Battle number two :(

[coff33pot]

I have to send of to the council the form to register DS at his next school like all mums by 31st Jan.

And so DS has just got his statement. HT away so cant talk yet about the statement and the forward planning to intergrate him to full time. In 6 months its the school hols and DS goes to juniors.....

And so I phone the Junior school to have a chat with the HT (who is also ofstead) Thinking ahead, wanting to make sure they will be ok with DS and how their SEN dept side run.

I got a call back with "does he have a statement" yes "what hours are his provision" 25 I reply "band?" does that matter? "yes" so I says B "B what" I dont remember right now. "Its for challenging behaviour then" I reply there is more to it than that and his challenging behaviour is hiding, crying and wanting to be invisible, he is under proffs and all but the final one agree he has AS/ASD he has sensory issues which are the major problem and OT has started to put things in place.

"AH she says "why dont you look around, there are other schools (one miles away and I mean miles) with a unit attached, there is...and realed off another ms school" take DS get the feel. :( They dont want him.

They havent even seen him, dont know what he is capable of, dont know how loving and helpful he can be and what a good repor he has with his TA.

I hate this woman already.

"excuse was she would need to have a meeting with governors and decide. She will need to discuss with infant HT his needs and the needs of others coming over as they have quite a few coming with SEN. She doesnt have a huge pot of money unlike the infants who are an academy (infants funded all 25 hours of their own bat and only just become an academy!) He would need wrap around care and so they would have to fund another 7.5 hours and the school has to decide if it would affect the other children they have to cater for"

"said I cant just pick a school because its convenient "

Its not because its convenient. This is my home, my other two kids have gone to this school. My 10 year old goes there but she is NT. I cannot travel miles to take DS to another school for one I cant afford it and for another that would mean leaving my 10 year old to get herself ready for school??? What about socialising it wont happen, what about friends hes just made one that I dont want him to lose. He has walked past this building all his school life and thinks he is going there like his sister and that they are kind.

I want to thump someone or something right now.

{{coff33pot}}
I'm with you on the making friends etc. The Infants for DS was amazing and helped me with my application for the Statements and liaised with the Junior School for transfer etc. They are linked so we didn't have to apply for it just confirm we agreed with it.
Its now that I'm finalising the statement that I worry if I push too hard for changes within the statement that DS will be told to go elsewhere. We are in a small village so we'd have the same issues - DD would have to get ready alone, DS would lose all his friends and we know nothing about these other schools or what future they hold.
Its an emotional overload and I sympathise - I offer the biggest hugs and hope you bash through this HT.

Well the LA position will be that any mainstream school can meet need with the 25 hours support in the statement, if they couldn't then the statement would not be for mainstream. So the HT cannot refuse. The LA will not want to fund transport if you have a school on your doorstep.

However Justa had this quote on her blog the other day from a ASD charity worker and it really struck a chord with me: "If they are even slightly half-hearted about taking your son, if they even refer to lack of resources, walk away. It doesn't matter how highly the school is rated, how convenient it is, it doesn't matter the fact that they are obliged to take him. Just walk away. I have worked with hundreds of families, and I have known so many families who pushed their way in, and it never, ever works".

So you are in an impossible position as if you name a school miles away the LA will say you should have named this one and it can meet needs and refuse to help with transport. And if you choose this school you will know your DS is not wanted and perhaps have horrific battles ahead before perhaps you give up and leave with your child in a worst state then when they arrived.

I want to thump the HT for you.

I only know two schools like this who turned things around. One refused to believe a child had SN but blamed the parents and punished him repeatedly before he had a nervous breakdown at 10 and was dx with aspergers and CAMHS told the HT the child could not return to his school as he could not withstand any further damage the school may cause him. That school is now the most inclusive school in the area, but it took a near tragedy to change. The other school, which is still not brilliant (the SENCO did a similar number on me about looking at the Montessori nursery instead after DS had been on the nursery waiting list for a year), a group of parents set up a SN parent coffee group which runs weekly in school and by sheer force of numbers are gradually forcing the school to improve their attitude to SN on the basis you can fob off one parent, but ten is more difficult.

So sorry Coff33. If it's any comfort, I sent my DS2 to the same primary school as his older brother, despite the HT's obvious reluctance. (We have no experience, we are a high achieving school, blah blah blah) I found it really hard to know what the right decision should be, there was a school with a communication and interaction unit across town, but DS1 (who also struggles socially) was really settled and it would have been impossible to have them at different schools, he's only 2 years older. I had a network of parents who knew me through my DS1 so I gave it a go. And, actually, it worked for DS2. He made a friend, the other parents were, (with one notable exception, another story) supportive. I found it depended a lot on the individual class teachers, the SENCo and the TA, who was lovely. The effing HT will never be my favourite person, though.

Do look around the school, and the other schools, talk to the SENCos. Try to make a decision based on good information and list all the pros and cons. Your DD is also a part of your family and her needs are also important, but possibly not so important as your DSs, but you have to decide coolly if you can. 'Harry' may be quite an important consideration, also.

I guess, if the school's attitude proves awful, he could go there till the 10y old is ready for high school. And then move to somewhere better, very possibly with the active assistance of the nasty head.

