are waiting and seeing about.

Yes could be, she very much prefers not to be challenged with language and will go to great lengths to avoid it, often pointing at something random and saying oh look! if asked a question she can't answer!

Interesting, DD has just got into PINGU so similar thing, could well be about taking the pressure off.

Another film she was obsessed with for a while was WALL-E which seemed to have a claming effect, I wondered if that was because she could follow it visually no need for language.

usedtobe... I am glad you are already in the system. It took me along time to get a dx for Dd3 and the support that she needs at school.

ASD can be very different in girls as I am sure you know and it can easily be missed.

Just in case you haven't already tried, I have used "now" and "next" to good effect both at home and at work with children on or around the spectrum.
We say now you do xxx , next you can do [whatever the obssession is].
It can help to refocus them long enough to do something different for a while at least.

Good luck with your next appointment.

usedtobe Toy Story is a huge one here too. DS2 is very much into Toy Story.

Now and next works well here as well.

Our big motivator regarding his obsession is that he has laptop time (or DS time) after supper. But he's not allowed to have that time if he doesn't follow these meal rules:

• must eat at least 6 bites of his main meal (spag bol, etc) that is already an established food that he will eat
• must eat at least 1 bite of any new food at the meal
• must ask to be excused before leaving the table (sometimes needs prompting to ask, but getting much better)

Sounds complicated, but often all it takes is a "remember, 6 bites or no laptop time" and he takes another bite. Anything to get food into him.

ineedalife I hadn't realised about ASD symptoms in girls so will be looking into that, I have thought till fairly recently she can't have ASD as she is so sociable and wants to communicate but having learned more I know that doesn't necessarily mean no ASD. ICAN described her as a highly motivated communicator in that she uses gestures and acts out situations if she can't verbalise what she means. She has a lot of behaviour now though that could be SLI related but also probably are ASD like too (sorry if I am talking nonsense as I have to say I know little about ASD. She gets very distressed at parties and increasingly doesn't seem able to cope well with friends coming over-maybe this is because she's at school and tired but she will get into her bed and cry loudly or hit children now although its not the whole time, she tends to relax into it I suppose. Also the obsessions and rigidity of routine-I know that for example if I read change a routine I will be doing it permanently so am very careful about it.

Now and next was introduced by her inclusion teacher and ed psych and school now use a communication book with pictures as well as now and next, it does seem to work well but I will remember to be more consistent with it I think.

Thanks for the advice, it really does help and it is good to know I am not alone with it. bdonion oh my goodness mr Bean I bet she would LOVE it!

my DS has been through phases of watching DVDs in German too , I have never been able to figure out whether it's the sound that appeals, or that he can focus better on the visuals. agree with bda and others, let her have her obsessions within limits - all kids should be allowed some downtime after school to do pointless (to us) activities. IMO it's the out and about stuff - like the clocks, you may want to try and nip in the bud a bit.

In general I think there can be a fine line indeed at times between S & L delay (especially receptive language) and and ASD.

she might like Total Wipeout. (bit more adult friendly than pingu!).

We dont do after school friend visits tbh, Dd3 is peopled out by the time she gets home.

She is sociable though, she loves to spend time with her friends. We tend to go out with friends though as she finds sharing her stuff difficult.

Funnily enough Dd3 loves parties but often meltsdown after them. The only kind she doesnt like are the church hall ones, i think they are too echoey.

You are definitely not alone on here and you will get some great advice. Lots of people have really helped me

Lightpassenger its a strange one isn't it? Tbh it made a nice change to start with having listened to the same ten mins of film a million times! Will have a look at total wipeout. I wonder whether I should ask if they will assess for ASD at the next appointment or just tell them what she's doing and see what they come up with? (paranoid it is just me giving her more conditions if I asked and then they diagnosed-not rational I know!)

ineedalife DD used to love parties, still does in some ways but gets totally overwhelmed and lies on the floor or pretends to fall over then cries. Or just goes insane running around and gets out of hand! Agree about hall parties, DD has always hated large open spaces ever since she learned to walk-I thought it was her gle ear becauseshe used to seem off balance and just scream and refuse to walk in!

I have never been able to leave Dd3 at parties just in case she gets upset about something. Despite her being verbal she is unable to ask for help and i have always been the only person who gets her.

She is a lovely girl who loves being busy, she is great at occupying herself and is a good friend to some very special, lovely children at her brilliantly inclusive school.

We have had a rollercoaster ride ove the years with her and she doesnt allow us to be complacent.

She is getting easier to manage as she is getting more able to compromise.

I wish you the best of luck with your Dd she also sounds lovely. I hope with your support she will be able to over come some of her difficulties as my Dd has.

Am waffling now so am off to bed, had a tough day at work with another little girl who has some issues. I must be mad doing it at home and at work.

Good luck

Your DD sounds great ineedalife, it sounds like things are going well. Thanks for your help and good luck tomorrow with work if you are there!