Just feeling so fed up with everything

[Blossomhill]

I am feeling so bad at the moment.
Dd seems to be getting worse and I find it so hard to get through to her at all right now.
she has started to lash out at me and tbh I actually feel scared when she does it. I just feel totally out of control with dd and the whole of my life if I am being completely honest.
Any discipline I try with dd just doesn't work at all and she just won't co-operate.
I also feel bad as haven't done any of the things I should be doing (sensory/daily timetable/bibic stuff) as dd just won't co-operate and then I am left with a huge guilty complex as I know that all of these things will make such a difference. I just want to be a mum, not a therapist!!!! Also worry about ds as I know he does suffer the backlash of it all.
I really do feel dd is getting worse in some ways. She is just such hard work and I hate to say it but sometimes I even dread her coming home as I don't know what to expect.
Also feel anxious as more or less come to the conclusion that we are going to try some kind of medication as her hyperactivity/impulsivity remains a huge problem and I kind of think she has enough to deal with, with the communication side of things. However it is not something I am completely comfortable with. On the other hand she may kill herself with her impulsivity (tried to run in the road again today) and I honestly feel left untreated will get worse.
I feel like a shit mother quite honestly. I hope this doesn't sound self pitying it just feels nice knowing I can sound off to people that do really understand. xxxxxx

Hi, it doesnt sound self pitying, just realistic. Life must be so hard for you. do you have help from CAMHS or social services-respite or outreach help from the dissability team. my friend is a sw in the dissability team and they do out reach a few times a week where they go and take the child out for a few hours-you really sound like you need a break. How old is dd?

Hi BH - sorry didn't see this yesterday.

I don't really have any advice but just to say I'm sure we can all relate to 'just wanting to be mum'.

It sounds to me that you need a bit more help with strategies. If you are finding it hard to implement the bibic stuff because she won't co-operate then I guess you need to look at different ways to approach things and I think you probably need help with that - I know I would. I'm not sure who that help would come from. Is there anyone at her school or a SALT who could come up with any suggestions? Or could you phone BIBIC and explain?

Don't beat yourself up about the medication. Of course you are not completely comfortable with it. Its a tough decision to make. But remember that you are making decisions that you think are going to be best for her. That's all we can do.

I am sure davros will have some wise words to share next week - make sure you come .

Thanks dizzy and hitc

dizzy - we are going to camhs very soon (13 week wait) so hopefully they may be able to help. Have had a SS assessment and get dp's for dd but they are mainly used for before and after school to help with getting ds to a different school. I love dd so much but sometimes I really don't like the behaviour and it's hard to seperate the 2 at times

HITC - I don't know what's wrong with me tbh. I go through "phases" of being fine and then completely flip out. Again not having a firm diagnosis is unsettling me, god knows why but it is. I think you are right in that I need to speak to someone. May try the SALT at school. I am far too ashamed to ring Bibic as I should be doing things and I am not
I will definitely be there Tuesday. Looking forward to seeing you all xxx

Sorry it's tough atm. Don't be embarassed about phoning BIBIC - they will I am sure have lots of experience of parents finding it difficult to get kids to cooperate re:the programs.

I could do with a massive shake tbh

Hi Blossomhill...
just wanted to say Hi and sorry your having a rough time of it at the moment...
BIBIC should be able to give you some tips on getting daughter to cooperate

Does you local CAMHs offer any parenting courses? Just wondered if it would help you feel more confident when dealing with DD.

I start mine next month

I don't blame you at all for feeling like this. HITC is right, you need help to do these things. When I've been given "work" and "exercises" to do I'm always tempted to ask "did you train to do this, are you qualified?" etc...... yes, of course they are...... "so why do you think I should be able to do it without training and support?" Not that I'd be so rude really as they are always doing their best. Its just not always realistic at home, plus it all takes practice which is hard to get. If I were you, I would get someone else in to do, say the timetables. Even if you spend your own money on someone spending a couple of hours helping you rather than just doing it themselves it would be easier. Do you think there's anyone at school, LSA or whatever, who might be willing to come round for a couple of hours and sort out timetables and all the donkey work that goes with it, WITH you? I do think you should phone BIBIC but I can understand why you are reluctant.
I am the biggest fraud going. Over several years I learnt a LOT and can give lots of info and strategies etc and I'm now quite good at following it all through (although crap with the PECs/timetable stuff). But I had a whole team of people here working with DS when he was young and with someone else running the program side. I learnt a lot because I had no choice, it rubbed off in the end! But I didn't set out to DO the work with DS myself.
I don't know if any of this helps. But if you can't do something yourself or you need help or just a bit of a shove, then try to get someone else to do it for you, at least at first.

BTW, I hope you do come on Tues, it would be great to see you.

Davros - thanks I will definitely be there Tuesday and we can have a "proper" chat then. xx