So what do I do about the other DD?

[AtYourCervix]

The NT one, rather than the one with AS.

she's 2 years older than DD2 and she is right. it is always about DD2. life does revolve around her, constantly trying to avoid yet another fight.

How am I supposed to support and encourage DD1 who is doing GCSEs and say that school is important, and she must work hard, and keep going while at the same time say to DD2 that actually, it doesn;t matter.

How am I supposed to give rewards and congratulate DD1 for doing brilliantly while hiding it away from DD2 who will go off on one as she'll take that as a criticism of her for not doing so well.

So i am then left refereeing yet another fight as DD1 winds up DD2 to get a reaction because she is feeling hard done by. And then DD1 is left thinking I am on DD2s side and DD2 is all stroppy and needs 3 hours of skirting around and calming down. again.

ARGH!

God, its a nightmare isn't it AYC,

My Dd2 has real issues with Dd3[ASD], she can't stand routines and rules and she especially can't stand being told she is wrong by a sibling half her age.

I step in to stop things escalating and because of the age gap and the ASD it always seems to Dd2 like I am sticking up for Dd3.

Dd2 quite often hurts Dd3 and then I get cross but Dd3 has probably wound her up in the first place.

I have no advice I am sorry but I do know how it feels if that is any help.

i then feel like a complete cow telling off DD1 who is generally lovely, good, sweet, hardworking and nice. particularly when i completely understand why she is having a go at DD2, because DD2 is a bloody nightmare to live with.

ayc - have you said that to dd1 - if not i bet she would really appreciate it

yes. just did. she told me to fuck off so i told her to grow up and have a bit of empathy.

she does know about AS and what DD2 is like. It's when she is feeling all teenagerish and hard-done by and it really gets on my nerves that she goes out of her way to be vile to DD2.

particularly when DD2 is in a are good mood and then DD1 goes and ruins it.

I think the empathy thing is the point AYC because at 15/16 I believe they have very little of it.

Dd2 is as NT as they come but just at the moment she has zero empathy for anyone, even her friends and she has always been very caring towards them.

I think it is an age thing and I am sure she will grow back into it[fingers crossed]. I often wonder if it is partly to do with the pressure of exams and deciding what to do next.

She told me the other day that I should look for a new job because I don't earn enough. I was really upset but I think it is all part of it.

I talked to Dd2 about maybe finding someone outside the family who she could talk to especially about Dd3's ASD because no matter how hard I try to explain it just sounds like I am favouring Dd3.

She flatly refused to see anyone, even a teacher from school. She just said " You can send me but I won't talk to them". So I though what is the point, why waste my time.

It doesn't help wih her being soo stubborn because I really think it would help her to talk to some who is not emotionally involved.

Ho hum, tomorrow is another battle ground, am off to bed.