Housebound

[Bonkerz]

Just wondering if anyone else is like me. I have DS who has ASd and ODD and is 11. I also have three other children aged 10-8months. When I'm alone with them all and dh is working I don't go out. I'm terrified that if I take them anywhere and DS kicks off that I won't have control. I can't keep them all safe and whilst the 10 yr old could watch my 6 yr old and 8 month old I don't think it's fair to give her that responsibility.

I know that it is probably a 75% chance he won't kick off but I'm terrified of the prospect and so when dh is not here we are housebound.

Today is a classic example. Supposed to be DHs day off. Need to go shops for food and also DcS had a family party to go to later. DH has been called to work. I've had to cancel the party and now have no bread or milk or veg so will be pasta for lunch and god knows what for breakfast.

I have similar problems - ds1 is 7 and ASD ds2 is 5 and NT. dh works away quite a bit so I often end up staying in to avoid difficult situations that I won't be able to cope with on my own. I am thinking i might try to take both to the park this afternoon but not sure !

I hate that I am like this and I hate that the children miss out on things because of my fears but I would never forgive myself if anything happened. In the holidays I have to gather all friends and arrange days out but they know the score and are only too happy to help but weekends are horrid.

I have a granny coming to watch ds1 while while I take ds2 out to meet a friend. It's awful living in a shift system but not much choice.

Do you have a social worker input? Ask about Direct Payments. Aiming High for Disabled Children. Funds that would allow you to have some practical help in terms of a care assistant to look after your child while you take the others out.

Just a thought.

I was like you. My son' s 11. Asd and OCD. We became utterly reclusive. We now get direct payments and a key worker comes to "play" with him of encourage him (briefly) out of the house. It's made a difference to our lives.....especially in the holidays.

His school have requested ss reassess us. We currently get 5 hours a fortnight respite for 4 weeks per term. He attends a priory 25 place school and has 1:1 but even they have stopped taking him on outings unless he has 2:1 and sometimes even 3:1 as he is a danger to himself and others. They requested ss and told them they felt he was a child in need but ss wrote to me stating that at present thy could offer no more and haven't been out. We are also fighting for more funding for higher ratio at school.

We are a bit like you in that unless dp and I are both around it is difficult to manage. We tend to take the children out seaprately as they want / like different things. I would not be able to take them out together on my own so if dp isn't here we are stuck. I do get a carer twice a month for Staurday morning which makes a difference. Have you tried charities like Crossroads - they helped us by funding some respite hours for us without social care needing to give any money. I know how difficult it us though. Coping with just ordinary stuff like running out of something or dropping a child off at nursery becomes a massive challenge when one won't or can't leave the house. ds gets very stressed going out unless it is to a specific place he wants to go. There is no way I could take him to shop to buy bread or anything.

I was really struggling taking DS2 & DS3 out of the house. DS2 is 5yo with SNs, and DS3 is 2yo and NT. DH's work schedule changed recently, which meant I had to do the school run without assistance. That sounds simple, but DS2 has ADHD, is very impulsive, can't be let go as he runs, or goes into meltdown and refuses to walk. DS3 is in his "terrible twos" and hates being in the pushchair, but is not the most cooperative walker in the world.

Before we leave the house, DS2 has a wrist strap, and DS3 has reins. DS3 goes in the pushchair. If DS2 needs to go into the pushchair (it's maclaren major), then DS3 walks (with reins already on).

Of course, if they BOTH kick off.. I'll be the one sitting on side of the road, with two screaming boys, having a breakdown myself.