Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Working mums of SN children... How do you do it?

34 replies

LunarRose · 19/01/2012 13:00

Just that really, how do you make work "work" for you in terms of time (both on a day to day basis and time off for appointments) and money-wise.

I'm asking because I Ds has ASD, very very limited childcare options (do I have any??) and anything I look at I'm not sure I could afford to do anyway (loss of benefits).

The time I have off with DS has been hugely beneficial to him but I feel a lot of my skills are going to waste. How do you work out where the balance lies???

OP posts:

saintlyjimjams · 19/01/2012 13:48

Run my own business from home. Impossible otherwise tbh - he's 12, severely autistic, very limited after school and holiday care so I need to be in total control of my time.

coff33pot · 19/01/2012 14:09

Same here although I run a shop instead and about to start one from home too.

I found it was too stressful with employers. Was ok in the beginning when DS was small and my other two are NT but as soon as time off was needed it was frowned upon then I was forced to PT (they put it to me and put me under psychological pressure that I was letting the side down so to speak) In the end I gave up.

Now I we can work it out between DH myself and my eldest DD. Hard work and a lot of hours and it still goes tits up. But at least I can lock the door and come home when my kids need me :)

If I was on my own then I would definately work from home. I do accounts and book keeping and there is good money in that if you go on a few courses and you dont mind working by night if you have the kiddies by day LOL x

AtYourCervix · 19/01/2012 14:13

Shift work. I am lucky enough to be able to be mostly flexible with shifts, DH also works silly hours so is around all afternoons and evenings so we swap. Also have mother round the corner which was invaluable when the DDs were lttle.

I am in awe of people who manage alone or without family close by.

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 19/01/2012 15:20

1:1 TA for a child with autism. Couldn't do it unless it fitted in with school hours, but now I'm a single parent I may have to review the financial benefits or otherwise. TBH, it keeps me sane, going to work, so I hope I can carry on.

Original poster

LunarRose · 19/01/2012 16:06

Thank you for the posts. Am a (bright and intelligent single mum and it does seem to be part of the problem. have been fiddling with the benefits calculator and any way I look at it I seem to be worse off....

The accounts isn't a bad idea (I like maths, alot)

OP posts:

c0rnsilllk · 19/01/2012 16:30

work p/t in a quite flexible job...still not easy though

signandsmile · 19/01/2012 17:02

i work (4) partime jobs from home, but only a few hours for each, and as I'm teaching (and doing other stuff) for the Open UNiversity it is lots of on line work marking etc. fits around caring for ds and dh, I have local mum and good friend round the corner, who can do the school run occasionally, also have hop skip and jump opened in the town (which is fab for hols).

It's juggling but at the moment all the balls are in the air..... (for now! )

feynman · 19/01/2012 17:10

I work school hours, but have a fabulous child minder who collects him for me on the days I work. She has a daughter with asd so has no probs with my son. I think I would stuggle without her.

coff33pot · 19/01/2012 17:15

Lunar I am self taught through past jobs in accounts and just being plain nosey in what everyone else was doing But there are some goo book keeping courses out there and accountancy courses.

Majority run Sage I think but I use one called Quickbooks for my business which I had already used in a past job. It doesnt matter if you dont like maths to be honest it does it all for you and its all inputing from you. Even calculates VAT for you as it goes so its great. Would cost you between £200 to £300 to buy but you put as many clients as you want on it.

Book keeping side can involve inputing invoices, paying people, checking their statements and doing a final overview for the actual accountant. AND it is easy. You dont get involved in the tax relief side of things for the tax man an accountant does that at end of year. There is a help section on the package and you can pay a small amount each month for support but to be honest if you ever did want to know anything you could always pm me :) Down here and it is a low wage area book keepers charge about £100 to £150 per week. Just advertise and 2 or 3 is well enough to keep you going.

Perhaps there is some back to work scheme that can help you on a course? or maybe a grant to get an accounts package? I dont know the ins and outs of benefits anymore on that score as so much is and has changed!

alison222 · 19/01/2012 17:26

I work 3 days in school hours (DS has AS) and juggle my working days if I have appointments to go to. As it is a small local co they are very flexible with me as long as the work gets done( although that cuts both ways!!!)
In holidays I have found a couple of places that can cope with DS but am worried what will happen next year when he is 12 and too old for these. I cram my hours into 2 days a week in the school hols - or try to work extra hours before hand and take a week off if it is possible. - I am an accountant BTW

c0rnsilllk · 19/01/2012 17:27

yes a good childminder is a must...we had a brilliant childminder when ds1 was at primary school. We rang the area co-ordinator and asked for a recommendation. Don't just go with anyone though...if they say 'The kids always do what I say' trust your instincts and make a swift exit. < voice of bitter experience>

MABS · 19/01/2012 17:41

own business here too

Eloise73 · 19/01/2012 19:13

I worked 4 days a week when DD was younger, we had what I thought was a good childminder until DD came home one day with an unexplained burn :(

Needless to say she wasn't going to go to any other childminder again. My work were really flexible so now I work 3 days a week, 1 day in the office (DH is home on that day) and the other 2 days spread out over 4 mornings from home. I couldn't do it any other way, too many appointments and therapy sessions and running around. I am lucky in that I have a job which is all on the computer and I can just log on from home.

