Dyspraxia, Dyslexia, SLCD diagnosed age 11 - feeling v guilty

[nothinginthefridge]

First time post, so I hope I have done this right.

I only wish I had come across this site a long time ago, I have read lots of your posts, so thank you all for taking the time to put your experiences on.

OK here goes. Right up until yr6 DS2 was average in his class, according to the teachers at his primary school. A very astute teacher is yr6 picked up he was not following the lessons properly. Then had first IEP followed by Speech & Language Assessment, a private assessment at a specialist Dyspraxia, Discalculia (spelling appalling sorry) and Dyslexic centre and a concerned Ed Psych. DS2 read to us, but was very reluctant, he was classed as gifted and talented at PE in primary school, even being picked by the secondary school to do extra PE with them. Yr6 SATs were all level 4b and 4c's. No behavioural issues, other than those usual to a boy his age.

How can I have got to my son going to high school before I realise that anything is wrong? Why did it take a teacher to point out to me what he couldn't do? The thing is now, it's like someone has switched the light on and I can see it so clearly now. I feel so guilty. Did anyone else get a late diagnosis? You all seem so switched on to your children, but all the things you are describing are just like my son, so why didn't I notice?

Hi nothingin, don't be hard on yourself - without really obvious signs its hard to pick up - even school didn't pick it up!

My DD is just about to have her first review and also in Yr6 so we haven't even got the diagnosis and only because things are getting worse is anyone taking notice, yet our DS was diagnosed with ASD over a year ago and only in Yr3 now. Not everything is obvious at an early age - I really understand what you mean by feeling guilty as I feel the same, yet I know we shouldn't.
x

Thanks Cinnamon. I was beginning to think I was imagining that things were getting worse, but I am sure that they are now, especially as you are saying your DD is also getting worse. His behaviour is deteriorating in that he is so boisterous we can barely contain him. he has no sense of danger at all, it's almost like he is on a 'high' and is bouncing off the walls.

I didn't notice my DS had ASD till he was 9!

Don't be hard on yourself. School didn't notice anything either.

Luckily 11 is not too late to help him. You've still got loads of time to decide what you want to do to help him - and action it.

Good luck. This is just the beginning of your SEN journey.

Hi nothing, I thinkthat sometimes children'w difficulties become more obvious as they get older and start to fall behind or get stressed over things.

It is easy to think that things are due to lack of maturity and that they wil out grow quirky behaviours.

Often schools do not notice the small things but when all the small things are added together they become a big issue.

I am glad your DS's issues have been picked up now and with the right support he will be able to move forward.

Good luck and be kind to yourself.

Please don't feel guilty. If anyone needs to shoulder any guilt, it should be the school for not noticing earlier and sending out the alarm bells to you.
I should imagine because your DS is roughly where he should be academically, and without any behavioural issues at school, they didn't notice anything - or chose not to flag up any issues.
My DS behaves impeccably at school and has a dx. The school, although working on his sensory diet, have said that they don't recognise the child in the dx as the same boy in their school. So who knows if I hadn't of let them know, if they would have flagged anything up either.
If your child is happy and healthy and chugging along - doing well in sports - as a parent, you're not medically or educationally trained to notice these things.
You're on the case now, so good luck to you and as well.

nothinginthefridge

AS has been mentioned by others parents are not trained to assess and diagnose these types of issues, and a further problem is that an Ed Psych is not trained or qualified to assess and diagnose the underlying cognitive causes of the dyslexic symptom. There are three possible cognitive sub types of developmental dyslexia: auditory, visual and attentional. Which means that an auditory processing disorder, a visual processing disorder, an attention disorder, or any combination of the three can cause the dyslexic symptom. So you still need to identify the underlying causes of the dyslexia.

you might also like to look at
Dyscalculia
Dyspraxia - Developmental Coordination Disorder
and CiteULike Group "Speech and Language Pathology" library

My DS was diagnosed with ASD last May at the age of 11, like you I have been through every range of emotion possible and still feel guilty that he didnt have a dx sooner.

What a number of professionals have said (without blowing my own trumpet) is that he escaped diagnosis for so long was because our level of parenting had been exceptional and we had learnt to cope with his needs without really realising he had any iykwim?

Like your DS my son was a model student and doing well in all areas and had no behavour issues (sometimes I wish he did as he would have been helped earlier) It was only where the differences in him and his peers became apparrent and he was'nt developing emotionally age appropriately that a teacher suggested he might have aspergers and we started the ball rolling looking back both myself and school didnt see the signs.

Hugs x

I echo auntevil's comments.

My son was given a dyspraxia/visual processing diagnosis at 11 after I woke up to his difficulties - and I felt guilty too, but you just have to get on with it and not beat yourself up too much. My DS's school certainly didn't, and they missed it too.

What I would say is - don't get too hung up on the diagnosis/labels. Focus on what your DS can do, what he enjoys, what he needs to help him function well in the classroom and elsewhere. I felt a lot changed for me after my DS got his diagnosis, but actually he was just the same and to suddenly start fussing and interfering treating him very differently than before was doing him an injustice. I had to wake up to the fact that he hadn't changed, but my understanding of him had.

I had to learn to be specific with school about his needs - spell it out for them - rather than say, "he has trouble copying from the board", tell them he needs to be provided with a handout.

Because I felt I'd messed up by not spotting his difficulties early, I tried to get him everything that was going overcompensate which just served to irritate him and emphasise his difficulties, rather than his abilities.

And as DS became a teenager I had to be mindful that he didn't want to be seen as different. Its a fine balance between getting your DC the support and resources they need, and humiliating them in front of their mates .

Thanks everyone. We have taken the decision now to move him to a school with a specialist S&L resource provision where I am hoping that I can leave school to get on with it, rather than constantly being on at the one he is in now. Even just the basics at his present school have been a battle, so I am hoping I can leave a lot of that behind now. Maybe that's naive of me, but here's hoping!

One of my pupils has just been diagnosed. They are in the sixth form. It's not uncommon. Kids learn strategies that they use then the work gets just beyond the limit of what they can attain using their inate skills to cover up those that are not embedded.

DS2 is 11 and I'm just beginning to wonder if his spelling is down to something else rather than just being young and having had some disruption down to medical needs. He just can't seem to retain spellings unlike numbers which he seems to 'get'. His reading is OK but not brilliant. Just don't know. It's easier when like DS1 their needs are so apparant.