complex mental health problems?

[onwardandupwards]

Any advice really really welcome (and needed) I have a ds who is 7, he is very aggressive, he slammed my front door so hard the glass shattered. He has meltdowns everywhere we go, he soils/wets himself on purpose and will then spread it around, he is always talking about death, he will not do anything i ask even if it is just washing his hands, he wont dress himself, is very anxious and will not talk to people outside of the house(it took him 8 months to speak to his teacher) he cant stand lies and has to know the truth, hates reading and writing, is great with numbers though. Heres the flip he goes into school and is a different boy he is very quiet in fact he rarely speaks, is not aggressive but very passive and calm the school have said they dont ask much of him as if they tell him off he messes himself and spreads it round classroom which then has to be deep cleaned. (The only time school sees a problem is if theres a trip as it freaks him out not being in the right place or not wearing uniform on a school day) No mums speak to me as they think hes odd and i cant parent. He is hyperactive and gets up alot in the night it takes between 3 and 5 hrs to get him from tea to bed and if he is up before me he wakes me up by screaming down my ear or hitting me. I have seen a pead consultant who says he has complex mental needs what does this mean? His school told me to call supernanny?!! I go to bed in tears as when my ds is lovely he is an amazing loving little boy. I have a appointment for CAHMS in April. If anyone can offer any advice it is so welcome, i have no friends as ds barks at them (like a dog) or just flips moods constantly and they cant deal with him as he hates public places they trigger meltdowns. Thanks for reading and sorry its so long.

Do you have a trampoline? I have read that cerebra family fund can help with the cost. It might be a good way to expend energy, my ds is always much more chilled out after a good bounce.
www.familyfund.org.uk/grants

Sorry for no replies dd was taken to hospital and we only got home late last night. Dc dad was a alcoholic he was never diagnoised with OCD but was pretty organised and things had to be a certain way. We do have a trampoline but ds is so loud the neighbours complain and if they come out he shouts abuse at them. My next door neighbour calls him a loon/ fruitcake/nut which upsets me, (yes she calls him this to his face) my other neighbour says all the toys in my garden make it look messy! my ds is the only young child in the street so he will sound loud?!

Tiresome neighbours. Fancy saying that to a little boy. I'm sorry you've got that on top of everything else.

Have you heard the term sensory processing disorder? It's the theory that underlying problems like asd, ocd, adhd is an inability to process all the information that's coming at us quickly enough. There's a good book about the problem called The Out of Sync Child. I found it really helpful in understanding where my ds is coming from. You were saying that he found the cinema and swimming pool stressful so it might be of interest.

Hope your dd is okay.

Thank you so much, will look for the book. Thank you so much for advice will have a look at what has been suggested. Dd is home and doing ok. thank you again have an assessment end of march, hope the consultant understands!

dc dad cheated on me with prostitutes loads of times, only recently found out my dc (which i thought were his 2nd and 3rd )are actually his 9th and 10th. Might need to be a bit clearer about exs history (if i would of known all this i would not of gone with in a million miles of him!)

No he was never violent towards me, just smashed things up and stroped about. We broke up after i found out i was expecting dd 11 years ago, we got back together when she was 5 then he did the same thing when i had ds, i phoned him to tell him we had a son and he said no, you do. That was nearly 7 years ago not heard from him since that day.

Lots of helpful suggestions above, and it sounds like you'll get a proper assessment and diagnosis for your DS soon (maybe more help for dd too?).

The one thing which might be less accessible later would be a speech therapy assessment. I say this because slt departments can attribute difficulties directly to other explanations eg asd, bipolar, etc. But these can co-exist with language difficulties that then get missed. School can get this arranged quite fast. Some areas let GPs, parents, paediatricians etc refer as well, you'd probably need to ring up the department to check.

He has no speech problems, just cannot read or write well at all, he gets his letters confused (b and p and d mainly)

Yeah sure, T. H. I am still going with the diary and thinking positive. Dd has an appointment with phycologist in 2 weeks.

I have filmed it a few times and taken pictures of the damage in the house/garden/car. Yes last name starts with Ha, (dc have my last name as he refused to go on their birth certificates)

Even now ds is wide awake playing with his car in bed, he got up at 5.30am!

will try everything! Try to keep house stress free, but tonight dd has thrown laptop, slapped me really hard across back and just been totally moody!!!

Thank you so much for all your advice and support! Have no idea with dd she is all over the place mood wise, consultant only realised she had issues after dd screamed at him and ran out of hospital. (Thankfully he is a very understanding consultant)