few incidents at school in the last week..is this just what happens at reception age anyway?

[redhappy]

At the beginning of last week I noticed ds had a swollen lip. He didn't like me asking about it, but seem not to be bothered about it so I assumed he must ave fallen over or someting and left it there.

Then at the weekend I got a message from another parent saying she was so sorry her son had hit mine (we are friends) and was he ok. She assumed I knew about it, but the first I'd heard! Asked ds who wouldn't tell me anything again.

Today when I picked him up I noticed blood on his lip. Asked him about it, and he told me clearly the name of a child, and that this child lost 5 minutes golden time. Couldn't get any more out of him (speech delay) but I did find a note in his bag, just saying he had bumped his lip and nose at school. No mention that had been caused by anyone else.

It just seems a bit too much. He was very distressed on the way home, having meltdowns, tearful, then aggressive.

It's just making me wonder, is this what boys just do in reception? Or is it someting to worry about? I am going to speak to the teacher in the morning anyway but wanted to get a sense of how much fuss to make!

It does depend on the form etc.
Dd1's form I don't know any who hit at all.
Dd2's form there were about 3-4 who regularly hit, including one who was subsequently diagnosed with major behavioural problems.
Ds there are again 3-4 (including ds ).

However I would expect the note to say something along the lines of "Ds was kicked today on the nose by another child. The child has been reprimanded" (I quote from one of his notes ). They always say if it was caused by another child (but not name them) and mention that a sanction (but not what it was) was applied.

it can be what happens, yes. but as dewe said, usually school confirm if it was caused by another (unnamed child). i would think that if your son has a speech delay then you should just mention quietly to the teacher that it would be useful if you knew he had been hit/ kicked etc as he may be unable to tell you his self, and it's quite distressing for both of you if he is upset and you don't know why.

you don't need to go on a witch hunt, but you do need to make it clear that injuries which are caused by another person or an accident need to be notified to you, and the cause clarified so that you can help ds process it if necessary.

Thanks for your replies... No definitely wont be going on a witch hunt, they are very young, and it is a class of 30 so very overwhelming I think even for the children without SNs.

But I just don't want ds to become an easy target, and it doesn't feel right that I haven't been told about any incidents. Especially as he can't be relied upon to tell me himself.

Bullying is possibly my worst fear for him at school actually, so I am aware I could easily overreact.

I'd say there's a middle road between just accepting that it happens and insisting that it must never ever happens.

To me, the essential part is what do the school do about it, are the children trained to react if someone is hit, do they know what to do, do the staff have a procedure to follow? Both my children have been exposed to single incidents (both SN and not SN related) but never to sustained bullying- so clearly their schools got it right.

I'd go in and mention it very casually, explain that you are worried that your ds may not know what to do in a situation like this, ask what they generally tell children to do in such a case and ask if there might be some way it can be tweaked to adjust to your ds' needs (e.g. if he can't tell a member of staff, what else can be done?).

If they haven't actually got a working policy to handle bullying it should become apparent at this stage: they will either bluster and claim there is never any bullying at their school or throw their hands in the air and say nothing can be done. In that case you need to inform them very firmly that this is their job and they can't get out of it.

But it may equally be that they do come up with a useful idea.

Whenever discussing it with the teacher, I would make sure that you remind her/him that you do not need to know the child's name that did it, just if it was the same child as before, or a different child. It may be that because of Speech delay, that he may be seen as a soft target as he well may find it more difficult to go to a member of staff and complain.
Keep a note of any incidents as if there are repeated ones, you may spot a pattern before the teacher.
If it is the same child that keeps hurting your DS, the teacher needs reminding about their anti-bullying policy. You could request one from your school so you can see what they should be doing.
If it is a different group/person doing it, then you need to ask the school to make sure your DS is equipped with the skills to stop/prevent these events taking place. This could include tighter observation by staff at flashpoints - often playtime.

If it keeps happening it's inadequate supervision on the part of school staff.

So talk to the teacher and if it keeps happening talk to the head. zzzz is right.

I'm not shocked by the incidents particularly but I am shocked that you weren't told, especially as they can't rely on DS to tell you. He should have had an incident form for each time he's been injured, and at my son's school as well as this tey give them a first aid sticker - that way hopefully at least one of these will be noticed by the parent.

I would be speaking to the school asking why you hadn't been notified, and asking what measures will be put in place to safeguard your ds from further harm.

IMO (and as a parent of a child who was badly bullied) its not that bullying happens that upsets me (thats life) its how the teacher and school deal with it that is important.

His old school were dire.

His new school there is a zero tolerance policy.

I would mention it to the class teacher and make it clear your son was v distressed about it.

Good luck