Undiagnosed dyslexia leading to awful temper?

[McTemp]

No idea if it's the right place for it- it's about DP, not my child. I don't know for sure if he even has dyslexia, but his spelling/grammar is often wrong ('becouse', 'greatful', 'bridesmades' to name just a few that spring to mind, can't differentiate between their/there, where/were etc).

He's early 30's, had a handful of GCSEs but was often 'naughty' at school and always in trouble. As an adult, if he struggles to do something, he flips. Car insurance online, cooking a difficult dish etc. As soon as he can't do it, he yells, swears and storms out. This happens EVERY time when he gets stressed/frustrated at something he can't do alone.

No point in getting a formal diagnosis, he doesn't need one in his (manual) job, and I imagine it would embarrass him, but what I really want to know is how can I deal with this, and what strategies can I put in place to stop him losing his temper. I was hoping someone with teenagers with learning difficulties might be able to help.

Just to add, I try and help in a non patronising way if possible "oh I don't know, iv never cooked that before- were there instructions?" sort of thing, but sometimes his temper is just so AWFUL that today I yelled back "just because you're thick, don't take it out on me". I feel utterly awful, have apologised, but don't want to be one of those women who posts on the relationship thread about a man with a temper when I bet that if I dealt with it better, it wouldn't occur in the first place.

Dont beat yourself too hard. ''when I bet that if I dealt with it better, it wouldn't occur in the first place.''

Not necessarily your fault someone loose their temper.

People in their 30s should be able to deal with their tempers without yelling or swearing.

I know, I really do. But he can control his temper in so many other situations, it really does just seem to be when he struggles to do something that others find easy, that he flips. I just thought if I could deal with it better and he still loses his temper, then I know it's 'his' problem an not something I could ever help him with, and I want to try helping him first IYSWIM.

McTemp

There are three cognitive subtypes of Developmental dyslexia: auditory, visual, and attentional. Which means that an auditory processing disorder (listening disability) , a visual processing disorder, an attention disorder, or any combination of the three can cause the dyslexic symptom.
Each dyslexic needs to identify the underlying cognitive cause of their dyslexic symptom as these disabilities tend to have more serious symptoms than just dyslexia.
You could have a look at the What Causes Your Dyslexia links collection (you need to go to the end and work backwards set up by a dyslexic lol, me) I hope this helps. Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) is the underlying cause of my dyslexia.

McTemp does your dp get into a temper only when he has to read something? My dn (who is dyslexic) has a terrible temper at times in an unpredictable blows up out of no where sort of way. But to be honest so does his dad (not dyslexic) and my brother (dyslexic) is very even tempered. My ds (dyslexic) threw incredible tantrums when he was younger and has some attention/impulse control issues and his educational psychologist said that here was an association between the two.

Anyway, I think that although you may be able to understand your dp better if you knew he did have difficulties reading (and to be honest it probably doesn't really matter that much why if it's not something he plans to address) it wouldn't make very much difference to him losing his temper, as essentially he is probably angry at himself (if it is a literacy issue). Regardless he needs to manage his temper better - it's not something you can do for him.

Hi I am a dyslexic specialist and would be more than happy to give you any advice you need for child.

I have written an article on our assessment centres website that might help:

www.thefamilypsychologist.co.uk/content/spotting-signs-dyslexia-children-what-do-next

A lot of the children I have assessed or treated for dyslexia have been showing there frustration with anger, tantrums or in ways you wouldn't believe! We find these stem from frustration within their cognitive profile where the discrepancy is making them really down on them selves! If I can help at all please PM me.

J