dd2 being hurt by special needs child, what do I do?

[Radley]

I had a terrible time getting dd2 to nursery this morning, she was crying and not wanting to go and stay home with me. When we got there i sat down with her and asked her, she said there was this boy X who keeps hurting her and bending her fingers.

I had a word with the teacher and dd2 has mentioned it to her before, the boy in question has severe special needs and does not know what he is doing even though teachers talk to him and tell him its wrong.

I am stuck now:

A) How do I explain to a 3yr old that this boy does not understand what he is doing.

B) I don't want to stop her going to nursery, but on the same hand don't want her to keep getting hurt.

I wouldn't even consider talking to the boys mum as she is one of the most unapproachable people I have ever met.

Any advise would be great.

Bump

As far as I know, there is one special needs teacher and she has been as assigned to dd2's friend who has wide spectrum learning disabilities, I have only ever seen him running about on his own growling and staring at people

This is wrong. Your dd should not be getting hurt and I think you need to really be firm with this with the nursery. They can't escape their obligations to keep your dd safe by blaming a poor little three-year old. They need to do more than 'talk to him' for heavens sake. He may need one-to-one supervision and help.

I agree. Obviously the odd thing is going to happen to anyones child at Nursery. But it does sound like this little boy needs to be getting much more supervision

It sounds as if the SN child needs one-to-one supervision which can be instigated by the nursery but needs inputs from the parents as well. It is often put in place by a statutory assessment at this stage (by arrangement with the additional needs dept of the local education authority) which facilitates the necessary fundin when the child has not yet got a Statement.

If you were to go to the supervisor and state this confidently then would be they obliged to look into this, especially since they should have noted his need for an assessment already. He must not be allowed to routinely hurt other children. It may be the nursery are not fully aware of what they should be doing. This does happen as nurseries are now in a position where they have to provide inclusive pre school education to SN children.. but may not have had a child with this type or severity of SN before. When my DS was in pre school I had to find out what to do.. and then tell the pre school how to go about it.. which they did.

I would feel as you do despite having a SN child now in a mainstream school (Y1) who is now having phases of hurting his class mates. It is devastating to hear about his misbehaviour but I am also very aware of the potential position/feelings of the parents of his class mates. I would expect them to demand action if their child was being regularly hurt by DS.

SJ x

Thank you very much for your help everyone, I have just been to pick her up and she says that everything was fine.

I can't understand why he hasn't got a special needs teacher, he had one last year, but this year she has been assigned to a different child.

Slight hijack here, but no-one has given views on what to say to Radleys dd if it continues, in terms of explaining why the boy is doing this. In my ds's class there is a child with Downs Syndrome. Some of the other children have referred to her as "naughty X" presumably because she does not always do what the teacher wants (for obvious reasons). I think things have improved since they got additional help in the class but I would be grateful for any ideas as to what to say to ds if he brings her up in conversation.

this is awful it shouldn't matter whether the other child has sn or not, the nursery have a duty to keep your child safe.

your child should not be being hurt, sounds like the boy with additional needs is not getting the support he needs and is being mismanaged, as for the mum i think it may well be that she is defensive because she feels bad about what has been happening and is always expecting someone to have a go at her, as for what to tell your DD, it's tricky, my three have autism and they don't know about the DX, they don't see themselves as any different to other kids, one of my girls often say why does swear/bite/kick, and i tell her that they are still learning to say nice words/ do nice things, i say it matter of factly often adding, you know how you are still learning/ need help with xyz.