Could this be Aspergers related or something else?

[Needaquietlife]

Dh has had a really awful afternooon with ds (11) today. He really flipped when told 'no' about something. He is hard work at the best of times but really lost it and threatened to stab himself etc. because he didn't get what he wanted. We are awaiting assessment at the moment - he has loads of AS traits and being told no has always been a problem but we are really scared at how he reacted today. I know hormones in the mix don't help but has anyone else experienced behaviour like this - we don't know what to do . He is all cuddly now and has said sorry but I don't think he see's how extreme his behaviour was. Any help would be appreciated. Dh has loads of health problems that get worse when stressed and I've had chest pains since lunch when I phoned home to see how everyone was and had to try to calm things down.

The short answer is yes, extreme reactions, lack of understanding about consequences of such an action, rage transferred into an irrational threat to try and change the situation to one that he wants it to be. Threats to kill themselves...
All that can be seen in some children with AS, and it is terrifying and very stressful.
My DS was not like that, he always turned the rage outwards. There will be others along soon to give you more support and first-hand experiences.
Record all events like this in factual detail, it will be useful evidence to take along at any assessment meetings.

Yes it is possibly to do with his AS traits. DS is like dust turns his anger outwards to an object within his reach. A lot of the time its not the fact that I or DH have said no its something that has happened during the day and are reaction was the last straw for him. Unfortunately its not until end of meltdown mode do we find out what it actually was.

DS "thinks" an idea and has planned it all out in his head without actually speaking and so he has worked out what he wants, what he is going to do with it and the outcome before it has got to the stage of us saying no. Which means we have stunted his train of thought and the one thing DS panicks about is not being able to finish what he has started, its an obsession he has to do, and he is not in control iyswim.

Yes ds does like to plan what's going to happen and often says that he has been 'promised' something when he hasn't. It's so hard to deal with though - like we have to walk on eggshells in case we say the wrong thing and he flares up again. Is there any way to manage this? He is due to have some kind of anger management sessions at school to try to help but I'm not sure if it will sink in.

Spot the triggers, talk in a very neutral tone, don't let him control too many of the outcomes or he may lose the plot as the structure of what is right/wrong and allowed, changes with his demands. It is tough, my DS at 11 was a very scary prospect. Things slowly improved, but it was over years not months. Now he is so much more in control of his own drives and manages his AS and the demands it places on him independently most of the time.