I have just sent off my enquiry to the local Special School. Tell me I'm doing the right thing.

[nenevomito]

I'm in the process of getting DS a statement at the moment.

School are saying that he's finding it harder and harder to cope. He's utterly miserable. His anxiety levels are through the roof and I've already had to go in twice since Christmas for being attacked by other children.

School admit they've not had anyone with these problems before so they're learning and while they're supportive, I don't want them to be learning with my child.

So. I've just sent off an enquiry to the local special school which could make life easier for him.

Please tell me all the reasons why I'm doing the right things because I've been howling since I sent the request for an appointment off.

If you haven't been for a visit go, it will make you feel a lot better and if it doesn't then keep looking for another school.

It is tough but IMHO you are doing the right thing for your son.

If you look you will see whether it is the right place for your son.

After 4 miserable terms in mainstream ds1 has had so far, 6 very happy years in an SLD school. Many special schools are lovely places.

And it's far easier emotionally for you as well as your son if the other children are like him.

HI babyheave

((((((((((((((((((((((babyheave)))))))))))))))))))))))

Please don't cry babyheave. As if you've not had enough bother this week (re your mother who to my mind needs a kick up the behind!!).

(Was his chew necklace thing found?).

Do visit this special school, or any other mainstream schools with an attached ASD unit (if there is one) in the area you reside in. Nothing wrong with making enquiries.

How far are you along the application process re his statement app?.

I asked on your other thread what school was doing to support your DS and it does not seem that they know what they are doing:(. Gah to this school, where is the SENCO here in all this and why is he being managed so poorly?. They cannot leave him like this; where is their duty of care?. I do not buy their argument btw they have not had someone like your DS before now either; sometimes schools just do not want to work with children with additional needs. In the meantime his needs there do not get met with deleterious effects on both him and your home life.

You are doing the very best you can for your DS. You after all are his best and only advocate here and you are NOT failing him.

You are doing the right thing because your DS deserves the best.

The other school might not be what he needs, but you can't tell until you've been.

{{{hugs}}} and a for you babyheave

Accepting that what is perfectly suitable for 99.5% of children who attend school (only 2% of children have statements, and of those, only 22% got to special school) is not suitable for your child, is a really hard thing.

Realising that your child is part of a 'club' that you didn't sign up to, didn't ask for the the information, didn't imagine being in.

Be kind to yourself. Let yourself grieve for the normality you hoped you could achieve. Then be prepared for the roller-coaster of emotion, when you realise that it could be fantastic.

It's an appointment/enquiry. You haven't signed up to anything yet.

And there is no reason why your child wouldn't be able to achieve as much as he is capable because it is a SS. In fact it is likely the opposite is true. Nor are you signing him up to SS fforever. Some children go back into mainstream but with good transition and training from SS to ensure it is successful.

Also it is worth turning you perception around. It isn't that your child is not capable of mainstream, but that the way that ms is currently arranged isn't capable of teaching him.

Thanks all, I know its the right thing. The clincher for me was seeing that they had on site SALT and OT and EdPsych as well as CAMHS, all of the things that I'm finding it almost impossible to access through normal routes. (Still got 4 months to go on my 10 month waiting list for the psychologist.)

The SENCO has only been in the job since sept and has no previous experience. She's trying to help, but doesn't have the knoweldge and understanding that the last one did.

They did find his necklace, but now want to restrict when he can have it, so he only has it if he gets upset. My argument was that if its stopping him getting upset in the first place, then isn't that better? argh :(

All of that doesn't help right now. It just feels like just when I've got my head around one thing another thing comes up that I have to deal with and learn to accept. I need to do whats right for him and not what I would like him to be doing if he was NT.

It isn't that your child is not capable of mainstream, but that the way that ms is currently arranged isn't capable of teaching him.

Yes, very true.

Do go and take a look. I have recently done the rounds of all the secondary SN schools, half of them I would not send my child to the others looked great. Need to see it to get a feel of what it is like. The teachers in special schools have such a different approach and I have found them to be supportive, adaptable, amenable to my suggestions (Re: things like chewy tubes) and most importantly they start with my son and figure out how to best teach him what he needs to learn (Including independence, social skills etc etc) and are a lot more tolerant of 'bad' behaviour. I have never regretted for a second my decision to send to SN school. Jump that initial hurdle and the rest can be much easier and more beneficial than you can imagine.

