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SN children

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Original poster

Sam is now on the Disabilities Index

16 replies

PeachyClair · 22/01/2006 20:20

Apparently, a dx (as you may remember ours was withdrawn as an admin error recently) is not required.

The SW came out at our request friday. He was treated to a full display from Sam, a treat as normally he can cover it very well in front of someone new and saves it for us. He was crawling, screeching, refusing to acknowledge, the lot.

So HOPEFULLY Sam will get a holiday scheme place now which is all we were asking for.

Our dilemma is this: because of Sam's violence, we have been warned that we may need to report Sam and have the child protection team around to assess his effect on his brothers. WTF? How can I report my baby to CPT? There's a huge difference between an AS 6 year old and a nasty child abuser, surely?

But yes, his behaviour can endanger his brothers and be unpredictable.

Dilemma, and a horrid position to be put in.

OP posts:

sparklymieow · 22/01/2006 20:28

we were reported to social services because of the stratch marks on dd2's face that dd1 had infliced on her. The hospital didn't believe me when I said her 3 year old sister had done it. We had a social worker come round and he saw just what dd1 was capable of, and said that we would be taken off the list at social services and we were referred for respite care, which we got!

sparklymieow · 22/01/2006 20:30

whta I meant to add that if you phone them and tell them, at least if any calls come from someone else, CPT will have a record of Sam's behaviour and they know the situation.

Original poster

PeachyClair · 22/01/2006 20:41

I did telephone them a while back, and DS3 was hospitalized by DS1 so i think it MUST be on record somewhere?

On one hand, we have Paeds saying we're not urgent for an appointment (we've had 4 cancellations so far) and although we discussed violence with Paed he completely ommitted it from his original report. On the other hand, we get warnings from SW!

I thought they were supposed to work together? Am I missing something?

Sam is capable of a lot of violence, random unpredicatable stuff. BUT he can also be so gorgeous and I hate the thought that he can be labelled as a danger at 6, and then be limited for the rest of his ife. Can that happen? We have been told Sam may well grow out of this, and indeed it has lessened dramatically. I can't limit the life chances of a 6 year old, I just can't.

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SoBlue · 22/01/2006 22:31

I think its best to ring them yourself too to give your version before SW does. Its shocking to think about it. I felt like this when the school did a 'risk assessment' on my ds it seemed absurd but from the other childrens point of view and if i was a parent of a nt child i can see the point now. However that made me sad to label him 'a risk' and the reality that his behaviour is a danger to others sometimes even though he doesn't mean it.

mamadadawahwah · 23/01/2006 11:35

OH MY GOD, this is all new to me!!! Excuse me while i pick up my jaw from the floor!

Havent SS got enough to do without assessing 6 year old children with disabilities? What is the motive behind this? Have they offered you drugs for your little guy? Is this what this is all about? I just do not believe it.

Once a child is on the risk "register" how hard is it to get them off? Does it also mean, that you as parents will be overly scrutinised as well, "just in case" it wasnt the child who inflicted injuries, but parents? (you know how SS thinks)

I suppose i shouldnt be too surprised that this is what is happening. I just need time to express in words what i think about it.

Original poster

PeachyClair · 23/01/2006 16:41

The SS team had to assess Sam for him to get a holiday place, he doesn't qualify for anything else as AS is 'not serious'.

The children on the at risk register wouldn't be Sam, they'd be his Brothers. I'm not happy about that, I'm not doing anything for the moment.

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jenk1 · 23/01/2006 21:01

Whats a holiday scheme PC?, just looking into different things for DS as he has recently become violent, especially towards me in the last couple of weeks, im actually a little apprehensive of him because he,s nearly as big as me!!!

He has his ADOS assessment on Thursday so we should know more of what is going on in the next couple of weeks

Original poster

PeachyClair · 23/01/2006 21:07

It's a playscheme in the school holidays.

Sam is tiny (all mine are) at the mo, but presumably he will grow and grow yet. fortunately, i'm not small. Dh has suggested I go to self defence tho, as I have been hurt a few times.

It's sad, mostly he's such a nice kid. he just flashes.

How old is your DS, jenk?

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sparklymieow · 23/01/2006 21:18

I don't understand?! My DD1 is violent, and has been since she was about 1, she used to scream all the time, she has no volume control, and she doesn't understand about hurting people. She told me today she was going to punch me in the face, and also tried to pinch her sister while hugging me, and pinched me instead, she sounds so much like your kids, but they say she doesn't have AS, maybe ADHD, but not AS

Original poster

PeachyClair · 23/01/2006 21:36

Sparkly, Paeds alternatively tell us Sam has AS and nothing, depending on their mood. Keep trying for a firm dx, but go with your heart- it's only a label anyway. look at AS info and if it fits, try the ideas (visual timetables from ebay are a good start).

