Wow back to work supporting SN families, hope I do ok!

[lisad123]

I left my old job about 18 months ago. They never took me off as they wanted me back so had a 0 hour contract.
I went back last year working with teenage parents, because the lady that replaced me couldnt hack it, and the girls didnt like her and made it clear
I had a call from work on Monday to say that the lady i used to work with has fallen ill, she was due to start a parenting programme for parents of children with SN. Im trained in the same proggrame, and would i please cover it!!
I have agreed, its 10 weeks worth of work which is great. But oh my Im nervous.
If you have ever been on a course, what was it that you found most helpful?

Listening to parents - by definition the standard "123 Magic" stuff doesn't work or our child would have special needs & we wouldn't be on a parenting course. Face to face conversations give you what no amount of googling or book readng can. The opportunity to share notes with other parents/ the real life experiences of one of the course leaders was incredible.

The worst part of being an sen Mum is that horrible sense of isolation you get sometimes. If your course breaks down that barrier you'll have achieved more than you know in giving at least one of the Mums on the course the strength to go on, I bet.

Some of my strategies sound "bizarre" to outsiders but they work - giving me the confidence to carry on being "bizarre" was the best thing the parenting course I did, did for me. An outreach worker who was willing to understand "bizarre" helped me come up with some follow on emotional skills training for DS that he really needed and is working.

Well done - I'm sure you will be great in this role. The most useful aspect of these courses for me was the reassurance of meeting other parents who are dealing with the same problems as you. It will make a big difference to the parents on your course that you have walked in their shoes.

Its not 123 magic, i hate that course!
Its the family links nurturing programme. Its alot more focused on ensuring parentings are looking after themselfs, and helping each family find something that works for them.
Theres plently of breaks, tea and nice biscuits. I will be leading it but my supporting partner also has a child with SN.

Is it open to any SN parent?

For me, I only found it helpful if courses/trainings were specifically designed to include (not necessarily designed for) children like DS, i.e., with severe learning disabilities. So much general SN stuff didn't apply, and made me feel more isolated and misunderstood than if I'd been in an MN group.

Well facilitated discussion: always vital that everyone feels they are being listened to, and noone monopolises the group, or is left to be silent, (just as oppressive, sometimes). Rather than leave it up to chance, you can use techniques where people have to listen in respectful, non-judgemental silence to another parent. Done in pairs, it is less intimidating than in a group.

Make sure people know why they are there, what you are going to do at each session and what you hope they will achieve...and also what they can teach each other as they are in many ways the experts

Oh Bakelite, its sad you feel misunderstood here too :(

Its set up for parents who's children are attending the schools nurture group, so normally S&L difficulties, LD, and ASD. They are all the same age (which helps me alot).
We have rules about not allowing someone to talk too much, we do small pair and large group work and everyone is given their time to feedback and listen. We also get parents to fill out a evaluation form, every week. We dont wan to find out on week 9, that someone was unhappy for wanted more of a certain subject.
Each week is planned and set out so everyone knows what is covered on each week before it happens. We also have an opt out policy, meaning anyone can opt out of any part they wish to without being asked why.

Sounds good and really well thought out lisa.

Well done, you will be great. Good to focus beyond the family for a while.

Congratulations on the job.

ditto, congrats on job, course sounds really interesting! let us know how it goes, wish they had it round here... good luck,

Confidence building. How to keep going. How to not be intimidated by meetings and professional interaction I.e

When asked for your parental views ask to submit them in writing after had a chance to think about it. Take a friend. Don't treat each meeting as if it is your last and only chance. Ask for meetings to be held at a time and Place convenient etc.

I've never been on any parenting course, but I wish at the start, somebody had of given me a reality check. Being a SN parent doesn't stop, it's not like a broken leg - over in a couple of months. This is for life. Yes you can achieve a lot, but it doesn't stop. Just when you think you've won 1 battle, the next starts.
Develop a thick skin, healthy scepticism and a GSOH (nearly typed GOSH!). Get a good and understanding support network around you - you will need them at some point.
You will be great. You have so much knowledge, and a natural understanding that each parent has their own issues, and empathy by the bucket loads.

the whole course is about confidence building in parents. THere is no point doing anything at all, until the parents truely believe they can do it, and believe that they are worth everything to those that love them.
Its hard going and therapy based, I have run the course before but never with a whole group of SN parents.
Thanks for the support.

Will you avoid the 'disability doesn't exist, it's only society's attitudes?' approach? I felt like shit when I went on an inclusion course as a) my child was in a different league of disability to theirs and b) we were forced to be so fucking positive all the time.

I would appreciate the space to acknowledge the highs and the lows and be allowed to voice the fact (without bringing everyone down), that for some of the time and for some of us, being an SN mum can be a complete headfuck.

I much prefer a problem-solving approach that acknowledges the difficulty and then finds a solution. I really find humour very cathartic too. I also would appreciate links to practical sources of help. In the end, this has been my lifesaver, not groups

The therapy approach sounds great by the way. Would love to know more...

As a SN parent myself I would never force anyone to be positive it's a real crap time for most of us. And you would hear me say it doesn't exist.

I like practical stuff, so there's a fair amount of that too, but it's the belief that parents know best so know what works best for their kids.
It's called family links parenting puzzle/nurture programme.

hi lisad123, congrats on the job,
ive done a few parenting courses and loved them all,
they all gave me confidence to work with ds better,they helped me make charts just for him,as i was using ones from the early learn centre etc...
they gave us homework each week to do with our dc,and i still do it now,where you spend one to one time with your child,every eve following there lead,getting to know them,listening to them,playing,helping them problem solve,and just over all building the bond between parent and child,
at the time i was knocked to the ground with ds emotionaly,and the courses built me up beautifully! they gave me confidence to speak to the school aswell,

the last course i done finished just before xmas,it was a course for parents with dc with disabilities,i was very nervous going in there.....the 2 ladies doing the course started off be introducing themselves to the group and they told us about there dc,both there dc were "disabled" they were in wheelchairs,could not fend for themselves at all and needed to be feed,there stories were so sad and heart breaking,
i sat there thinking,shit.....im in the wrong place! i know my ds is sn,but disabled?
anyway,they said...before we get everyone to introduce themselves,we would like to say,everyone in this room is here for the same reason! it dosent matter if your child is suffering with ME or CP of ASD we are all feeling the same,
i instantly relaxed....because we were all there for our kids. x