I have also done the rounds of a number of special schools and there are some that I felt were nothing more than a babysitting service, but a 'few' others that I felt I would put my NT DD in for the level of expertise in TEACHING of the teachers plus the extra-curricular activies. Course they wouldn't accept her.

But I suppose my point is that special can sometimes simply mean better.

I felt the same.3-4 years down the line I still sometimes wonder if I did the right thing sending him to SS without trying mainstream...then I see how he is when surrounded by lots of 'mainstream' kids (cubs) and see how adults lack the skills to communicate with him to get the best out of him and know it was and is the right place.

Be kind to yourself.At your visit ask loads of questions and have a really good look around. If possible go and see more than one school. I saw 3 and two wouldn't have suited,the third one did

Go and see the place. Meet the SENCO.

My son is in his final year st mainstream primary. It's been an excellent, supportive environment. The secondary school he would have attended (50 yards from out front door!) is not suitable for him. He has asd with OCD. He's bright, communicative and I hope, will settle and do well at another mainstream secondary WITH AUSTISM RESOURCE UNIT attached. He would never survive the local, excellent academy school net to us and he would be very unhappy there.

The place he's going to (he has a statement and this school is named on it) has a lovely feeling to it. I met the SENCO several times, I trooped my entire family around the p,ace, she must have been sick on me "touring". I chatted with some of the students who were like my son. Instead of sticking out like a sore thumb and always being on the periphery of school life, I hope, he will feel compatible with his peers and still mix within the mainstream high school.

I feel for you, I do. But I feel you're attempting to the best and right thing for your son. By the time his present school know what to do with him, it may be time to leave. His anxiety surely means he's not happy and not coping.

Sending you a hug and

I'd also recommend seeing several schools. I saw 3 in total.

The third one was just so "him" and he's excited about the prospect of going to this school.

I agree with Starlight.

dd1's (SN) school has become the benchmark by which I measure dd2's (ms) school - for the dedication of the staff, the expertise of the teachers, and the quality and level of teaching.

SN school is not the end of the road - it is the beginning of your ds being able to settle and be happy (if the school is the right place for him).

I would second going to see several - keep an eye out for children who are 'like' your ds - it makes it easier to decide whether he would settle well there.

My DS's SS that only took DC up to the end of reception, was so lovely, had so much going on, that no MS school had a chance to compete. Fantastic staff with fantastic ratios, swimming lessons, true Forest School, (think all in one suits covered in mud from head to foot!) RDA sessions, painting which often involved whole body prints, showers for those toilet training, on site SALT, OT, sensory integration therapist, music therapist. Then he had to leave and go to a 'high achieving' MS primary. It was hell, really hard to leave, but he was just too old. Go and see it, and others. See how you feel your DS might fit in.

Also, the level of care in the Special School DD1 goes to is just outstanding. There is no other word for it.

Yesterday, the head teacher phoned me to explain why I should expect a bruise to form on DD1's toe (she'd been a little monkey and sat on the toilet floor, when a teacher opened the door and it caught her toe). Because DD1 had assured her teachers that she couldn't possibly walk, the Head Teacher had been called to assess. So the HT and DD1 were doing disco dancing, kangaroo hopping and floor crawling after lunch

Several times I have phoned in to say DD1 won't be in, and the HT has answered the phone. She's been able to say confidently...oh yes, I'm not surprised, DD1 was doing x yesterday and just didn't seem herself. That woman has eyes everywhere.

Today, DD1 had a drop attack, then in her confusion stumbled as she got up, hitting her head on the fridge in the kitchen. The staff assessed her, then got the HT to check her over too.

They are just so thorough.

Thanks everyone for replying

I'm feeling a lot better about it now and DH is very much in favour of checking it out too. Its all moot at the point until we get a statement sorted anyway, but its good to check the options.

I think the upset is simply because the having to accept things just seems never ending. Having to accept there was a problem. Having to accept it is life long, having to accept that he has MH problems on top of everything else and now having to accept that maybe mainstream just isn't the best place for him.

I am sure all of you know yourselves how none of this stuff was in the grand plans when I decided to have a family.

yep.

.

I am sure I missed this conversation with the midwife.

"What are you hoping for, a girl or a boy".

"I don't mind so long as they collect sticks and eats furniture"

..."Awww thats lovely."