Hi could use some advice and the quick response

[Hai1988]

Hi Everyone, I know this isn't a aibu, but I cud use the fast response this topic always gets

please bare with me as I try to explain my situation the best I can.

I have A DS who is 6.4 years old, Since about 3ish years old I would say this behaviour has been going on and before a thought oh well maybe this is just him being himself or its just general "child behaviour" so Did nothing about this but now its becoming all to obvious.

A few things I have noticed are he will
go on and on about a subject until it takes over the conservation and will repeat himself until he is heard.

Also he will act silly in a group to get attention,

play too roughly in the playground and hurt other children, (teacher has mentioned this)

cannot wait for his or her turn,
constantly interrupts others,
Has poor attention to detail and makes careless mistakes in school work, and have trouble finishing work (teacher has commented on this)

Does not appear to listen when spoken to directly,
is easily distracted,

Is forgetful like we will be talking about what happened at school and he says he has forgot what he did, or if he is told of he I will then after time out will ask why he was put on time out and he will not know,

Flit from one thing to another and not concentrate on any one thing for very long ( even as far back as nursery mentioned this)
He can sit at the computer or play his Nintendo for long times but that seems to be the only things that Will keep him quiet for more than a few minutes, he rarely watches a film from start to finish.

There all the things that came of the top of my head at the moment, don't want to make the post to long so will shut up now.

If you want to know any more details please feel free to ask.

Hope someone here could offer some advice maybe if your child is showing the same sort of things, any help would be greatly appreciated.

He sounds like a fairly normal six year-old to me. Impatience, attention-seeking, not listening, aggression and lack of concentration aren't all that unusual. You can train a child to be more patient and improve their concentration span and, if he can concentrate on computers or console games for long periods, it's clear that it's not beyond him. Teachers have to find a way to get the same engagement in the things they want rather than Nintendo wants.

What's his diet like? Sometimes 'behavioural problems' are rooted in a poor diet and some simple changes like a daily multivitamin or fewer sugary foods can make a difference.

There will be people who can offer more constructive advice than I can.

One cannot tell whether he has a diagnosable problem or whether he just needs some assistance but if you are worried speak firstly to his school/teacher to see what they suggest (you are obviously communicating with them already) and secondly if you remain concerned your GP.

An assessment could be very useful as they can give guidance on whether he has an issue to be diagnosed or whether activities can help develop his concentration etc.

Some of the things that you say do sound relatively normal (e.g. children often cannot remember why they are in time out) but perhaps all together he could do with some help, how much intervention he needs would be up to professionals I believe though.

Sounds like my DS (almost 10). He wouldnt interrupt really or take over conversations but would do most of the other things you mention.

Last June he was diagnosed as ADHD (inattentive type as he does not show any hyperactivity tendancies) so it is recognised as ADD too.

Have you had any conversations with his school??

I could have written your OP, except that he loves movies,they do capture his attention.
Ds is 4.
I have expressed concerns mainly cos he's exhausting, but i think its pretty normal.
Are the school concerned?

I would ask for this to be moved to the Special Needs section - that's not me saying that there is anything wrong with your DS or diagnosing him over the internet so don't panic. It's just that the posters on that part of the site have masses of experience about potential issues and what the best way forward is for you.

The first thing they will say though is
Keep a diary for a couple of weeks, write everything down that worries or concerns you or seems 'off'
Get a GP appointment to discuss
Ask for a referral to a developmental peadeatrician (who can diagnose or not diagnose as the case may be).

There may well be nothing wrong at all. It may also be that you are fobbed off by school and system. But the SN boards are the best place for support while you go through the process and many of the great posters there don't venture to AIBU.

HTH and that you understand I'm not saying there's anything wrong with DS, but thats definitely the best place to get the best advice.

His diet is fairly healthy I try to keep sweets to a minimum, never has fizzy drinks ect..
He seems to be getting extremely fussy lately tho, going off foods he used to love, such as sausages, pasta bake, pizza, he eats veg fine just hard to keep up with what he "likes or dislikes" as it changes every day, The theme at the moment is not liking crunchy things such as the top of a shepherds pie/ pasta bake and picking to make sure there's nothing crunchy hidden in his hot meals.

Also there is a point Is quite prominent point in the behaviour I forgot as was thinking of lots of things, Its what sort of brought this all to light.

His Teacher took me to one side after school 2 weeks ago to tell me that DS had been given a table on his own outside the main classroom (in the computer part) to do his work in. Now this has helped his work he actually finishes it now which is a very good thing as he is a very bright boy (not just a proud mother saying this) his reading is well above average, so much so he goes to a year 2 class to read, I obviously dont want his lack of consecration and behaviour to jepodise his school performance.

But surly the table on his own cant be a permanent thing and even the teacher has said this is only temporary, but surely when he goes back into the main classroom the noise and other children will distract him again if not more as he is used to being on his own now.

Has he had his hearing tested?

