WWYD... send to school/or not??

[shazian]

DS is 11 in 3 weeks, he has severe autism, GDD, low muscle tone, ADHD, pica. He is non verbal. He usually loves school, can cope when not there eg summer hols etc. He goes to special school with 7 kids in class. (almost 1 to 1 basis). Before xmas he was off for 8 weeks due to being extremely stressed to the point where he was rubbing sides of head so bald, bleeding, weeping each side & hands all cut too with rubbing. Initially put down to xmas celebrations, shows etc. Tried taking him back few times but brought him home again. School went back last Monday (in Scotland) and he is only there 1 to 2 hours at most when i have to collect him he constant crying and rubbing his head again which is now worse than ever, total mess. DH says he hasnt to go back. School baffled cos he normally loves being there. They have moved his class due to 2 kids there screeching/screaming n they think could be sore to ds. However he still not coping. We are also having lots trouble with him due to he seems to be in pain with legs at times they jerking and going away from him, lots of limping etc. Been to hospital they did mri which was normal. He cant talk so unable to tell us what problem is, think hospital think all in his head. But he is def in pain, he is usually very happy and now going thru bout 3 or 4 periods in day where screaming and can hardly walk. Hospital have video of these episodes and are having meeting today to see what next step to take is. I feel as though he is in pain and perhaps thats why he doesnt want to go to school, although in between he can jump about as normal. Dont know whether to keep him off but he's already been off 8 wks plus last wk only in approx hour each day, but dh said he's too distressed school not doing much to help and to keep him off. What would you do, sorry for long post. Dont know what to do or how to help poor ds who is normally so happy.

Oh dear, Shazian, that sounds really hard. I'm sorry I haven't really got any good advice, but bumping for you. Something from last year must have changed/upset him. So hard to pinpoint. I wonder if whatever it was is actually OK now but he's got himself into a panic. Could you try to introduce him back really slowly, half an hour at a time, with you staying, either in sight or in the parents room? It depends on what the school will accommodate.

awww bless his heart he is having a tough time of it :(

How recently did they change class? Does he like change in his environment. Its good the school were thinking of him in that the screeching was upsetting him but maybe the whole room move has also completely thrown him out?

I do hope you get his leg situation sorted out soon.

Is he double jointed (old fashioned term lol I know there is a proper word for it)

DD is so flexible in her hips/thigh, fingers etc she suffers cramp and pain and is sometimes in tears with it.

Me I would keep him home where he is calmer and less distressing for him but on the other hand the longer he stays away from school the harder it is going to be go settle him back in I would have thought.

Ellens suggestion is a good one. Would they let you stay with him and gradually fade yourself away after a couple weeks?

Thanks Ellen & Coff for the replies. I have tried staying with him but made things worse he was pulling and shoving me out door because he didnt want to stay. Tried waiting in parents room and he is ok for about hour but starts getting upset rubbing head etc after this. Im thinking could be ok until 1st break then after break due to being in playground its all too much for him (just a guess, will ask next time he's at school for them to keep him in at break time). Dont think will send him tomorrow lots of crying tonight although at home he is not rubbing his head. DH said to keep him off until head clears up a bit total mess, huges bald patch each side all red n weeping... heartbreaking. Want to keep him off especially as he goes in taxi with escort in morning and is so upset each morning it breaks my heart. Cruel to be kind, i think he has to go, if i take him he wont let me leave and so i send him but it makes me ill. I just want to keep him off but its not good for either of us its got to point where i cant move even when i go to loo he is sitting outside door waiting on me. He doesnt get out to play and has no friends (has 2 nt brothers) but doesnt play (although they are great with him) with them, so i feel as though school is only place he actually meets other children and adults come to that. Class just changed on friday so perhaps over more time he will settle, certainly more settled than before even if only for an hour suppose its a start. He does have low muscle tone, didnt walk until age 5 and has had episodes for last couple years of intermittent dystonia (unknown cause), so im thinking its all connected though as for solution i dont know. Anyway he's been crying for last half hour, trying to ignore so tiring and i cant do anything to help have dh has given him codamol and ibuprofen which will hopefully calm him soon so that i can have my dinner. Thanks for listening never feel so alone with all the lovely mumsnet mums x