6 yo with Asperger's & violent meltdowns

[Copperhobnob]

Hello, this is the 1st time i've been on this discussion forum, i didn't know it was here until yesterday!

I have a 6 yo son who was diagnosed with Asperger's almost a year ago. Generally, he copes brilliantly and is pretty high functioning. When he does have a meltdown though, he is violent, hitting, kicking, biting, nipping, scratching etc

This week, we've had half-term/back to school routine changes and his dad's going away pattern has changed. He's usually away from Mon pm until Thurs pm. C copes with it, though he misses him, because there's a regular pattern. This week he was here until Wednesday & will be home maybe tomorrow, maybe Mon.

I totally understand why C is all to hell & melting down but when his routine alters, he's hair trigger. He can go from calm to full meltdown in an instant and once it has begun, there's no reasoning with him. He had 2 within the space of an hour tonight, the initial trigger being not getting what he wants instantly. The thing is, he's getting too strong for me. I get out his room & leave him to calm but i have to hold his door shut to stop him coming after me. He's getting too strong for me to do this.

What do I do? We explain the changes and the reasons for it and i know he understands them intellectually although it makes no difference in practice. I asked the lady running the Cygnet course i attended recently and she had no idea either.

Thanks for reading & any suggestions gratefully received.

Rachael

Sending you hugs and I totally understand where you are coming from.

There is no easy way I have found but to ride it out. i do use visuals a lot when DS is in meltdown as words mean nothing and only exacerbate the situation so I keep to short quick sentence.

ie. DS...I understand you are unhappy

but this behaviour is not on

you need to talk to me

At the same time I look like a traffic warden lol with my hand in a stop signal

Then I walk away if it carrys on I quietly say "dont shout, talk" and repeat it often.

If still going on I get a piece of paper put a picture of his fav thing of the day ie DSI, DVD, Park, (rough babyish sketch lol) then two columns. One side I put a cross.

I go to him and hand him the paper and tell him he has a cross, 5 crosses and he has lost the right to 10 mins ds time or lost the dvd etc. He shouts again I merely put another cross and again if he throws something even if it is just a cushion and leave it on the floor and tell him he needs to LOOK and THINK hard about his behaviour and he needs to talk to me. Again I walk away into the kitchen.

I give him 5 crosses/chances so he has a chance to drop down a level gradual as I just know he cannot switch from meltdown to angel.

I have literally filtered it under the bedroom door if he is on a manic meltdown and sat against the door on the other side. The visual seems to kick in. If he starts talking then I make a big think and put a tick on the other side or I ask him to do it himself and so on it goes.

Dont know if that will help. DS hates change to routine or unexpected surprises and it is so difficult and easy to sympathise but if I do then that encourages bad behaviour in this house which will do him no favours anywhere else. :)

another thing is I never get into an argument with him or try to discuss the behaviour or explanation for change. I just act like a quiet repetitive robot hoping to get rid of the meltdown first then explain the consequence or behaviour well after he has calmed down x

And noooooo this doesnt work every time!

Quick reply as right arm is agony after last nights meltdown (i've had an op and it got wrenched).

Thanks very much. I always forget about visuals and use language...which of course makes no difference. I threaten to take toys away, he kicks, i take toy away, he goes ballistic. Giving him 5 chances to calm is a great idea.

I do wish his bedroom door opened outwards though, i'm actually having to pull it shut & i'm not strong enough now. Although to be fair to him, he does calm down very quickly once i have the door closed & goes weepy. THAT i can handle! LOL

Ask your DH to alter the framework and have it opening the other way. Its only a matter of a bit of 2 by 1 placed further in and then alter the hinges. That is what I got my DH to do. That way I sit against it and talk to him softly to calm down and telling him I am right here to listen to what is upsetting him so he is reasured I havent left him. I must say though he bedroom is the last resort if all else fails. I dont have loads of toys in his room just soft toys and a couple reading books so its a quiet place for him rather than chaotic.

Does your DS like music? DS has sensory issues too and easily gets overloaded and lately we have given him an ipod with music on and if we see him getting wound up we tell him and point out that things are getting too much (we are trying to teach him to recognise the signs he is getting stressed) and tell him to listen to his music for 5 mins or so. It cuts out everything else going on around him. A few weeks on now he will march to his room and stick a CD in his dvd player and wack the sound up like a teenager so he is getting the hang of it sometimes :)

Another one is a visual holiday chart? Ok so things are different which my DS hates too but he hates surprises more so we have a holiday planner so even if different he still knows what is happening next and I ask him to choose some activities each day with us so he feels he is in control of at least some of the choices :)

Organised Mum planner on the wall showing when Dad is going and coming back.

(Mark off the days on the days on the calender with a tick so DS can instantly identify which day is today)

We have visual school timetable on the fridge and our organised mum wall planner that lots of stuff goes on. The stickers help with stuff like end of term as DS can see the changes coming, and daft stuff like dental appointments, haircut day, family visits in advance and get himself mentally prepped.

We used a VERY simplfied version of the incredible social scale - basically red, yellow and green cards. DS had to identify when he was getting would up with a yellow card which gave me the chance to dive in and calm things down to get him back to green before he hit red (melt down!). Made a massive difference. The only trouble for me was consitiency (remembering to hold up a yellow card at 5.30 am is NOT as easy as it sounds).

Ambitous about autism have a 2 day course coming up on challenging behavior www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/page/what_we_do/training/training_programme/challenging_behaviour.cfm if you can get to Highgate.

Cos it's ABA based it's easy to personalise to your circumstances, and if desperate probably quicker than waiting for LEA help.

I know where you are coming from too! DS is 5 with AS and transitions and changes are very hard for him too.

You've already had loads of brilliant suggestions so I thought I would a little!

I can also recommend an Organised Mum planner in the kitchen to flag up holidays etc with lots of stickers which really helps.

We also have a little whiteboard where we write up our timetable for the day together (hour by hour) and go through it the morning. This is very calming for him as well as getting him prepared as he just loves timetables!!!

The other thing that I have been focussing on is food as during the holidays it's easy to be a bit out with timings. And I have found that keeping sugary stuff to be eaten just with meals to be really helpful. DS is also on a gluten-free diet which has also made a big difference to the frequency of his meltdowns.

Poor you and poor ds. Mine knows that meltdowns are baby-ish and he hates having them. We tell him to count to ten and keep doing that until he pulls himself together.
There's usually an underlying hunger/thirst issue (ds is hopeless at recognising he's hungry etc) so I try to give him a drink or snack quickly. A psychiatrist would probably say I'm setting up an unhealthy association with food, but OT works for us for now.

OT = it

We have 2 of these large cheap whiteboards (one for social stories & what's happening & one for academic stuff)

www.amazon.co.uk/Q-Connect-KF03571-Whiteboard-Wooden-600x900mm/dp/B001O3I8KG/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1329668194&sr=8-5

Here's the monthly planner we use
www.amazon.co.uk/Organised-Mums-Home-Deluxe-Planner/dp/B0057WN1Y8/ref=sr_1_cc_3?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1329668285&sr=1-3-catcorr

Organised Mum also does a weekly planner if you feel your child would cope better with that (it's the one we started with).

www.amazon.co.uk/Organised-Mum-Family-Home-Planner/dp/B005QAJYWE/ref=pd_sim_office_1

Sorry I got them muddled up - this is the design we are using (DS finds the columns easiest to follow).

Thank you so much for your replies. Daddy is home so the situation has calmed but i'll look into all this stuff, there will no doubt be a next time!