High functioning and private/independent primary

[AprilSkies]

Does anyone have any experience of sending their high functioning child to an independent primary? Did a dx help or hinder you?

Ds is so capable and progressing so fast with Aba/Vb, that I think a dx might just be a negative label and a hindrance to him. My ABA consultant agrees, does anyone have a similar experience?

It looks like he would not get a dx of Asd but of social communication disorder. Can I delay the ADOS assessment for a while?

I agree that you don't have to tell the school about the dx.

However make sure you find out exactly the schools attitude towards SEN. Is there any chance they'll kick him out if his behaviour deterioates?

I guess I wouldn't want to send my DS whose ASD is now almost cured, to a school that wouldn't accept kids with ASD.

Sure he's only had one 'incident' this year, and sure 'he was provoked' - but the important thing was how the school handled it. (very sympathetically).

DSs dx has had absolutely no negative consequences at all - but then he's in the state system not private.

When I put ds into an independent I didn't tell them he had a dx or a statement.

I had to give a reason for why I wanted to pay for some on-site support so I told them he had some language issues/social communication problems.

You don't HAVE to tell them.

They did find out eventually (when planning transition elsewhere) and I told them that neither dx nor statement had been anything but detrimental to his progress so far and that I was pleased with their excellent provision and his progress there. They were very understanding and tbh, used to 'different' parents.

Hth

But I actually agree with the other posters that say you should go ahead with the assessment. It's just information and up to you whether you accept ir disclose it.

Is it really that simple to keep it from them? Especially when other providers know, such as SALT or specialist teacher we've been allocated from LEA?

I really think that by sept, he will talking in a very functional way, he's come on leaps and bounds from oct last year. Then the dx of SCD might be outdated...

Well I kept all agencies separate. The SALT and LA staff didn't know he was in a nursery.

The thing about language disorders is that as the national curriculum progresses, the embedded language becomes more complex as do the social rules. He may be catching up with his peers and that is great but he could well need support to then get him to the next level. I have learnt with my own ds that once 'performing' as say a 5 yr old (even if peers are as a 4 yr old) then that is where he'll stay without support iyswim.

Not saying that will be the same for your ds but language disorders are very complex.

We had Ados and rejected neuro's dx based on 45 min observation. We might ask for another Ados in a few years. But if he's doing really well we probably won't be bothered to take him to another Ados. We didn't like the idea of putting some wifey's opinion a dx on his records so young.

April do you have a particular school in mind? If so, what do you like about it?

Ps glad the aba is going so well.

We have a school in mind. They are academically very good, Ds is advanced in certain areas and learns very quick. They have smaller classes and more time spent on each child. They focus on all aspects to build confidence like sport, music, social, not just academic.

The main thing I want for ds is for him to be confident. Both myself and dp were cripplingly shy and avoided many activities as children due to lack of confidence. Our schools focused mainly on academic and didn't really help our confidence although we are both academic. It's just not enough sometimes.

I want him to enjoy school and feel successful. I don't want him to feel performance anxiety about everything and learn to be successful at avoiding rather than overcoming irrational fear. Does that make sense?

Part of him being confident in my eyes is not being labeled and treated as different. He is very sensitive and I want him to realise he can do anything if he wants too. I know it will take an understanding of his weaknesses and strengths but I feel a label doesn't necessary give that... An open mind does.

Oodles, if I remember rightly, your dx has a visual impairment? Ds does too and I know it has contributed to his delay, although professionals dismiss it as rubbish. That's why I feel he is responding so well to aba, it's not as clear cut as a label of ASD or SCD.

ADOS is not recommended for children with visual impairment, although because his vision has come on so well, people discount the way it has affected him in the past.

When I say past, I mean his key formative learning stage between 6 months to 18 months.

Dc not dx...

Starlight, I take on your point about not knowing his future difficulties. I think if it wasn't for his visual impairment I would be more inclined to believe he might have future difficulties.

Let's be honest, ABA isn't a cure, it's intensive developmental learning. We haven't come across any issues that indicate future difficulties, like a lack of ability to generalise. What we have discovered is that he is bright, couldn't communicate, didn't know how to play, through lack of exposure and he has anxiety levels much higher than typical toddlers. His anxiety makes his motivations different to typical toddlers but once these are overcome, he demonstrates typical behaviours.

