Residential schools for aspergers/asd - costs/access

[AdLibitum]

I have posted before about my ds2 who now has a 'record of need' - which I think is the equivalent of your 'statement' - I am in the Channel Islands. I love him but just feel I can't parent him full time. Yes, am a bad person but need to look into alternatives for all our sakes. Anyone?

No one on here would think you are a bad parent Adlib, we have all had times when we havent been able to cope.

I dont know much about SN's in the channel islands do you get any support or respite care.

I have family in guernsey but none with sn's.

I agree with ineed - needing extra support doesn't mean you are a bad parent.

gabbitas guide for independent school and ofsted are good places to start to get reviews of schools. Ofsted you can search online by area and by type of school.

Would the States pay for him to go to independent school Adlib?

Or is there anywhere suitable in the islands?

Thans Pink, I wiil have a look at those sites.
Ineed - no residential or respite here in Jersey that I know of.
Only just had thw diagnosis so a bit clueless. Just can't accept the impact on my life at the moment. Really fed up.

Am not rich though in relation to paying for him to go to a boarding school.. Am a single parent with a decent job, but no major resources - and my other son is suffering too as we can't do normal things.

Am just not cut out for this. Feel hopeless.

Don't know what to say Adlib, I really feel for you I know how hard it can be.

Did you suspect ASD before your Ds was Dx'ed? How old is he?

I think you need to find out what the situation is for paying for residential. Its the cost of getting him backwards and forwards too which you will need help with. It would be a huge burden financially for you to take on and they are at school for a long time.

Do you have a family support worker/health visitor or proffesional of any kind that you can talk to.

Try to be kind to yourself, none of us were prepared for our kids to be different and we all have really bad times especially after DX because it seems so final.

Do you have any family/frineds who could take him for a couple of hours a wek just to give you some time for your other Ds. I know its not enough but its a start.

Take care.

Thanks Ineed. Maybe it is the finality of the DX that has made me feel so hopeless at the moment. I do have family support and I need to find what else is available out there.

Hi Adlib, i had a thought last night that maybe you should start another thread on this board asking more specificly [sp] about ASD provision in Jersey.

I dont know if there are any other members on the island but it is worth a try.

Hope you are ok.

Cambian group and priory education group both have specialist ASD boarding schools on the mainland. However, they are hugely expensive and local education authorities will not fund them willingly. On the mainland you would need to prove that your education authority could not offer any suitable provision and that usually involves going to the SEN Tribunal. I don't know how the SEN provision works in the channel islands.

basildog is right, DS goes to an ASD residential school but it took over a year of fighting and a tribunal to force the LA to fund it. You need to gather a lot of evidence to show that the child's needs are severe and that it's affecting your home life. Do you get support from social services?

It doesn't make you a bad parent to need respite from your child, I think it's something that should be offered to everyone and DS has really thrived since he started at his school. It's the best place for him as there was nothing locally that could meet his needs.

I don't know much about the SEN system in the Channel islands either but hopefully you'd have the equivalent of Parent Partnership or some other advice service which could offer more specific help.

I would guess that, like the rest of the world, jersey wants to see that all other avenues have been considered before stumping up for residental schools. Plus they are likely to want to avoid direct responsibility for boarding schools etc, so foster care and short breaks seem to be the main focus of social care input. Presume you know these links already but just in case...

scroll down for autism jersey and also has details for mencap and district nurses respite schemes. Even if it looks irrelevant to your ds, they may have an idea where to point you.

Also state provision and special schools

Without the positive effects of methylphenidate and melatonin, I don't think I'd be able to parent ds. Other medicines help other dc in similar ways, risperidone in particular sometimes help with anxiety related difficult behaviours. Music therapy was great for my ds. Theres one called fiona speller who might be wrth researching. Occupational therapy, CBT and speech/language stuff also help.

You dont say how old your ds is nor whether he has other learning issues, but it all sounds just too hard right now. Respite, the education input, medical and therapies stuff etc need to be sorted, plus most mums need emotional, practical and possibly medical and financial assistance at some point. And I'd suggest if you're feeling you can't go on, then despite the needs plan, something your family is getting is inadequate.

You dont say how old your ds is nor whether he has other learning issues, but it all sounds just too hard right now. Post diagnosis is an awful time, well it was for me, and it improved when stuff started getting done.

Gosh, thanks everyone for your messages - haven't been on mn for a couple of days.
Will contact social services and ask about foster care/short breaks.
I need to get more involved with autism Jersey too.
What are methylphenidate and melatonin?
God, he is 5 tomorrow. I have the day off work and am dreading it

My DS goes to Priors Court School in Berks. I know there is another student there whose parents live in the IOW. Not sure how/if this helps but thought it might be encouraging. As for the whole BIG issue of accepting that residential is the right thing, that is another long story but the main thing is, if it is the right thing for your DS you must not feel guilty. I haven't had a guilty day since our DS went to residential for so many reasons.

Thanks Davros. Do you pay privately?

where i use to work the school had a small residential on the school and then they had residential provisions in a few neighbouring towns that bussed children in everyday, some went home at weekends, some stayed full time at residential and went home very occasionally, some travelled from residential 1 day a week and then travelled from home every other day. this was a private school but as far as i now most of the children had funded places that where battled for through the LA. not sure if that is of any help x

scrap what i said about private... it isnt, your local LA have to get the place for students X

OK, thanks.

Methylphenidate takes the edge off hyperactivity. Melatonin helps with sleep. There's one called risperidone which some drs use for anxiety and severe outbursts. I'm not saying drugging children is necessarily the answer, but if the paediatrician thinks there's a chance of reducing symptoms it might help.

There are a lot of really useful tricks and strategies that could mean you dont end up asking for meds, and the national autistic society and autism jersey should be able to advise you. That said, no- one would blink at medication for a child looking at boarding school because of a physical disability.

No, we don't pay privately. As far as I know, in the UK a UK national CANNOT pay privately for a SN school place, it has to be done through a Statement. Maybe some schools would make arrangements? I have known people who are not UK/EU nationals and therefore cannot get a statement, pay privately for an independent SN school. My DS takes Risperidone, started when he was 8 and it has been fantastic, he went to residential at 12.5 and I think he would have gone sooner without Risperidone and then respite, both those put it off because he was calmer and we were able to cope better. He also started on a 44 week termly placement at residential, it could have been 38 week termly, it could have been weekly. Think long and hard if you go for residential about choosing weekly, you may feel better about it but its a poor option imo. You get NO free weekends, if you don't get transport you are backwards and forwards to the school, your DC misses out on activities and outings that are planned at the weekends at school which are great and better than I can do and they settle better. On a termly placement you can have them home at weekends when you want and they will be home in the holidays.