Present for child with Autism

[Greenshadow]

First, I'm not a SN parent, but have good friends with an autistic DS, so hope you don't mind me taking advantage of your expertise. I also apologise in advance if my naivety/generalisation offends anyone.

My DS (and I) loves the BBC Horrible Histories and knowing DF's child loves funny programs, though he would also love this and bought him 2 of the DVDs for Christmas.

I have since re watched a couple of episodes myself and it suddenly occurred to me that they are rather violent (Viking raiders killing monks etc). Most children can hopefully see this as it was intended - i.e. using nasty bits of historical fact to make a funny program, but what if DF's son thinks it makes it OK to go round bashing people over the head with an axe?
I know I'm probably being very ignorant, but I can't help thinking that DF may be hating me for giving her DS these DVDs.

I intend to call her soon anyway, but am interested in other parent's views first.
So would your Autistic DC appreciate the humour in Horrible Histories?

How old is the child with autism? What is his level of communication?

He is 16 and can communicate reasonably well - would say very roughly the level of a 7/8 year old.

Dd who's 8 with autism loves horrible histories Ds who's 16 would be offended if you bought them for him because he would be aware that they are for young children and he is 16.
In your position I'd probably have offered a giftcard or if a dvd one that's more age appropriate or one that would appeal to all ages like a popular recent film or Top Gear perhaps.
Sorry though if it's not what you'd want to hear.

Should add ds has autism too and probably around the same levels in some ways.

I don't think the age thing is an issue - he certainly wouldn't be offended. He loves silly slapstick sorts of thing.

It's more just the appropriateness of something containing violence I'm concerned about.

Do you think not? You may think the same about ds he's 16, has some skills the level of a pre schooler even but he is well aware that he is 16 and Horrible Histories are for small children. Not only that I would be offended that you didn't choose something that reflected the fact he was a young man and not a child. Sixteen is a landmark birthday, I'm well aware that my ds won't be learning to drive next year, won't be off out with his mates unaccompanied, won't be experiencing first love and all the other things that come at sixteen. Having it hammered home by a dvd meant for children half his age is hurtful. I'd imagine mock battles is the least of df's concerns about the dvd tbh.

Incidentally would you think it appropriate if df bought your child a teletubby dvd? Same thing at the end of the day.

If I where you I would give the mum a call and in a round about way ask if he likes it. DC with autism are all so different it is hard for anyone to give advice really. My DS thinks everything on the TV is fake, even the news.

Thanks insanity. I know what you mean, and wouldn't have bought him other children's DVDs. Horrible Histories is a bit different though as it appeals to teenagers and adults too (you should see some of the fan groups on Facebook and elsewhere!).
Do hope he won't be offended but I will talk to his mum about the age issue as well as my other concerns.

Oh I know I love watching it with dd but ds wouldn't think like that and I would be hurt probably more than ds. It's gut wrenching accepting your child isn't the same as others' and it probably makes me hypersensitive. The thing about dvd's though there are plenty of dvd's that would fit the humour and the slapstick element that would be more in keeping with a sixteen year old. Harry Hill's TV burp, the new Three Stooges film for example.

I think it depends on the child really. DS1 has no concept of age appropriateness (he's 12). He still likes Teletubbies & other kids shows (he's never moved on from CBeebies tbh). I wouldn't worry about the head bashing etc. I know some teenage autistic kids who would find that hilarious - but they wouldn't copy it.

I would ring her and ask her - it's so individual.

And quite a few of my friends with slightly older kids do ask for kids toys for them for xmas/birthdays because that's what they're interested in.

If I'm buying for a child with autism I always ask the parents because it's so variable. Might be something completely random. For example if people ask me I say not to get him any toys/gifts as he won't open anything anyway - he still doesn't really get the concept of presents- and he really doesn't want anything. He'd love a pack of haribo (favourite present last xmas and birthday) or money towards surf lessons. But I'd never expect anyone to guess that!

I am the opposite, insanity, I would love if people gave my DD things appropriate to her level (12-18 months ) instead of her age as every birthday she gets tons of age appropriate things she has no interest in.

But I agree it's best to ask parents as children with autism are so different

It might be me then (I find birthdays difficult anyway) or it might be that sixteen is a landmark birthday and it hit home more then. I have bought ds presents that are age inappropriate (he loved teletubbies at 9) but I would find it hard when he was sixteen not to feel hurt if others did the same.It's a big thing for him too he's well aware of what is age appropriate.Have to say at 16 most people gave vouchers that he loved spending online on whatever he fancied age appropriate or not.

Thank you Saintly and Fanjo.
I do think the level rather than actual age appropriateness does apply in my friends DS's case. He is aware of his age, but not necessarily what that means in terms of things he likes to do/should be doing.

I wonder whether that might change a bit now though as he recently left his special school and transferred to a mainstream sixth form college (albeit a special needs course) where he'll encounter more NT young people.

We do often give vouchers - just thought he might like a present to open this time, but perhaps I'll go back to the voucher option next time to be on the safe side.

insanity, I do understand, I will probably be the same when DD is 16 and I do get down when she has milestones (like starting school)

Greenshadow, if you are good friends I am sure his mum won't be offended whatever you give, it's the thought that counts...

I don't think the mum would be too offended because you have clearly put thought into it and you obviously care about getting the lad something he will enjoy. In these situations I think the best thing to do is just ask what he's into in exactly the same way you might any other child.