How tough should I be with ds with asd

[googlenut]

Am in a dilemma here. Ds is 7 with asd and is coping well in mainstream with support. Last term he joined boy scouts and rock climbing and seemed to enjoy them, even begging me to take him to the scout Christmas party when it was inconvenient to me.
Christmas break over and now he won't go to any of them. I've got tough with him because I've heard so many stories of children with asd withdrawing from the world. All he can tell me is scouts do babyish things and that he can't be bothered with rock climbing.
We have tried to get him to go for three weeks now and we have got him inside the venues but he refuses to take part.
What do you all think? Should I get tough or am I handling this wrong?

Why does he think it's babyish? Is that an excuse? Has there been some bullying going on? Rock climbing and scouts sound absolutely great, but some incident might have upset him. Can you have a word with the leader? Or is it that someone at school has rubbished the scouts?

I would offer him a reward, eg okay ds if you go to scouts for the next three weeks, I will take you to a toy shop where you can choose a toy up to the value of £10. (that might not be the right reward) Hopefully he will get back into the swing of it....

If DS1 (9) was saying that it would be because one of his 'friends' aka aquaintances from school, would have said something along the lines of scouts are for babies. He would take it to heart and believe it. I would have to talk it through with him (lots and repetitively) that not everybody enjoys the same things and lots of people really enjoy scouts (that's why there are lots of them!).
If he had never joined in DS would just be scared of the unknown and I would keep taking him until he joined in. He does fencing and wanted to learn to do sabre as well as foil. His decision completely, but when it came to the change and actually picking up the new weapon he freaked out, and it took about 3 weeks of lots of help from his coach before he even started to enjoy it.

I have no advice; just understanding as my DS will also express great interest then bow out over mildest or no reason. I have been tough about some things...e.g. we've paid for the lessons and this is what you do. But on others I have caved (not advocating that approach though)

It's so difficult to know whether to keep pushing. He says no one has called it babyish but has just said they play games like in reception and year 1 (he's in yr 2). I suppose the change of term could mean they are playing diff games. The leaders in scouts and rock climbing are being amazing with him, so would like to persevere with it. And he seemed to be genuinely enjoying it before Christmas ( and if am honest I was bowled over by him joining in, so I do have some issues going on here too ).
Have tried an incentive but it didn't work but might give it another go with something else.
Is Amber still around? Would love her insight on this about whether to push forward or not.

My ds is almost 12 now and I can honestly say he has joined nearly every activity going and has stuck at none of them,apart from swimming lessons when younger. He has mild Asd/ Aspergers but nothing holds his interest apart from his own " special interests ". To be honest,I havent forced the issue and allowed him to drop them-dont know if that was right or not but it would have caused him a lot of anxiety if I had insisted he go, so that is how I judged it.It is a pity though.

I'm a pusher . If I wasn't ds wouldn't do anything and he wouldn't have the enjoyment out of life that he has now.

Take karate - he's been doing it since he was seven (he's now 13) and every single time he misses a training session for holiday or whatever he is reluctant to go back in case he's missed anything. I've had to virtually shoe-horn him back into the hall each time, with promises of rewards and what have you - and each time he's come out beaming because he's enjoyed it so much.

I use that too, remind him how much he enjoys it once he gets there and how he'd miss out on that fun if he just sat and watched tv instead.

Next month he's taking his 1st Dan grading. He wouldn't be if I hadn't pushed and cajoled. He's bursting with pride at being a senior club member .

I think you have to weigh up the pros and cons and decide whether your child would be missing out if they opted to quit an activity, or if they genuinely don't want to do it for their own valid reasons. Only we as parents can know that, but even then it's such a grey area. I have pulled ds out of some things that I knew instinctively were wrong for him, but yes, I definitely push him to those I think he's gaining from, whether he realises it at the time or not.

BTW, totally agree with oodles suggestion of mild bribery to encourage him to keep trying. Have done the same on many occasions, always successfully!