Advice please - Bullying. What do you say to your 12yr old?

[SallyBear]

DS1 aged 12 in Mainstream Secondary had Aspergers. There have been a few teething problems along the way, with him being taken advantage of by some more savvy kids (aka little shits). Today he came back late very upset. He had submitted a castle for a history project/competition that was judged by his peers. He had researched it, and rather than do your conventional type castle, he made a octagonal one with a round in the middle circa some history period (I forget which one!). The class gave him a lot of "criticism" in the lesson, and then tried to destroy his model. He got upset and was taken out to be counselled. I want to know why fucking teacher wasn't doing his job properly and allowing things to get out of hand?!
The question is - what do I say to him to deal with being ridiculed?? He is typical in that he's virtually dyspraxic he is so unco-ordinated, but with a head full of knowledge, a lovely nature, a vocabulary an Oxford Don would be proud of.
He tries to isolate himself, says that he has 5 friends (which is 5 more than he had at Primary school) and desperately wants to be accepted. I really feel that I have failed spectacularly as I never experienced bullying at school, apart from once and I dealt with it and it never happened again. He's not like that as he's not independently minded. I am so worried. Advice please!!!!!

Does the school have a time out system? DS2 is also 12, he has ADHD with traits of AS he has a card he can use for if he gets too frustrated he can leave the class for a break, he can then either go back into class or got to the learning support for the rest of his lesson. IMO 12 year olds are in general, little shits. I would also speak to the senco and check all the teachers have read his pupil profile/IEP, sometime a few teachers just don't bother, we have also had this. Maybe school could do some sort of awareness session around AS in their PHSE classes!

i had this with my ds a few yrs ago,(see stupid things people say) thread, when my ds was first bullied i reassured him and told him the others are jeallous because they couldn't make or even think how to make such a model, first thing in the morning turn up at school with a friend if possible and see the ht, (friend to witness meeting) stay till you have seen ht. sorry this has to be sorted now, don't take no for an answer, and don't see another teacher as they just ignore most of the time.

Sally

Would agree with the responses of the other posters (my son is also in secondary school). FWIW I have heard of the type of castle your son built as a model and I think he is to be commended.

It needs to be tackled and asap. I would go in tomorrow and request a meeting with the Head of Year or at the very least the Pastoral Support person and do not leave until you have seen one or the other. Follow up such a meeting with a letter.

On a wider level is your son on any plan like School Action Plus?. If he is he should be already known to the SENCO. I would also look at applying for a statement for him from the LEA if there is not one already in place, his educational rights need to be legally protected as well.

Thank you everyone. dS1 is on School Action Plus. They won't statement him, and the more we go into this I do think that it's something that we need to get sorted. I have emailed his form teacher and head of year requesting a meeting. I have a good relationship with LA SEN dept, so I think that I am going to speak to them about this. The Senco told me that they won't pursue statementing and they don't think that he's dyslexic just needs help with letter formation (sigh). All in all it's a bit crap. He got 5's across the board for his yr 6 SATs as he had a scribe. The irony is that we chose this school as it's next door to an Autism Special School, where they have very close links!!

When you write that "they won't statement him" who exactly are they?. The LEA or this school?. If its the school ignore them and write the request yourself (my guess is they do not want the work). You can appeal the decision in the event the LEA say no as well, school cannot do that.

".. and the more we go into this I do think that it's something that we need to get sorted"

I would certainly agree. I would write a letter requesting Statutory Assessment to the LEA in question and ignore any naysayers. You do not need school's permission to do this.

To access the unit they have close links with he will need a statement.

You are his best and only advocate here.

Sally

Your son's needs at secondary do not seem to be fully met on SA plus; SA plus support as well can be limited, its not legally binding and can thus be too easily curtailed. Have you seen an IEP this term from his secondary school?.

Do keep us posted.

Straight to the Head - first thing in tghe morning demanding to know how your child was permitted to be abused in the classroom.

This needs to be nipped in the bud - now.

We went through similiar (ASD and bullied).

I cannot overstress the effect that this has on the child.

Very very angry on your behalf.