SEN children in Church

[jandymaccomesback]

Would anyone liketo tell me their experiences (good and bad) of how Churches cope with SEN children?

sen? or sn?

i don't think sen makes much difference tbh.

if you're talking about sn like aspergers or even physical disability, i generally find congregations to be very accepting. i have heard a few tales of children with learning disabilities that prevent understanding of liturgy not being allowed to take part in first communion or confirmation, though.

my parents always take the kids when they stay. it all seems fine. the kids quite like the routine and the traditional aspects. and of course the singing. and they particularly like the wafer and ribena.

we (well, more dh, tbh) go with dd1 sometimes. she is not always the quietest or most compliant child

so far, out of 4 different parishes, all have been welcoming and there has been no problem at all.

current church has even suggested she join in the children's Sunday school bit (ie the bit where they take all the children off to stop them interrupting the service ), but I don't htink she is ready for that. dd2 has started wanting to go along with the other childrne, though, so maybe soon.

dd1 is only 7, so no communion/confirmation issues yet.

outofbody both really.

My ds (4) has asd & ld - we are members of the local baptist church and the congregation is mainly young familys. Our church is very accommodating and accepting - we have found that sitting in the front row is best for ds as we are close to the vestry and he can wander round there if he needs to. He has gone into sunday school a few times and the leaders are fab with him (one is a primary special needs teacher).
We have had a few funny moments - he recently shouted "wake up mummy" during prayers and "cake blow" when the advent candles were lit!
Our church has links with a local specail school and some of the children come to a coffee morning once a week and wander round the church, play the drums etc.
I would not be happy going to a church where we were not accepted or made to feel DS had to conform.

dd2 loves going to the sunday school. one day she decided to wander back early and took a total mega-crash down the single step and collapsed in a heap at the vicar's feet, to the abject horror and collective sharp intake of breath of the entire church. he just put his hand out and hoiked her back up and carried on with his sermon, not missing a beat except to grin at her.

afterwards she got an extra cookie and all the old ladies took turns patting her on the head. dd2 had no idea what all the sympathy was about, but enjoyed the cookie nevertheless.

(poor old dd1 got in the neck from me about letting her sister wander around unattended though )

actually the only bit that ds struggles with is the happy clappy bit where you are supposed to turn and hug the people around you. that freaks him out totally, so we just lunge past and randomly hug anyone who makes a beeline for him to prevent them from assault.

Our church is very welcoming to everybody and will go out of their way to welcome those with special needs.

We go twice a week and it's fine. Takes some practice to get them to sit quietly but we take colouring books, books, pens ect. If they get too noisy we go into mum and baby room

I cannot take ds to a formal church service it is too much for him. I take him occasionally if there is lots of music planned but usually end up taking him out. Everyone is very nice to him and welcoming but he gets overexcited and really noisy.

In out town however they have a special service at another church as part of Churches Together for people with LD. I take him to this and he is fine there. They have videos of the singing with signing(too hard for him) which most of the attendees love. He loves the biscuits afterwards and I feel like he fits in sort of!

In our town

Our church is great with DS. He is very keen on music and playing musical instruments. He can't play the guitar yet, but they let him join the band up front with his electric base guitar. He's not plugged in . He doesn't have to stay there the whole time and sometimes dances, lies on the floor, waves flags or eats toast .

We go to a very relaxed type of service!

We go to a relaxed/family service once or twice a month. It's been good for ds to learn not to shout out "i'm buzz light year" (or whatever) during prayers. Not that anyone minded when he did. The hardcore of the congregation know him well and prayed for him when he was very ill.
He's a bit wary of the greeting bit too but fortunately our church is quite trad so you only have to shake hands. Ds feels enormously grown up if he manages that.
And at the end there's biscuits and all the kids run around like mad things which is ds's idea of heaven!

my youngest son once entertained everyone with an amazing rendition of the crazy frog ringtone

If you find the good religious people, then they will be accepting, welcoming and warm. If you find the other sort (you know what I mean!) then you'll be as welcome as a warm turd on the altar.

I don't like the peace either: however there is a very good song about it to help people understand it better
www.metacafe.com/watch/2394631/mrs_beamish/

Dh (who plays in the music group) thought it was very funny when he was asked by one of the young congregation if she could play the next hymn.

Love the clip.

I have had different reactions from different churches although the greater percentage were positive.
Negatives - one church did offer if I needed help keeping my children under control when DS1 was bullied by one of the Sunday School leaders children after the service, he ran off outside to hide, they went slightly grumpy that he went outside . Then they started on DSs running around after the service, running up and down the stage steps after the service...Wouldn't generally bother me but was a church that puts across an image of being really child friendly they didn't come across that way in real life.

Went to a baptist church that was fab with my kids - the Sunday School teacher suggested that DS1 might have AS (she was a teacher as a day job) she was just great with him.

Now in a Church in Wales church and they have also been happy with DS1 even when he spent all his time rolling under a pew. They have encouraged him so much that he now sings in the choir. The vicar has also used DSs special interests as topics for assemblies when he goes into the school . Vicar still hasn't got to grips with DS2 who is, to put it nicely, rather too cuddly. But he is never actually nasty to him, just can see the complete discomfort in his face if DS2 wraps himself around him.

Maybe the vicar has tactile oversensitivity.

We have had really good experiences (for the most part). Sometimes the church has needed reminding... (for example one service the pastor was using an illustration about stepping out of the comfort zones of our faith by moving the church around, so the environment was different, so ds went out to kids church with it one way and came back and room looked totally different... ) but when I pointed out that letting me know that was going to happen would have been useful I got a good response. .

As far as being welcome, I remember ds wearing his favourite hi vi waistcoat and luminout headphones dancing to his shadow to the Christmas carols at the front of the church and no one batting an eyelid .

Also kids church have (over time) become increasingly fab. ds gets to do the creche age story and activities, (they make a book specially for him, tailored to his way of working) while being in with the older ones (for as long as he can manage) he then has free time play before coming back in to the adutls with the others.. (we have accessed Aiming High funding for a one to one worker to support him, as the kids church staff are all parent volunteers, and we are struggling to have enough... we have lots of kids ... 60 plus some weeks)

I think I would second the comments that if you find a church that doesn't make you and your kids welcome look for another!

I think for us it has been a bit different cos we were settled in the church before ds arrived, (dh is physically disabled and church has been really fab with support there.) So we felt we would stay and 'educate where needed', and this is working really well....

We seem to have more people with SN than not in our church .

DS2 and DS3 have physical disabilities and don't really need any extra help from anyone else at church but people seem to be very accomodating in general eg making sure we have the notices at the same time every week so 2 of the ladies who have ASD don't get upset.

My old church needed the minister to read out a letter he asks me to write for the congregation generally as apparently some (mainly old people) were complaining about my two (Fragile x syndrome)

I wrote about all of us being Gods children regardless of age, gender, disability' etc
It went down well and got a lot of 'Amens' and 'praise the Lord''s!

The ministers wife was the best though; youngest happily waving the flags around, bonking the odd parishioner on the head, NT teenage daughter tried to grab him, he swung round, trod the the minsters wife's foot and yelled "Fck Off Fat Btch".
The ministers wife shrugged her shoulders, winked at me and said "Don't worry, I'm a psychologist, I'm used to being sworn at"!!!!