AIBU to wish that parents of NT children came over and looked at this board sometimes?

[cansu]

I know that I probably am being unreasonable but ... I sometimes go on the main education boards and am amazed at what other parents are concerned, annoyed and stressing about. I have just read a thread about someone who is upset that their daughter has been 'waitlisted' for an independent girls prep school'. I know it's all relative and everyone wants the best for their kids etc but just wish people would take a look over here so they put their own situation into perspective. But then again, maybe I would have been similarly oblivious if my own dc were not ASD? I also think that the lack of concern felt by many about the cuts to disability benefits are also part of this 'it's nothing to do with us' mentality.

Yabu to assume that parents of NT children don't read this section. I do, and I learn a lot. But as A couple of others have said, I don't have much to add.

You have also divided MN very cleanly into NT parents (who simply dont get it) and SN parents (who do). My children do seem to be NT, but the eldest daughter of one of my close friends has been diagnosed with SN over the past year and I have tried to be there for her during the most heart wrenching couple of years of her life. Am I an 'us' or a 'them'?

I like the fact you have to make the choice and opt into this section, if you have NT children ( and really, I think no one is really 'typical' we all have our little quirks, or maybe that's just me!) then hopefully you are interested in issues that affect people with SEN and be a supportive member on the board.
As a parent of Not NT DC's, I feel safe posting here, as there will be others who will understand and be sympathetic, I don't get that option in RL.

There are lots of posts on MN that should put people's trivial things into perspective, but that is one of the joys of MN, you get a chance to glimpse into somebody else's worries/whinges and sometime when having a bad day, you think, you lucky bugger if that's all you have to worry about and I then happily escape into their life, while seeking a break from mine.

Some people will never understand/ want to understand, issues connected to children with SEN, no matter how much information you provide them with. When my daughter was given her dx of Aspergers, her grandma (MIL) compared her to a man who had been left brain damaged, after he decided to ride (and then crashed) his motorbike while drunk and high on drugs. She then said she would pray for her!!

Silent boob, that was my point earlier - quite often 'sn' parents are also 'nt' parents. this a myth that you are either one or the other. Just some issues fit better on different boards. I widely encourage putting out wherever you feel the issue fits best.

And to suggest that nt parents don't get it is quite insulting, a you say. But some don't. And some do. I find it similar to the Julia holland debacle. There have been pretty scathing comments about her from both inside and outside the sn community - to say that anyone fits into a box is daft, we are all individuals. Shared experience can only go so far - I won't judge jh, she was obviously terrified and felt completely unable to cope. But to a lot of sn parents she is the very devil. That said, her reactions were a large part due to the way disability is hidden away and not discussed in this country. And we are kind of continuing that ignorance by shutting ourselves away in this rarefied atmosphere.

There is always a need for a safe space though. Ask the fwr board, where the safe space was more of a flashing neon sign advertising for stalkers across the Internet.

Someone on an economy board was advocating enforced institutionalisation for all elderly and disabled the other day as well, so carers could work more easily.

TBh they can stay on their side of the fence!

Oh and those who choose to come ehre are so very welcome indeed; it's lovely on them.

Equally it's nice to post ehre and not feel I can't mention the whole-family needs becuase people will freak and I am will end up comforting them!

I'm really encouraged to read that parents of NT children read this board sometimes. I don't see it as us and them at all! Maybe by putting AIBU at the beginning of my post made people think this! Of course many parents of SN children have children and friends and family without disabilities also. I simply find in my day to day life that many of my colleagues and family and friends have little understanding of SN and of disability and I have also become increasingly worried about the lack of empathy expressed in the debates surrounding welfare cuts. I really do think that even just lurking on this board for example could be a good thing for broadening and challenging our ideas. I will get off my soapbox now!

I think I completely forget about lurkers! I just feel that I'm chatting to a few friends and trying to be helpful to those who pop in for some information and TLC. Mind you, I don't really lurk anywhere, if I have an opinion, I post. Maybe I'm just a bit opinionated.

