Hi And Help

[DinersH]

Hi
I have just joined mums net and found this discussion board. I have 2 children my eldest henry who is 7 and Elizabeth who is 9 months.
When henry was 2yrs the professionals noticed that henry had a speech delay and ever since there is a list of things on which is delayed motor skills big and minor etc. And just now he has discovered how to thump and im getting so much reports from school on how he is thumping one particular girl all the time and also last night the girls mither phoned me to complain about henrys behaviour. Im sorry i know noone knows me but i just feel like poo about it and there is nothing i can do. The proffessionals keep trying to diagnose him but no joy there and i just need more help from them but it would be nice to be able to air my stresses on here.
Thanks for listening and sorry again
Di

HI
I just wnted to say(before you get loads of good advice!) are you sure the girl isn't winding him up

I know she does. He spent all last year being beat up by her and she use to steal from him. But now he is finally retaliating he is being portrayed as a bad boy and he has started on me and my partner screaming kicking thumping etc when we say no. I know its generally nothing to worry about but he use to be such a complacent child and suddenly its like he is possessed.

Hi DinersH... are the school aware of this??
and how are they dealing with it?
are they supporting him in school?

The school knew all about it as i use to complain all the time but never seemed to do anything it as it just kept happening. What kind of support do you mean? They are dealing with it by taking him away from the situation and taking him to the heads office also they have contacted the school nurse who is supposed to be contacting his paediatritician but im still waiting to hear about an appointment. I know she will only refer him to a behavioural nurse and in the mean time every day i have to dread going to pick him up in case he has done something else. His school is a main stream school with a learning difficulties unit within so when this is happeneing the lunch time assisstants are in charge of them but i dont think they know what to do or that there are enough of them to keep him and this girl apart.

Hi DinersH

Forget the school nurse - contact your own GP instead to arrange an appointment for your son to see a developmental paediatrician. Would also suggest you get the GP to note his distress. If your son is still under the care of such a person (i.e the dev. pead) make contact yourself with them.

Put your complaints to school in writing and ask to see a copy of your son's school record. They cannot refuse you this or put conditions on it (i.e you must attend school to read it). They may well charge you for photocopying (10p per sheet) and you need to give them 15 working days to comply.

The school could possibly be seen as acting in breach of care if they know this is happening and are not prepared or able to do anything about it.
School just removing your son away from the situation will not help in the longer term.

Does school have an anti bullying policy?. Ask to see it and perhaps an appointment with the Headtecher may also be helpful to you.

Is this girl in the same class as your son?.

On a wider level presumably your son is getting no extra support of any sort (school action, school action plus) in school.

thanks for the advice i have been into the school regarding it all but they dont seem to have done anything or have any solutions for me. What is school action?? What will be on his school report? do they put behavioural diffculties on there? Who is the best person to call henrys paediatritician or the doctor? I dont feel i can complain as its now my son being the bully
thanks for your help

Don't see it as complaining but YOU will have to take action as they are not going to. Meerkats knows what she is talking about, definitely take her advice. Next thing you know, you'll be A Mother From Hell like the rest of us. And come back here if you need more support.

Is your son on the school's special needs list? There are a number of stages - School Action means that they are aware he has difficulties either accessing the curriculum or with behaviour. If he is at this stage, he should have an Individual Education Plan (IEP) detailing how the school will be supporting his learning/behaviour, how progress will be measured, what will be done to support him, and when the targets will be reviewed. If they involve outside agencies like the Educational Psychologist, Speech and Language Therapy etc. the stage is called School Action Plus. There is an IEP at this stage too.

Are the school aware of his difficulties and your involvement with various professionals?

The school should definitely have a bullying policy (sometimes helps to look at the behaviour policy too). Ask to see it, ask to meet with his class teacher and head teacher. Be pro-active about working with the school but keep at it until you are happy with the results.