Are we really that unusual.......

[dizzy34]

My ds2 is 2.5yrs and its getting to the time when people start talking about 'statementing' and 'nursery provision' and 'school choices'. I have informed numerous people on numerous occasions that he is not going to nursery and at this point in time i have absolutely no intention what so ever of sending him to school. I know that the law states that he has to have an education statement, but i am also fully aware that the law states that the statementing process can be done at home. He is not attending nursery. They have spouted all the advice about 'needing socialisation', 'needing stimulation'. It just frustrates me that they forget i know all this stuff. FFS i am a qualified social worker, with a specialist degree (two actually) in child development and child psychology), i agree he needs socialisation,but it doesnt have to be peer socialisation. I think my reasons are sound but was wondering what all of you think.

1. He has the development of a 6-8wk old baby-who would send their 6-8wk baby to school?

2. The school will spend the day moving him every 20 mins bewteen a chair, standing frame, floor etc, intermingled with physio and hydro therapy. Why would i want someone else to spend teh day moving him from seat to seat, when i can do that myself. He has a pool (big hot tub) at home which he goes in everyday and i will take him in to school for physio. we also have a light room at home, he goes to mum and tots and my mum walks for miles with him.

3.He has up to 150 fits per day. During these fits he vomits, stops breathing, goes blue and needs suctioning and often resus. I dont ever want him to have one of these without someone who loves him very much there to comfort and hold him while he recovers.

4. His life expectancy is min 4 - max 10, i want to spend as much time with him as i can.

5. I think the local school is crap and i wouldnt trust them with my son. This is not an emotional statement, it comes from things i have observed and what collegues have observed.

Also, why when i was choosing a school for my other three children did i have the choice of about 10 schools, all in the local area. Because ds2 has special needs he gets the choice of one, is that not discriminatory?

Please dont think that i am critising anyone else for sending their child to school. If ds2 could hold his head up, see, interact with anyone, clap his hands and show he was beneffiting then i wouldnt hesitate. My freinds little girl is severly disabled and has a traccy and oxygen, but she sits up, smiles and claps to show she is happy, she loves school. DS2 is a baby and always will be. I know what his cries mean, i know when hes happy and when hes sad. Am i being unreasonable?

dizzy, i totally agree with you he is best staying at home. you are right but they are adding more stress to you with this decision. it must be so hard for you having to look after your ds and then having stupid people come up with things like this. also i don't know whether you remember me but i'm the person you were talking to that comes from runcorn, i was just wondering what school you are on about? i know you might not be able to tell me which school it is but my portage worker is going to be taking me to have a look around chesnut lodge and i really worry about letting her go to school anyway and now i'm going to be worrying even more.

Jimjams is right, no-one can make you do anything until he is 5. I also agree that you should be prepared to describe your daily activities in a "fancy" way to satisfy them. I got quite good at this with DS, who I kept at home until he was 6. I'm sure you know exactly how to do this and you can use some of their own ideas and expressions against them! Why are we fought when we WANT to keep our children, who are considered "hard work", at home and treated like freaks because we don't want them shipped off to give us a break......(not that I blame anyone). I do think you should consider formal home education (someone mentioned Education Otherwise) as you could get some funding for someone to help you out at home doing activities with him but you don't have to do ANYTHING until he is 5. There is a growing number of children with Special Needs being Home Educated and therefore I suppose they must sometimes get some funding, unlike NT children whose parents choose to home educate. I think EO would know more about this. Completely agree with Socci too, this fantasy that all children need peer socialisation is rubbish, I'd have loved DS to be able to benefit from it at the time they were spouting this cliche, but it was nonsense. It didn't remain nonsense once he'd had some preparation but even then the benefits were limited, but it would have meant nothing to him at 2.5 which is when they wanted to mainstream him.

Message withdrawn

Perfectly reasonable

Dizzy, don't doubt yourself. If you feel it is right for your little boy to stay at home with you then it is. There are plenty of nt children who are nowhere near ready for nursery at the age of 2.5 anyway and no-one nags their mothers to send them.

Socci is right, sn children are treated differently. Ds's school wanted me to send him on a week's 'residential' trip when he wasn't even 5. Apart from the fact that they wanted to take him to the Isle of Wight on a ferry , I told them that there was no way I would have sent dd away when she was 5 so why should ds be any different?

I know your son isn't autistic, but "home educating our autitic children, paths are made for walking" may be useful reading if you can borrow it or get it from a library. Most of the case studies are of high functioning children, but one is of a severely autistic boy (who I think got volunteers involved iirc) and there is a good section on the law etc.

you are not unreasonable. in fact you sound fantastic and to me it would be wrong for him to be at school, he should be with his mum. IMO you are doing the absolute best for him and should trust your own judgement.