Dd3 has decided to quit Brownies :(

[Ineedalife]

I am sad in a way because it means finally admitting that it hasn't achieved anything going thee week after week in the hope that she might make a friend and join in with some group activities

I have been going with her more or less since day one, as I am a Guide leader I got roped in quite willingly at first.

Just lately the behaviour of the girls has been getting worse and worse and last night was the final straw for Dd3 at one point she was sitting on the floor with her fingers in her ears:(

She wasn't engaging with anything or anyone except me and the young leader all night and I just thought this is ridiculous.

I asked her if she wanted to stop going and she said "yes."

She is not 10 until september so I can't offically move her to Guides until then although she comes with me about once a month when her Dad is on lates at work and she comes on all the trips and camps.

I have come to think that it is me that wants her to socialise and that she doesn't really need to but is it better to make her socialise for just and hour and a half a week or should I just not worry about it?

She does sing in a choir aswell after school so its not as though she never leaves the house, its just that choir isn't a social thing really.

tricky.
what does she say?

i spent a good long while stressing about dd2 spending most of playtimes etc on her own, and discussing with the teacher how best to integrate her etc. when i descussed it with her, she basically said she prefers to be on her own as she can't be doing with the nonsense and bickering and to and fro of playground life. so she actually prefers wandering around on her own. i'm still trying not to stress about it!

(dd2 is in my brownie pack. she loves it, but gets nothing at all out of it socially if i'm honest... she's moving up in september and i can see the divide growing...)

recreational dance?

(am just lolling at my suggestion, as dd2 decided to give up tap at christmas.... )

Do our DD's have ASD? My 3.5 yr old (speech delay, under assessment for ASD) has no interest in peers and no social interaction with other children at preschool.
I was hoping this would change as she got older and it was largely down to her (speech) delay.
Did/do our DD's have speech delay?
Thanks.

Hi Outof....I lol'ed too at your suggestion of dance. Dd3 is very uncoordinated and hates dancing with a passion.

I used to worry about the amount of time Dd3 spends on her own at home, but she likes it that way and sometimes doesn't want to go anywhere at the weekends.

I think maybe school is enough socially for her.

Alice... yes my Dd3 has ASD she is 9 and was diagnosed in September last year. She didn't have a speech delay in fact she spoke very early and has a massive vocab but she struggles with the subtleties of language, takes things literally and doesn't always understand stuff.

Good luck with getting your Dd assessed

Ds is 14 with a dx of aspergers/HFA . He cannot see the point in (I quote) "talking unitelligently about things that are irrelevant"

He goes to a social skills group for kids who all have aspergers which he has attended since he was 10 ( the groups are 8-10,10-14,14-17 years of age). I was rather doubtful of the whole idea at the beginning ( surely just a roomful of boys ignoring each other ) but they have become very comfortable around each other and he enjoys the conversations there, whereas he is scornful of the type of conversations going on amongst his nt peers at his mainstream school and rarely participates.
I think the thing is is that we want them to join in and have friends and not be lonely... But that's our own feelings we are projecting isn't it? Ds is perfectly happy with his amount of participation... He is actually very happy in his own skin . It has taken me aaaaages to understand that!
Ds's group is run by crossroads... Perhaps there is something in your area too? If not, I would suggest groups where the emphasis is on activities which happen alongside others and interaction is limited( trampolining, swimming) rather that actively with others ( iykwim)

Thanks for that trout, I think I am still in the early days of understanding the social stuff TBH.

The social skill sgroup sounds good, I am going to take her on an outing with the DC's and parents from my support group in a couple of weeks, all the children will be on the spectrum so it will be interesting to see how that goes. I also think there might be a group near to me, I have seen an article about it in the paper. I need to check.

I agree about the activities, she currently does 2 choirs and swimming, so not much interaction required.

I think Dd3 is happy in her skin too. She is actually very easy in someways because she is nearly always busy doing her thing, what ever that may be.

Can you ask for her to join Guides? Just dd1 commented that one girl came up to their pack a term early because she wanted to be with her friend. They seem to generally be calmer and quieter in guides.

Yes Dewe, I could take her to Guides because she is going to the unit I help to run.

You are right they are quieter ie. No screaming but they have plenty of energy..

I started the thread mainly becasue I am not sure if I should be making her socialise or if I should just let her be.

Well she's nearly that age, so I'd have thought socialising with slightly older was batter than not socialising at all. Also she's then there and knows what's happening so when her age group start coming up she's there and can perhaps help them as they start, might help her socialising with them when they come up.