Tricky situation, ds, new baby and sex.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

I have my anomaly scan next week. Was thinking if refusing on account that we'd do nothing, and an all clear has no guarantees.

However ds (ASD) is unable to grasp that the baby might be a boy. He is convinced it is a girl like his sister and I am concerned about his reaction and our time following the birth if it isn't. So we have booked the scan.

Just read letter which states they don't tell the sex so don't ask.

Wwyd? Course there is a private option but we are struggling hugely with ABA, independent nursery fees, childcare whilst we look at schools etc.

My letter said this when I was pregnant with dd2 but they still told me.
Perhaps ring and explain and they may make allowances

My Dh says that we should see this as a learning opportunity and put effort In to teaching ds how to cope with an unknown major life upheaval and unpredictability of it, and that I'm just making a big deal of things because of my learned disdain for NHS policies and their right to withold information.

He doesn't say much my Dh, but when he does I often want to punch him. Usually because he has a point.

Justa, I'm not ignoring you btw. I see your posts but know your are not currently 'there' and I'm having difficult adjusting to your posts occurring a weird times . Missing you.

They will tell you regardless of the letter if it's possible to see. No need to stress out now or write etc. Take your son dx in writing on the day of your ultrasound just in case they don't cooperate.

And same as justa, I wondered it's too early to be thinking of sex after the baby due in June and how would that relate to tour DS :)

They may be able to bend the rules if you explained. They weren't allowed to give out sex when I was pregnant with dd2. When they discovered her missing hand on the scan I asked if we were allowed to know the sex and they did without a second thought.

I hadn't wanted to know before I found out about her hand, but it felt very important afterwards, and I was ready to try and argue about it, but didn't need to.

This kind of policy really does annoy me because it is not uniform across the country so how can it be about concerns of abortion due to 'wrong sex'?
And what gives any healthcare worker the right to with-hold information about you from you? Doesn't Andrew Lansley bang on about 'no decision about me, without me?'
Anyway, rant over.
I'd write to the head of department, explain what is going on with your DS and how knowing the sex will make accepting the new baby easier. If that doesn't work try booking your scan with another hospital or consider going private.
It isn't always possible to wing it and hope you can see gender yourself on the scan because the baby might simply be lying in the wrong position, in which case you'd have to explain why you were jiggling around trying to get he/she to move!
Once you know you can decide whether/how you tell DS.
How would DS cope with going to the scan with you or is that a really stupid q? (no experience of real life ASD)