I'm in a very dark place....coping with DD1's so-called SNs (no idea if has SEN/ASD/Dyslexia). 2-DH and his reluctance to SEE 'a problem with DD' as he calls my concerns and the school's outlook...

[shineonycd]

It is the school hols, and I am trying to get a couple of hours' sleep after a night shift ( I work as an HCA in the local hospital). DDs (i've got 2) are watching cbeebies after lunch, and i'm unable to sleep, as twice this week, they've wrecked the living room with litter, spilled actimel which is not allowed in here) fridge and my MiL's room as i slept in the living room for 2.5 hours after two nights i worked over the weekend... i sleep an average of four to five hours a night (or day as the case may be)
Today,..DD1 is openly masturbating and my trying to repeatedly distract her, talking to her, etc has not worked....its been going on since she was a 16 month old... maybe even younger... In those days, she would just go rigid and stiff with her ankles crossed, hands rigid, at her crotch- MiL said she's probably got a UTI... She sometimes hits DD2 across the face, pulls her hair etc and whenever something breaks, she keeps saying it was DD2, getting louder and louder... I feel its for attention, as it happens when i'm cooking, in the shower or in the loo...
Come to think of it, she was always a quiet baby- would go to anyone, laugh and giggle or cry loudly at times... she and i never had a chance to bond beyond a point as MiL who lives with us had a 'parental right' seceeded by DH who worked full time...So MiL had DD1 whilst i worked weekends as an HCA...
I noticed DD1s lack of social skills, her

School is helping all they can, and she has a statement, but no diagnosis, so I am constantly talked to (at home) as if i'm 'labelling' my daughter, going along with the school's agenda.I had raised concerns when DD1 was 18 months old witha HV who came to see DD2, and was made to drop it by MiL..

School SENCO and SS, Paeds and OT agree DD1 (now 7.5 yrs) has /hasn't got ASD/Dyslexia/Complex needs... SENCO and Paed. indicated, after four years of observations and assessments on DD complex needs', at the age of 3.5 yrs in 2008, that she lacked social skills, has poor co-ordination, has problems with pragmatic and receptive language, which i have also noted since she began speaking and later, attended nursery, ....
At present, apart from the issue, she is doing ok at school on PScales, performing at the age of 4 yrs+ . Main issue is her behaviour, her lack of cooperation in conforming with any kind of authority (even mine) apart from DH.
I don't know where i am coming from or going to, except that i need a helping, guiding hand which, sadly DH is too busy, too aloof to provide, WRT this issue...Would a diagnosis help, or is it fine to waddle along for as long as her SNs become more definable...?? Is it ASD, or Dyslexia??
I worry about her not fitting in with her peers, her lack of empathy, her inappropriate behaviour, etc...(She is also preoccupied and fascinated with breasts, and bums, for some reason...)
If youaare reading this, thankyou from the bottom of my heart.... :(

Dear Miggsie, Bochead, becaroooo, Jakadaal, zzzz, coff33pot, Lizs, Ineedalife, and all the other lovely ladies who have been such a gr8 halp to me in the past few days,

First of, we had a great B'day for DD2, and nearly all of her friends attended the kiddie-party! Yesterday, my Brother, a friend from India and both their wives also arived, making the real birthday even more special! Hubby was a dear sport, too, coming home and spending time with my brother and our childhood friend after work, so it was fantastic for me and also the DDs!

I must admit, though, that DD1 did feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of kids at home on DD2's party for her friends, and had been unkind to three of the kids, from telling DD2's best friend she HATED her, to touching another child's face with her foot when they were all playing and dancing around on the carpet, (she did not stop when asked to, but apologised and hugged the girls when I suggested she say sorry for being unkind and rude)... Her lack of social skills wasn't too apparent, but her inability to cope with a change was..

I'm going to talk to a Parent Partnership officer and request them to attend the meeting at school, and I'll get in touch with my GP tomorrow morning. I also need some idea what a 'good' IEP include and I'll re-post some of her previous IEPs.

I had a word with DH and my bother about how to take things further WRT DD1's Dx.
Will keep posting..
Have a lovely sunday, and God Bless you all & your families!

hugs.

Thats good to hear shine

x

You've had lots of good advice, which I won't waste time repeating. I was just wondering, if your dh and mil will still be in denial after you get (or decide to get) an NHS diagnosis. And if so, whether a private second opinion from an eminent specialist of some sort would help, maybe someone Indian, same community, subcaste etc if that matters to your mil.

Sometimes people only value assessments and advice that they've paid for. And I'd recommend you read anything by Tony Attwood plus see if the denial etc is malicious or just their side of the family being so chock-full of traits that they genuinely can't see how dd can have SN (the 'but uncle Derek was just the same as a boy' scenario).

Had a good talk with the Parent Partnership Officer; the lady is such a great help. Agreed on points to raise at the school SEN meeting on Friday- looking at GP referral to Paed. for a possible review of her Dx. Thankyou for all your support, ladies.
PP will be involved in all DD1's reviews, on my special request. DH still asleep (his day off today!)