Are we really that unusual.......

[dizzy34]

My ds2 is 2.5yrs and its getting to the time when people start talking about 'statementing' and 'nursery provision' and 'school choices'. I have informed numerous people on numerous occasions that he is not going to nursery and at this point in time i have absolutely no intention what so ever of sending him to school. I know that the law states that he has to have an education statement, but i am also fully aware that the law states that the statementing process can be done at home. He is not attending nursery. They have spouted all the advice about 'needing socialisation', 'needing stimulation'. It just frustrates me that they forget i know all this stuff. FFS i am a qualified social worker, with a specialist degree (two actually) in child development and child psychology), i agree he needs socialisation,but it doesnt have to be peer socialisation. I think my reasons are sound but was wondering what all of you think.

1. He has the development of a 6-8wk old baby-who would send their 6-8wk baby to school?

2. The school will spend the day moving him every 20 mins bewteen a chair, standing frame, floor etc, intermingled with physio and hydro therapy. Why would i want someone else to spend teh day moving him from seat to seat, when i can do that myself. He has a pool (big hot tub) at home which he goes in everyday and i will take him in to school for physio. we also have a light room at home, he goes to mum and tots and my mum walks for miles with him.

3.He has up to 150 fits per day. During these fits he vomits, stops breathing, goes blue and needs suctioning and often resus. I dont ever want him to have one of these without someone who loves him very much there to comfort and hold him while he recovers.

4. His life expectancy is min 4 - max 10, i want to spend as much time with him as i can.

5. I think the local school is crap and i wouldnt trust them with my son. This is not an emotional statement, it comes from things i have observed and what collegues have observed.

Also, why when i was choosing a school for my other three children did i have the choice of about 10 schools, all in the local area. Because ds2 has special needs he gets the choice of one, is that not discriminatory?

Please dont think that i am critising anyone else for sending their child to school. If ds2 could hold his head up, see, interact with anyone, clap his hands and show he was beneffiting then i wouldnt hesitate. My freinds little girl is severly disabled and has a traccy and oxygen, but she sits up, smiles and claps to show she is happy, she loves school. DS2 is a baby and always will be. I know what his cries mean, i know when hes happy and when hes sad. Am i being unreasonable?

No, you just want the best for your child.

No not unreasonable at all. Sensible and brave - yes without a doubt.

Sorry that was a bit short. Your love for your son just comes right through in your post, I am close to tears.

not at all. he is your babe and you know what he likes etc. i would be the same i'm sure.

(am also welling up!)

I think you as his mum know what is best. Trust your feelings. I had to decide between 2 schools and that was all I could use. Iam sure you are doing the right thing, you sound like a wonderful caring person.

no, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all under your specific circumstances i can hand on heart say i would do exactly the same.

It is true that the law states he must be educated, not that he must attend school, in practice I think this is very much discouraged so I hope you are prepared!

You sound like you have really thought it thru. i wish you and your family all the best.

Thanks everyone. I apparently have to prove that i am educatiing him at home, god knows how. Do you think 6 GCSES by the time he is 6yrs will be enough?? I asked what they would do in school and they said ' well for example, for geograpy, we would let him smell garlic and that would be France', which i agree, in theory is very imaginative....in practice..how on earth do we tell him what 'france' is for him to link the garlic to it? I did take some of their ideas on board though, such as, they have the room smelling of apples on monday, lemons on tues, lavender on wednesday etc etc. i am going to try to link smells to rooms for him, like menthol in the hot tub room (which should help his lungs), and lavender in his room. Any ideas for the bath room? He does seem to enjoy water and i would like to see if he recognises a smell when i am getting him changed. He recognises perfumes, his dietician wears the same as me and he turns to her.

Mint or menthol perhaps for the bathroom Dizzy?

I would ask them what evidence a school would be required to provide to demonstrate they were 'educating' him and work from there.

