Please help - is this just "quirky" behaviour or should I be looking for more advice?

[soppymoo]

Hello everyone, I'm a newbie so please be gentle... and apols in advance for long post.

I'm starting to worry about my daughter (nearly 4) and could really use some advice on whether her behaviour sounds like SPD and/or other SN.

Today she was in tears for third time this week when I picked her up from nursery school (I should probably mention that we are in France), and the teacher looked really fed up with her - she is crying lots at the mo, but based on conversations so far, the teacher seems to think it is a stage she is going through and that the best way to address it is to be firm with her until she gets over it.

Half the time I have nagging feeling it may be more, half the time I think I'm just being over-anxious... Here's a bit more about her behaviour:

• Has issues with clothing which seem to be getting worse. Complains about trousers/jeans not being straight or falling down, sock seams not being right, tights/knickers falling down; if anything has slightest hole in it, it has to come off. If wearing a cardigan/coat always has to have every single button done up. The type of clothing varies, but this has been an issue since she was very small. Otherwise she's not remotely fussy about colours etc i.e. I don't think it's an independence thing.

• Gets upset and asks me to change her clothes / dry with a hairdryer if she gets the slightest drop of water on them

• Constantly demanding 'Do my hair' - this one comes and goes

• Has never liked messy play - freaks out if gets paint, glitter or felt tip on her fingers (one of the issues at school). Not really interested in crayoning, either, prefers instead to get all the different colours out and put them all in a line (she does this with other stuff too, e.g. if eating, takes a bit of each type of food to create a food 'family' on side of plate), if using playdough, prefers to get a bit of each colour and put to one side as opposed to getting really stuck in

• In the last week or so, has started freaking out about food getting stuck in her teeth

• When smaller, afraid of sand on beach or walking barefoot on grass. Haven't had opportunity to test the former recently! - but latter didn't seem to be an issue last summer.

• Hand flaps and shivers a bit when excited

• Frightened of hand dryers in public loos. Used to hate hairdryer at home too but has got over this.

• Has always been pretty sensitive - when a baby, used to be very clingy/fearful for at least an hour in a new environment, cries when her little brother gets told off

• Has always seemed to prefer adults/older children and never really done much interacting with her peers - but does sometimes play with her younger brother (2)

I should add, she's pretty bright I think, has always been very articulate with big vocab, teaching herself to read at the mo, and has always been fascinated by numbers, can count to high numbers in English and French and do simple sums. Another slightly weird thing she used to do was call herself by a number instead of her name, i.e. used to introduce herself as 'Three' (!)

Am I just going a bit mad, or do you think I need to seek some professional advice? We're due back in the UK in a few months, so would probably wait till then. Or should I just wait until she starts Reception in Sept and see what they think?

Thank you for listening...

I'd be looking to see someone along the lines of a developmental paediatrician if such a person exists in France. You may want to film her playing at home, this can be helpful to the paed. I would keep a diary and write down all your concerns no matter how trivial they may seem.

Your DD certainly has a lot of anxiety and sensory issues and is hand flapping when excited. At least then you would have some medical evidence to show the UK people on your return to this country. You need a diagnosis but this can all take time to receive.

You've read about SPD, have you also about ASD as well?.

It sounds like her additional needs at nursery are sadly not being met.

With regards to this comment:-
"her teacher seems to think it is a stage she is going through and that the best way to address it is to be firm with her until she gets over it".
I don't think myself that this is a stage she's going through and I think you're trying your very best with your DD. This is not due to parenting.

Would not delay unduly now as you already have long standing concerns re her behaviours.

Reception staff may not pick up any issues but that can happen because they are not trained enough to do so. You need some proper help far sooner than at that time.

I agree with attila about the diary, I always seem to recommend this but it was the one thing above anything else that got us taken seriously by the proffs.

Make sure you record any quirks/issue what caused them and how you dealt with it.

If you show that you are parenting her consistantly then it will become more obvious if she does have SN's.

Good luck and hope you can find a developmental paediatrician in France.

Thanks both, really helpful advice. The diary is a great idea, will help me get a better handle on her behaviour too - I sometimes wonder if it's just me, especially as I'm on my own with kids most of the time as hubby works away, but you're right that it has been bothering me for a little while.

Tonight's jobs then are to read up on ASD and find French translation for developmental paed!

Thank you so much.

I think it's hard to get a diagnosis of SPD. My DS has definite sensory issues, but the paed acknowledged they were there, but that was that. We were told to adapt. No dx, nothing.... However, we were referred to OT for both his fine motor AND sensory problems, but the OT for his sensory issues was common sense stuff that we try to do anyway and school can't implement (like sit in a quiet area - there aren't such places in his school.

I would second keeping a record of these issues. I think you do need to see a paediatrician as some of the traits sound familiar to me. My dd is also very funny about lots of the clothing issues you describe and the sensitivity to grass and sand etc. It may well be a good idea to wait until you are back in UK. My partner is French and often criticises the French system of dealing / diagnosing some special needs.