He's fearful and lacking in confidence, I feel due to visual impairment. He is socially very engaged, shows empathy and has few behaviours that are not anxiety related. He does stim but again, lack of stimulation due to lack of sensory input when younger.

Oh God April, I'm the last person that would suggest you reduce your expectations for your ds. If you can pull it off then absolutely go for it. It's clear you are thinking things through in detail and I have every confidence in your and subsequently his success.

has few behaviours that are not anxiety related - but if his anxiety doesn't go away this can still have a huge effect on him at school.

I should probably keep my mouth shut :) But I strongly feel things will go badly if you don't tell school that he has ASD.

I haven't found that school lowered expectations at all because of DSs ASD - all I've found is that there pastoral care has been much, much better. And that when they don't know what to do they get advice from the ASD outreach team, and that when there is an 'incident' (him hitting someone, or running away) it's handled like it's a symptom of his ASD, rather than because he is naughty.

DSs main symptom is anxiety. He certainly doesn't stim at school, he has friends, no language problems......

His anxiety did cause him to walk out of class a lot (eg every time there's a times table test :) )

Oh, and his noise sensitivity (which we've now cured) made the classroom unbearable for him, so he used to walk out of class about 5 times a day.

I really think until your child starts school you don't know what he'll struggle with.

Morning April, well ds had an entire body/all senses impairment from 7 - 12 months plus tube fed until 17 months. He always had just enough language to slip under the radar and it wasn't until nursery that his problems became apparent. He then spent a year in a useless nursery stalling while we got our head around what was going on and waiting for a place at Montessori nursery.

Personally I prefer to talk about ds's specific short comings. He's still not level with his peers but makes great strides so his problems, or their manifestations, keep changing. I agree with indigo that underlying sensory processing issues remain. But we are getting better at handling them.

It seems to me that the really good schools see the child not the label.

Who says visually impaired children can't do Ados? Peter Hobson (or Peter something) at Tavistock has done lots of work blind 'autistic' children.

And remember you don't have to tell your DS about the dx either.

IndigoBell - I really agree with your earlier posts

My DS was kicked out of preschool and suffered significant bullying and anxiety before he got his statement 2 years ago. He is now happy and doing well in his new state infant school getting the (1:1) support he needs. He still has some anxiety and unfortunately stims at school but the great pastoral care they show him means that overall he is now doing very well.

A child has just left my DD's private primary school because, with his ADHD, it just didn't work. Poor kid, the school tried to be very understanding and accepting but they had no idea how to deal with his behaviour and how to explain it to the other kids, academically he was fine. His parents tried it and it hasn't worked so I'm not saying don't try it. I think that most kids with any form of SN are mostly better served in the state system because there is a legal requirement to meet their needs (whether it is through a statement or School Action etc) AND, I hate to say it, they stick out less, probably because of more diversity.

Grappling with the same issues myself at the moment. I can see what you are saying Davros, but on the other hand, a class with fifteen children instead of thirty and a secondary with two hundred rather than twelve hundred looks good to me.

My DS aged 5 is at a prep school where they know about his AS. I can only say that informing them of his dx (he was dxed at the beginning of Year 1) was the best thing we could have done.

The school have been incredibly supportive and when he has had the odd meltdown they have dealt with it brilliantly. He has a visual timetable in the classroom, his own special spot at the front so he can hear instructions clearly and he receives additional support from the SEN with his handwriting. He was bullied a little this term which the school dealt with immediately. He is a class of 15 which means that his teacher really knows him. Academically he is doing really well too.

A good independent prep school should welcome your child.

There are the alternative private schools and the very trad/conformist ones. Are the people on this thread with good experiences at progressive or trad?

Also, how much supplement are you paying, eg as a proportion of fees?

Its certainly worth a go for all the good reasons given here, small classes and teachers who really know your DC. But they will need clear strategies to deal with behaviour in particular imo and of course any other issues. I hope it goes well if you decide to do it.