In response to the OP - I don't want people to come over here to "put their own situation into perspective". MN would be v quiet indeed if it weren't for relatively trivial problems being aired. I do welcome those with a genuine and compassionate interest in life with disabilities/lives of carers for people with disabilities as either lurkers or posters.

In terms of there being lurkers - it's the flipside of accessiblity to support and information. The opt in nature of the SN board seems, touch wood, to have been a good compromise.

I'm a lurker with only NT children. I absolutely understand the need for a separate space with a special opt-in, but I've always hoped that posters will view that not as an exclusion but as an opportunity to think twice and think hard before posting stuff that might be based on ignorance or lack of relevant experience.

I don't read many SN threads. I tend to read them when they focus on spectrum-type issues where I think there might be insights for my parenting, and I don't want to intrude even as a lurker on most of the support here. But I do value the huge diversity of subjects, lives, people on mn.

I come over here occasionally, to ask advice or just read. Ive a feeling that I will be taking part more often in future once ds has been assessed, and it was lurking on here that led me to suggest to the teacher that there may be a reason that things arent working, but I dont think anyone should have to curb their own moans because someone else has bigger ones.

someone freaking out about getting new curtains is just as valid as someone freaking out about needing a new door imo.

although, the way its phrased makes ALL the difference.

I'm an SLT

I have two NT kids

I read this forum because it helps me learn the perspective of parents I work with. It's hugely helpful and I have huge respect for you all. I've learnt lots.

I used to post advice but I stopped because I was often attacked for the failings of the NHS. I just posted a bit of advice tonight and thought, shit, I've done it again.

Hi, loonpants. (How old are you? My sister used to wear loons.) I'd say we generally welcome the professionals who take the time to post advice on here, rather like the teachers who post on Primary ed etc. Sorry you had some negative responses. I've seen a few exchanges between SLTs who disagreed with each other!

a lady never gives away her age....

I'm 39

Much too young for loons, then!

My dc are still very young but seem to be NT. But I lurk here sometimes though I've nothing to add.
It's an insight into other lives, as mentioned upthread that NT was the preferred terminology, at least now I know - a little education is no load to carry.

I don't understand what you mean by 'opt in'. I click on the list of forums from the main 'Talk' page, where they're all in categories, and this one is listed just like all the others, and I've never had to do anything different to read it than I do to have to read any of the others - which I do from time to time (not as a SN parent, or even a parent at all, but as a teacher who is interested in all children).

'I used to post advice but I stopped because I was often attacked for the failings of the NHS.'

It happens sometimes, I've ducked out of stuff when pitchforks come out for the teachers too, here occasionally and often on the mainboards. Please don't let it stop you offering advice, you know that the attacks are often fuelled by despair and fear for their own children rather than generic hatred.
Sometimes the system, whichever one, just stinks.

A social worker manager in our children's disability team is a lurker on here - she told me she was. Anyone who takes the time to try and understand our world - while being sensitive enough not to put their penni'worth in - is a Good Thing in my book.

I think though that it is the relative 'safety' of this forum that makes it a good place for SN parents to post, especially when we just need to vent without someone pointing out that we are too expensive, or demanding!

I only have one nt child (only have one child full stop actually) but I lurk here - I teach EDI, welfare and related subjects and I really value the insight.
I don't tend to post here as I don't feel I have anything really helpful to offer in most cases but I am a friendly ear, if that makes sense .

I do love the way that we can celebrate the small victories and advancements on here without uninformed eyes criticising or wondering what the big deal was.
I mean. if I said that DS went to college wearing dark green trousers yesterday, because his blue ones were all in the wash, who else but you lot would realise how amazing it was that he simply didn't refuse to leave the house? Or wear the wet blue ones?

I manage to worry about "SN issues" and "NT issues" concerning the same child even, and it's not always the SN issues that are the only ones worth worrying about. Life is complex.