But its still stressful - its harder to switch on and off when you work from home than it is when you're physically going into work. It can be draining but i'm still grateful to be able to do it as the money has paid for lots of help for our DD.

used2bthin · 19/01/2012 19:23

I do three short ish days. It means dd goes to breakfast club two of the days though and I am extremely lucky and my parents collect her from school and take her to mine till I get in. They also have her in the holidays and sometimes have done when she has been off sick but recovered enough to not need me (or hospital!)

I feel torn a lot of the time though as I worry that my parents should be enjoying retirement and she is hard work. She has been to holiday club at my work when my parents have been away but it is always hard as they then have to get a one to one worker and I feel it is a lot to ask since she doesnt attend the school its attached to.

Also have loads of time off for appointments but my employer has been great and I just take it as carers leave rather than making up the time.

Due to have DC two in a few months and not sure whether I will return to work as I think my pay wouldnt cover childcare and wouldnt ask my parents to have two on such a regular basis as it would mean whole days not just pick ups and holidays.

Am considering nanny or childminding work or weekend work but it is hard.

BigCC · 19/01/2012 19:28

I work from home too - my little girl has Down's Syndrome and is not very old, but it helps tremendously that I don't answer to anyone for my time and can participate in all her therapy. I do consulting work and can take on more or less as I choose. I didn't plan it this way, but lost my job shortly after she was born - it turned out to be the proverbial blessing in disguise as it forced me to find a way of working that was sustainable in the longer term. I do like the idea of a family business that she could work in later in life though and would hope to move on to something like that if I could.

used2bthin · 19/01/2012 19:29

Meant to say that although I have found working stressful (had four years on carers allowance before going back to work in 2010.) now that I am facing possibly giving it up again for a while I feel torn and am seeing the positives (own money,time focussing on something other than dd, conversation etc etc) Can't win!

BigCC · 19/01/2012 19:36

It is very hard - if I didn't have a brilliant lady who looks after my DD when I'm working, I'm not sure I could do it. But I also bear in mind that I may need to support her for a longer time than with an NT child, and I need a way of doing that.

pinkorkid · 19/01/2012 20:10

I work part time and behind the scenes in a school, sympathetic employers who let me vary my hours to fit in appointments. Even with all that it is tricky.

Original poster

LunarRose · 19/01/2012 20:47

Thanks for all the replies people. Feeling a bit down today... wanted to know what how other people do it. I need a think!!

OP posts:

IvantaOuiOui · 19/01/2012 22:39

I am a childminder - my son is fine with a few children coming here but he wouldn't cope going to childcare himself. I only take a few kids and he is ok with them (he has Aspergers). At the moment I''m caring for a little boy who may also have AS and he's responding very well to being with my son, they share interests and I use a lot of my SN resources on them both to talk about feelings etc. I found it very hard to work until I did this as we don't have family near by. I don't make a fortune, but I do get to take and pick up my kids from school.

unpa1dcar3r · 20/01/2012 07:16

It's not easy!
I am a lone parent with two strapping lads (one nearly 6') with severe learning difficulties (Fragile X Syndrome/Autism) and am doing my PGCE part time. No way could I have even thought about FT.
I tend to do my college work, lesson plans etc late at night as the rest of the week is taken up with teaching and college plus the usual daily stuff and then meetings galore with the boys etc...

It is do-able, just. But can be very trying.
Luckily my boys get free school transport and i have only just secured a support worker helping me for half hour in the mornings school time which has made a massive difference....

Talking of which, she'll be here any minute!

JustHecate · 20/01/2012 07:21

Self employed.

No WAY could me or my husband be employed. We need the flexibility of being able to drop everything and go to the schools, of rearranging everything because an appt has come through, time for reviews etc etc etc

I very much doubt an employer would be happy with you grabbing your bag and legging it out of work (again) because your son has put a hole through one of his socks and you have to take him another pair because until he gets that sock, nobody's able to do a thing with him

Or taking yet another day off because the paed wants to see them again.

If there's an employer out there who would be happy with that - long term - I'll eat my hat.

Original poster

LunarRose · 20/01/2012 12:21

unpa - funny you should mention the PGCE, that's really what I'm just mourning not being able to do. Got through the PGCE last year (started when DS was very young and problems weren't so pronounced) - but really can find any options to do anything with it.

OP posts:

alison222 · 20/01/2012 16:46

I forgot to say when I originally posted that when the DC's were a bit younger I was a childminder. I have since stopped as DS started to have issues with all the babies once he got older ( now 11 has AS) and for my sanity in dealing with it all I gave up. He is happier now but DD misses all the extra company. when they were both younger though it worked very well for me. I only worked term time so got quite a bit of time off with them during the holidays once they started school too.

MrsDollyLevi · 20/01/2012 17:04

I was a nursing sister. 22 years "on the job" so to speak

I gave up work because the shifts and workload were incompatible with my sons' asd/OCD. I found myself with very little to give at the end of a working week and nursing is NOT flexible.....you still need to be on a ward for 07.15 and do weekends etc. Childcare for a child with special needs was shocking so for the last 6 yrs of my career, I'd work nights. I was a single mum and it nearly killed me! I had no family close by and so, I chose to go on benefits.

I am now remarried. I still don't work because I'm in the fortunate position of not having to. We can manage on one salary. I am very lucky and I know how desperate it can be trying to "do it all".

Flip

1 2