He wouldn't get a place in the 'unit' by attending the attached school anyway, it would need to be fought for like everything else. Being on-site might even reduce his chances of a unit place ('staff dealing with x to have easy access to expert professional support and advice')

Name the school you want. The HT will have to put her objections in writing. You can then use this to get a better placement perhaps at some point, maybe with transport. You can change your mind about placement with your reasons being HT reluctance.

Thanks for replys all. I went out and took it all out on an unsuspecting bush which is now about ohhhhh 10 inches high.

The school itself has just been awarded as outstanding by ofsted. However I have today been shown what is behind the scenes and it is a disapointment. I think I have now worked out why DD is so stressed on meeting school targets and worried about getting things wrong. Obviously the bright ones are important whilst others are not so and now I also feel bad for DD that I hadnt worked this out earlier. She is NT but is more stressed with sats this year than ever. She is 2 years ahead but its blood sweat and tears for her to stay there, but at least she is on move sept to senior school.

She went on and on about how important a dx is, and not to worry about it its not a bad thing etc etc Told her I know this and have no qualms whatsoever. Said she had 35yrs teaching experience and reeled off the differences in AS children etc She went on and in the end I told her straight there is NOTHING she can tell me that I dont know apart from why if you know all this knowledge and have told me how to handle AS children that she cant meet my sons needs.

Her answer was "well we would have to employ someone for a start" So I said well you have 6 months to do that from now dont you to put things in place for him. Then she said he wont be able to come to school till I have someone. So I replied that is ok I will contact the LA to fund a home tutor till you do. I was polite and patient.

DD gives up so much and I am so proud of her as a lot she has had to fend for herself on. There is no way I would leave her on her own in the mornings for a start! Plus I have one car and DH uses that at 5.30am to do deliveries so he is not home by the time we go school.

I am just so angry. We all fight to get the flaming statement dotted in the right places to ensure help for our childrens future. The school havent even got to go through all that. I have yelled and begged OTs to finally get him seen and they are now bending over backwards to help him and all they have to do is provide that 1 to 1 care and listen to what the therapists tell them, not much really :(

He is part time not yet intergrated, going to go to juniors where disipline is harder and learning is harder and class structure and demands are harder. I dont know about him being scared I am scared for him myself:(

The HT sounds horrid by most LA's and the system in general, does pitch schools against parents. They put up with the children they have but they'll be blowed if they are going to take on a SN child knowingly with a statement that puts strain on their resources when they have had no say in this. Can't blame her really. SN children and their parents are trouble and resource intensive.

So much for inclusive attitude, there seems to be nothing in place policy wise to protect us from this. It has it's good points on paper but at grass roots level inclusion often doesn't work. You have my sympathies, it may sound a bit glibb now but I firmly believe that this time next year you will find yourself in a better place. Have you thought about keeping your ds where he is for another year and buying yourself some time to have a good look round, this is what a friend of mine did, in the same position, where she picked up a bad attitude late in the day. I don't know how easy it will be to do this for you though.

I dont know why I am surprised. There was a paper article in our area paper about a mum who was refused a place for her son at that school recently. He had SN. Their reason was "it would impact on our other children if we took him"

They suggested another school (same one they mentioned to me) and after all the naming of it they had no room at all and LA said he will go to first school. She is still waiting while LA and this school are fighting....I should have known better.

I do have this thought on my mind that DS isnt ready for juniors. I am half tempted to ask that he stay on and repeat a year to at least get him back full time and give him a chance to breathe and test the statement and get the social/OT skills in motion and give him a chance to catch up. The gap of difference between his class mates wont be so wide either.

I dont know what to do for the best really and wether this is me wrapping him up in cotton wool or being a coward in not wanting to fight it out and have a rest.

blatant disability discrimination, it's disgusting, and I hope the LEA give this HT grief over their attitude. Problem with backyearing him is you would need to get it agreed that he wouldnt just skip last year of juniors to go to high school at right chronological age.

sorry supermum as I cross posted with your staying back a year :)

I have no idea how to go about him staying so I will have to read up and learn the ins and outs of it all. If he loses year at the end it would probably still be the same issue in the long run I think as he wont be prepared. Also maybe he will have improved by then with everything in place that the other school may take him if his social learning has helped him and lunchtimes say then they wont have to fund the extra 7.5 hours. Also do you have to get the infants to agree too? For him to stay on I mean.

If you kept ds back a year, would that take your dd through to the end of year 6? And if you needed to prove that ds wasn't making progress, would this count as proof?

DD would be leaving for senior school in Sept just as DS would start. The walk to her school is through nothing but lanes and its a long one and she in my book is still to young to do it alone. She walks to Juniors fine but that is 5/10 minutes away on main road with crossings.

The school they are talking about is a 36 mile round trip in rush hour and even if I gave her a mobile I could hardly get to her rescue quick enough. I just dont like the idea at all. That and I dont have another car.

Phoned the LA and had a chat. Was told to put the school down as that is our designated school. When they get my form the school will be notified that DS is due to start in sept. The school have 15 days to have meetings with governers if they wish but they have to have a REALLY good reason for not being able to meet his needs and funding isnt one of them. She was really nice about it and said that they have so much in place going to them along with OT/SALT that it isnt good enough for them to just say no we wont have him.

I told the LA about them suggesting a different school and she herself told me that if I put another one down then I would be responsible for transport as it would be parental choice and told me to put this school down and see what happens.

Even if it goes wrong and he has the other school with transport provided there is no way I would get DS to go without me anyhow and so I would still have to leave DD so it just cant happen.