Dd1 and her obsession with one girl

[lisad123]

Dd1 has a best friend, who is very sweet lovely and they have become very attached to each other at the exclusion of all others.
Dd1 has been off sick for two days and went back today. Her teacher spoke to me and explained he has major concerns about their friendship. The best friend was completely at a loss while dd was off and friend was off today and he said dd1 was lost today.
He is very concerned but at a lost at what to do.
I'm not quite sure there is much we can do.
I do wonder if dd didnt have autism if they would have raised it as a concern.
Any suggestions or thoughts?

We had friendship cards at school. A child would be given a choice of say five or six named children to play with and would pick two.
The school also ran an invitation only lunch club to encourage different friendships.
Does she attend a social skills or funky fingers type club at school?

I guess it depends whether she was lost or really unhappy without her friend as to how much of an an issue it is?

The school should do as much as possible to encourage other friendships simply because they may end up at different secondary schools or in different classes.

No social groups as such but they have a certain group that meet that includes all kids with autism.
Dd1 told me she played with someone else today and seems fine with it. I think I'm more worried about the other girl than dd

We have exactly the same situation with ds1 and his best friend.

His friend is nt, very popular and really looks after ds, making sure he's included by the other children in the playground, explaining bits of the lesson he's missed etc. He does see ds1 as his best friend, but not in the same way as ds1 does. Ds is totally and utterly smitten/obsessed (not sure of the right word really) with this friend and we have weekly problems when the friend has extra curricular lessons at lunchtime twice a week and ds can't integrate with his peers without his friend facilitating it for him and similarly if the friend is off sick.

According to his mum, the friend worries himself silly about how ds1 will cope if he has to be off school for any reason and insists on going in when he's ill as a result. He also frets about what's wrong if ds is off.

We have been trying to address it, but its really hard to know how. His class and inclusion teachers have tried to widen his social circle, working with him to identify other children he likes and shares similar interests with and encouraging them to work together in class. He did start to build somewhat of a friendship with another boy, but then we found out his family is moving to the other end of this country this spring. His teachers also put a ban on him working with his best friend in class for half a term and encouraged working with other children in his class, but it had little effect.

The EP wants the school to set up a lunch time club, mainly to work on his social skills in general, but also to try and build bonds with a small group of 'vetted' children. She actually wants this put on his statement, but as the inclusion team have talked endlessly about 'circle of friends stuff' that's never happened, I'm not holding my breath.

We are now worried about what's going to happen come secondary school, as we have to name a school in the summer term and won't know whether or not his best friend is going to grammar school or the local secondary. I can't see ds wanting to go anywhere without his best friend, but we might have no option.

Oh its hard isn't it. DS1 was obbssessed with the boy next door, would sit on the doorstep watching and waiting for him to come out.

DS2 has had the same best friend since they were two, a friendly boy who helps DS2 out when he finds a situation difficult. He is definitely going to a different secondary to DS2 as he is off to specialist dance school, they will still hang out in the holidays I'm sure. I'm trying to view it as an opportunity for DS2 to branch out and practise making new friends but he is hopeless at approaching people, i can't help but worry.

Lisa, your DD sounds like she is doing well, adapting so fast to her BF being off.