aibu...friends son poss DX after just 2 appts

[angeLstillchasingDXpeacock]

I know that its a bit selfish, but after just 2 appts, my friends son has been given 2 possible DX's with a positive way forward and a course to work with....

whereas i have been trying for over 2 years, with countless apps with the pead, a referal to OT/SALT/and now BICS.

It just feels like she has "fallen on" a DX without even trying, while I have know for a long time there is something wrong with my DS and am having to fight for anything.

Both the boys have grown up together, they are the only constant mates either has had. kinda more like brothers who live apart...and they are so similar in ways but so oposite in others.

its just driving me mad.......

I got a dx for AS for ds1, very easily, after 2 appointments with CAMHS. Or so it might seem. but there was a 2 year fight in the background. God, that fight nearly tipped me over the edge.
Was the dx that she got as easy as you think?

Its hard but its not her fault and surely your happy your friend is getting the help. I think alot depends on the pead tbh.
DD1 got a working dx on first appointment and full dx at 2nd appointment, but it was a huge stress and a major fight.

DD2 got working dx at 2nd dx appointment and full dx at 3rd, her fight was no where near as hard.

Yes it is hard because you feel it should be the same for everyone and sadly it isnt.

You say your friend has 2 POSSIBLE dxs. I started with that and oh they painted a rosy glow of all they would do and what appointments you would get.

12 months on and the possibles phase into maybe not, maybe, yes, no, its you blah blah blah.

Its still not necessarily all sorted out now for your friend so I would support her. She no doubt has a long road to help her child and also a fight to get help in schools etc. Her fight has just really started.

Ds was dx on second visit but still took nearly two years to get an offical dx, as had to go through the procedures and do the paper work, but made for much easier meetings with the paed (have not seen him since dx, hmm). So though she may have a verbal dx, my still take time. Dx has helped with school but little difference in the early years setting, seeing OT, physio etc.

DS2 was DXed six months after first seeing paed, at 3.6. I always thought it was that that quick because his early symptoms were classic and severe. No doubt, not borderline. It can be a double edged sword.

if it's just a possible or verbal DX then she may be being fobbed off tbh. I do sympathise though, as there can be massive variations in diagnosis/support etc between areas, even for a similar level of symptoms.

Thankyou for all the replies.

Friends DS hasnt seen a pead at all!! its been 1 app with doc after an incident at home, 1 initial assesment app with camhs, and 1 app without her DS at camhs. at the 1st camhs app they told her ADD with autistic traits and the 2nd without child app they said sounds like aspergers.

i know that these are only possible DX's and i know that there is still probably a long way for her to go with this, but its taken me 2 years to get my DS anywhere close to possibly-maybee-we'll see about ADOS....whereas they are saying they want her DS to have the ADOS already!

I was having a very bad low day when i wrote this post and i can see now, and could see then that i was being selfish with these thoughts, but i will ALWAYS support them in this.

He comes to ours once a week EVERY week! and i was the one who sugested this when we realised that he was having real problems. I can see (and always have seen) that he does have problems and most probably a form of ASD. and of course i want him to get all the help he needs and deserves. its just as one of you said...unfair, that the system doesnt play the same for everyone.

because we went through the process from one direction, and she entered into it from another, it seems as though shes had the easier ride....

again thankyou for your replies xx

Well I think the issue is that ASD is a condition with a very clear diagnostic criteria, as opposed to other conditions that are more of an 'exclusion' diagnosis.

If your friend's child had very clear cut symptoms (whether they be 'severe' or 'mild') then a diagnosis is easier.

It doesn't mean that you aren't believed, or that your DS isn't as important. Just that all profs need to be SURE that they are giving the right diagnosis to the right child at the right time.

I know how you feel though. DD1 is now 6. 3 years ago we had the helpful 'GDD' label. 3 Years on, Special school, but still no answers.

DS1 was dx in 2 appointments - and then nothing. I've had to fight for every little bit of support that he's had.
I totally agree that it's who you see, whether they're having a good or bad day etc, etc. I know quite a few mums round here that have seen some of the same paediatricians we have. Some say 'x' is brilliant and referred really well. The same 'x' another friend wants to sue for negligence. It's a lottery.

It's natural to get monumentally pissed off by inequities in the system, don't feel guilty about having these thoughts, just recognise that rationally it's the system you need to resent, not your friend iyswim.

Thelightpassenger....thankyou..i think that sums it up perfectly. thats who i now can see i was upset with, and it just took for me to sleep on it and let the emotions calm down to be able to see it all rationally.

lougle...i can imagine the struggle with a GDD DX. i have a friend whos DD is the same age as my DD(nt) but she has GDD and no clear answer.

auntevil...I hear what your saying, but i would add in that they need the different teams to actually talk to each other! lol I amnot saying you have had it easy with getting a DX so quick, coz you have had to fight for all the provisions and support...but you at least HAD the DX to shout out with, i feel its so much harder trying to get people to listen when your saying "suspected" its feels like people are looking at you like your just "another one of them paranoid parents" who "just want attention" and "make up reasons for badly behaved kids" IYGWIM. lol....i could just slap the SENCO at school sometimes hahaha

Trust me angeL - schools ignore dx as well and you're still considered paranoid. The other thing you find is that after a dx, everything that you go to anyone medical with regarding your child is obviously because of the dx condition.
Wish you well though. As one of the thread titles went 'the bumpy road to dx'

Thankyou auntevil.
I know that NO-ONE on this road has it easy...and even once you have reached the DX, the road that follows is never easy either....

Thankyou for not jumping on me and being understanding about what i was actually saying..i know that it can be easy to misread or read connotations in things, this site realy is a support network for us all, and i hope i can help others the way i have found help here xxx

i hope you are getting there with the help your DS needs and catch you arround here again soon xxx