The way I look at it is this: yes OK, sam has issues. But he's also a 6 year old with a personality. it's the way that combines that auses his problems, not necessarily the As disorder. So many people have As kids with very passive personalities. Sam would be impetuous and physical whatever, he just happens to lack the control knob most kids have, or the self awareness.

When I first saw a PAed, he said he didn't see the point of labelling. I was upset as effectively he WAS denying us access to help, but I kinda understand him a little now: it's just as helpful to identify and deal with the issues than to know where they are coming from.

I would try some time out techniques (Sam has a cd player and some caming pan pipe type music), maybe a visual timetable and any other relaxation techniques you can think of. If they work then great,, if not try something else. It's all hit and miss in the end.

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jenk1 · 23/01/2006 22:30

DS is 9 PC, he has his assessment this week but whatever the outcome i have been assured by his Consultant that he will receive help for his aggressiveness which in her opinion is caused by his extreme anxiety due to not being able to interact with other kids properly.

She thinks that he gets angry when he gets anxious and im the nearest one to him who he takes it out on , the other day DH had to physically restrain him while he was screaming how much he hated me and that everything is my fault.

We think he will have to be medicated as he is getting worse and i cant cope with him and dd who has CP when DH isnt around, its not something that i want to do at all but i have to think about the rest of the family.

Does your DS get like this?

misdee · 23/01/2006 22:44

SM, tbh i think your dd is more AS than ADHD. she is similar to my dd2 in so many ways.

dd2 has gotton v violent with her older sister. she has hit over the head, scracthed her, bitten her so hard she left huge bruises on her legs, and worst of all, tried to suffocate her last week. not a day goes by without a yell from dd1 about it.

Original poster

PeachyClair · 24/01/2006 09:18

Yes, sdam does get like this . Last night was a bad night actually- Stirling has two scratches on his face, which look worse as he fell on some lego (genuine accident- Stirling's balance is off due to his glue ear) and bruised his eye at the weekend.

DH works nights, and Sam is clearly ging downhill again after a long period of relative stability. We have come to the conclusioon that he will have to chnge jobs, something he wants anyway but there have been times in the past where I have had to barricade myself into a room with the other two, terrified. Sam has no real sense of fear or danger, so when he goes he just launches. I'm much more assertive with him now, but I find it hard as he gets older as I cannot transport him up to bed so easily. I have had severe back problems in the past, and I am not going to risk setting those of again carrying a fighting 6 year old, last time it was hurt (unrelated to kids) I couldn't walk for three months.

As we tell everyone, if we can sort Sam's violence / sleep out (and the two are inter-related) we can cope OK.

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MrsFrostgetful · 24/01/2006 11:35

HIJACK...sorry...this thread got me thinking....could i 'encourage' the school to report us to SS as they keep complaining that leigh attacks alex...as i'm sure if it were someone elses child...then school would have took further acation...but cos it one of my sons attacking the other...well...they tell me...but i'm not there am i...and at home i spend alot of my time racing from one end to the other to protect alex....

Original poster

PeachyClair · 24/01/2006 12:42

yes, you could request it definitely, I'd be very surprised if they didn't do it as you could argue a duty of care to your kids is breached by not following your request (I like the whole duty of care thing- can be thrown at most anything!)

Sam does this to Stirling at school too, like you if he did it to another kid there's be trouble. It's compounded by two other kids who are like Sam in their behaviour, but target other kids- I guess they have to be seen by the parents of the unrelated kids to be active but Stirling is at heart a gentle, gentle child- doesn't he count?

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MrsFrostgetful · 25/01/2006 11:22

thanks peachy... i am actively using my dictaphone again at home...'capturing' THOSE moments when i can when leigh needs physical restraint.

my deep fear is that he is 9 now....and tom also AS is 12...tom is so strong that i imagine leigh at 12 with the strength tom has AND the ANGER etc he has now...let alone the possibility that like tom...as he approaches teen years it gets worse (as does with ALL kids...but definitely aware that tom's AS is getting worse )

I suppose i am dreading the next 2 years...as additionally leigh is emotionally as a 4/5yr old...but with the agression of an older child...reating as a 2 year old....being provoked by his brothers....

and here we are in our 'own home' ...with 2 cars....in a 'nice' area.....and so far social services have said that we do not have 'significant' disabilities.....and that was after a 20 minute 'risk' assesment.

i know they have 'prorities'....but I have mental health probs...i have 2 with AS (1 also has ADHD)....and the 3rd i am sure is 'on the spectrum too'...yet... seems that 'until' it affects people OUTSIDE our 4 walls...that it doesn't matter what goes on WITHING THESE 4 WALLS....

Grrrr....I am SO bitter!!!!

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