I was going to say sounds normal, but then realised I'd read it as 3yo. At 6.4yo it probably depends on how often he does a lot of the stuff. If the teacher's speaking to you, then I'd go to them and ask if they would put him in the category of "normal" behaviour or do they think there might be something else.

My ds has several of those characteristics, but he is nearly 2 years younger (in year R) and those he does have he seems to be growing out of (except the being silly one, and that he's not as bad as he was), but he has had comments of being immature, and has hearing issues too.

I did speak to my GP on the phone about these things I have mentioned, but he didnt seem to be at all very helpfull, he asked me to just keep and eye on him to see if anything gets worse!, Does that mean i have to wait for things to get worse before I get any help!

But then this is coming from the GP that took 6 years before he referred me to the hospital specialists for my psoriasis

I did at one point think of the hearing side of things but there is nothing wrong with the hearing as me and DH could be having a quiet chat about presents or a treat planned or something and he can here a mouse squeak when it comes to something he wants to listen to, but if I am just talking to him directly or ask him to do something he just seems to blank me, For instants he was on the computer the other evening and I asked him to come off the computer but not turn it off as I wanted to use it later, but he just went to turn it off and i must of said about 7 times don't turn it off, don't turn it off as i could see him doing it but nothing!

Have you had advice on how to helpbuild his attention span?

As well as noting in the diary about what he does put activities that you ut in place to stop the behaviour, or encourage better behaviour.

Even with a diagnosis (it that is appropriate) you will be asked to carry out a discipline/behaviour programme.

I have had no advice, apart from the GP who just told me to wait till it gets worse!

With discipline I'm at the end of my tether as said in my op I will put him on time out but he forgets why he is on there almost immediately and then the behaviour just continues.

ADHD is what comes to mind. Either that, or normal 6-year-old behaviour (hard to tell without seeing the child). Perhaps have him assessed?

ADHD was also my first thought as sounds very like my cousin but I would also say that it doesnt sound all that unusual for a 6yr old especially if you have just accepted this behaviour (you say you havent done anything about it) so if hes personality is to be loud and active and he hasnt been taught ways of dealing with things in an acceptable way then he may just be used to getting away with talking louder and louder until he is heard.

My 3yr old charge (nanny) has a really bad temper and very short fuse, its just the way he is but we have been teaching him ways of dealing with it, ie taking himself off to calm down when he is getting cross

also my 6yr old charge will talk at me until she gets a response it drives me mad and she is slowly learning that if she says my name and waits patiently then I will reply but if she goes on and on and on then I will simply ignore her.

the standard reply around here when they are asked what they did at pre-school/school is "cant remember", "what did you have for lunch" "cant remember", "where did you leave your bag" "cant remember" you get the idea

I am going to go back to my GP and see if I can get a referral to a pediatrion or something. Would you suggest I take DS or go alone for a chat

Would agree you should try to get him assessed, not saying anything is definitely 'wrong' just that all together it does sound like he is more work than my DS or most of his friends (all between 6 & 7).

Except for two of his friends, one who is being assessed (development quite behind in lots of ways) and another who sounds like your DS (seems bright but behaviour & attention span poor, parents hoping for recognition of possible ADHD).

Have you asked the school if they will refer?

Hope you can get some help or even reassurance that its nothing to worry about & he's just a 'boisterous' boy. Hard work though.

Thank you sparky, yes hard work indeed, will speak to his teacher this afternoon, Trouble is really have trouble putting things into words, what would you suggest I say how do I start this conversation ?

Hai1988....I would just say to the teacher " I have some concerns and would like your opinion".

I think my DS sort of went under the radar when he was younger because he didnt cause any trouble in school (except maybe at sport or games time). He could sit through all lessons but unfortunately just switch off.

His teacher will give you her feed back and it might make things more clear for you.

Agree with dotty approach, would ask to have a private chat & they will likely take you to classroom rather than speak to you in playground/hall.

Say you are worried about his behavioural issues & his attention span and does she/he think it would be possible to refer for assessment.

If they are a decent teacher, they will take your worries seriously, I think the fact that they have recognised that he does have attention problems (separate table) should mean they are not going to dismiss any concerns.

Good luck

Hi there,

Just a quick note to let you know that we've moved this one to 'Special Needs: Children' (as it wasn't really an AIBU, and - as WilsonFrickett says - the posters there may have useful advice).

Thanks,
MNHQ

Hi hai, i just wanted to ask. Does your Ds have an adult working with him when he is outside the main classroom? I am asking because if your Ds needs one to one adult support in order for him to do some work then that would make me think he should be assessed. I think you need to ask the teacher what level of support your Ds needs and then go to your gp.

You should also make an appointment with the SENCO at school and find out if they are planning to get him assessed.

Good luck and come back here if you have anymore questions.

I don't think he has someone with him, they just told me they have moved him away from the other children as he cannot seem to concentrate around them and there for disrupts the other children.

Did not manage to speak to his teacher today as she was in a meeting but will hopefully be speaking with her tomorrow at some point.

Would like to thank everyone for there input and advice today and will keep you posted on any progress