Good Luck

Oh dizzy, how stupid they sound. Curriculum my arse. He is a baby and he needs LOVE (and understanding) and you are the one to give it to him. Nobody could care for him anything like you do.
Oh, how frustrating for you. FFS, garlic doesn't equal France! I grow it in my garden and eat it constantly and I'm in East Dulwich!
Of course some people would want their child in school to get respite, and I think that is entirely reasonable and I respect that 100%, but let's not kid ourselves that your child NEEDS school. I am so, so sorry you have the smallest bit of additional pressure when you already carry a responsibility that few of us could imagine.

Let him smell the roses Dizzy - they also serve who only sit and smell.

you sound entirely reasonable. You obviously know what you are talking about, and I think you are very brave for challenging them on this.

In your situation, I would not send him either.

Oh Dizzy....what utter rot you have been subjected to!! The biggest gift you can give your beautiful, amazing child is your time, and your love, and YOU WILL KNOW when he needs more than that. I did. It wasn't in the least convenient - I am a VERY clingy mother and would have been happy never to send them even to school - but I looked at ds1 one day ( he is older than your LO) and something in me said "he needs more....he needs other children" You sound to me like a very loving, intuitive and natural mum. You are coping with something the rest of us feel totally humbled by, and you STILL just sound like a natural mum. So I think you should take the pressure off yourself and make your mind up that you are only going to do what YOU feel is right from now on!!

I say that we as mothers are the only ones who know what is best for our children, we know them inside and out better than anyone including the professionals!!

Im sure that you never proffessed in your professional capacity to know any child better than a parent and they in turn should not believe this about you and yours.

Go with what you feel in your heart is right for you and your child and you will never have any regrets.

Wishing you all the best

I don;t know anything about your situation but to my mind you sound like the only one who knows what's best for your ds. he has a loving mum who wants to give everything she can and I can't believe you get subjected to pressures becuase of that. They should be helping you achieve what you know is best for him - not making it difficult or telling you you're doing it wrong. Given the costs involved I can't understand why they can't support you in a decision to have him with you at home - offering advice and some regular support.

can I ask a question? if you decided to home educate (to use the correct language, I think) do you get any support? if not I find that ludicrous. You have a parent who is basically saying, I will take on this work, because I think it's best for my child, and then you get people telling you its not. I really don;t understand.

Dizzy, just wanted to add my voice to this. It is scandalous that you are being pushed into doing this and not just supported in doing what is best for him. It breaks my heart really

dizzy34

You are not being at all unreasonable and you are your son'e best advocate.

BTW have you heard of Education Otherwise?.

With best wishes to you and your family

Meerkats x

Thank you so much everyone,
I am glad that you all think i am doing the right thing for ds2, its great to feel so supported on here

Dizyy, I cannot beleive they are expecting you to do this.
I can offer no practical help and advice, but would like you to know that I would do the same
DD (3.4)is being statemented and the look on the area SENCOs face when I said if I did not think she was ready for school I simply would keep her out.
She looked at me as if I had 3 heads.
Your time with your child is precious, it is also very sadly limited, and you should without question be able to choose for your child, You know whats makes him happy.
Good luck and big hugs xxxxxxxxx

dizzy- special schools HAVE to provide the national curriculum - my son's school is SLD/PMLD- the majority of children can't speak and none will live indepndently. To get round the fact that they have to provide the NC they do the garlic stuff (so really they are stimulating the senses and not giving a monkeys chuff whether they understand france iyswim- the france bit satisfies the inspectors "ah yes nc tick box")

The only thing I would maybe do differently in your situation is enquire about flexi- part time school or what would happen if I changed my mind and wanted him to go part time/full time in the future. Just so I knew the procedure. Only in case I found that 3 years down the line I did need some respite (I think that's hard to predict, When ds1 was 2 I didn't fneed it at all, now he's 6 I do).

You won't have any problems with the educational side- just carry on doing what your doing, be prepared to talk about it in fancy terms and it will be fine.

oh when I say you'll be fine I mean you'll have no problems satisfying the lea- you don't have to do that until the term after a child turns 5 anyway.

Dizzy,

Proof that you are educating your son could be photos or video of you engaging him in something educational. Okay I know he is not going to be reading and writing himself, but you reading to him, showing him pictures, taking him for walks in the country and feeding ducks, theses are all educational, they stimulate any child.

Enjoy the time you have with your son