DS 13, Dyspraxia, Aspergers? anxious, refusing school

[starfish71]

Have sent letter to LEA requesting statutory assessment last week as DS is not coping well with school at all. He is refusing to go to school, very stressed at any mention of school. Talked with him last night and he said he feels sick, drained and tired whilst at school and spends the whole day just wanting to come home.

Have got an appointment at GP's this afternoon just so it is noted down on his medical records that he is feeling this stressed. Anything else I should ask doc for while there? We have an appt at CAMHS next month. We also have a home visit tomorrow from Autism outreach teacher as she is aware how difficult DS is finding school.

Any thing else I should be doing?

sounds like you are doing everything you can,and going to the dr. is a good idea,have you seen a pead? my friend has been referred to a unit,its for children who refuse to go to school for whatever reason,i think its called an srb unit,ill find out for you,x

you could ask the GP for a referral to sensory OT - could be sensory difficulties making school difficult for him. Seems to be very common with school refusers.

ive just rang her,she cant remember the full name of the place,shes waiting for her letter,its stands for school refusal....."something" she cant remember,
that wasnt much help!!
x

hi starfish. i have a 13 yr old AS school refuser pain in the backside.
it sounds like you have most bases covered. Maybe the Camhs people can suggest anything else? or the parent partnership people?

DD cracked this term and hasn't been back to school. it is just not worth the stress. we're in a bit of limbo what to do next and i'm waiting to see what the EWO and/or LEA have to say.

Oh thank you all for replys! Thanks crazygal for asking your friend, any info helps, all new territory for us.

Cornsilllk DS does have sensory difficulties so will suggest that later.

Atyourcervix how long has your child been out of school? What do the local authorities do? Got to admit DH is worried they will just say we are awful parents and take us to court. If a child has SEN then I hope they are a bit more understanding.

Head of year has emailed asking will it help if she or welfare officer visited DS? Have replied that I will let her know once I have seen GP. Does that sound reasonable? DS doesn't want to see anyone at moment and has said he won't talk to the GP but he will come with me.

DD flatly refused to go to the last meeting i had at school. or to the GP. GP is referring back to camhs. LEA and EWO haven't been involved up to now - got referred last week.

I'm hoping they won't just call me a shit parent. I hope my attempts to get school to listen to me, the CAMHs stuff and the fact that I also have DD1 (who is no trouble at all) will help. School didn't seem concerned about the EWO at all - I'm lookingat it as a chance for me to ask for help accessing other things, like maybe on-line schools. possibly.

Thanks Atyourcervix, on-line school sounds interesting. Not going to be fun going to the GP with DS. Am feeling really stressed about it all.

Well have been to GP, he didn't say much at all, just took a look at DS (who sat head down) and just added it to his records.

Have spoken to parent partnership (SNAP) and got some advice and who offered to come to any meetings with school we have. Also contacted LEA to check they have received statutory assessment request, they have but no one has looked at it yet. So know I have done some things today to keep things moving, DS is now back on settee on laptop and I am exhausted.

a productive day. have a well earned rest and and start again tomorrow. it is exhausting.

Thanks, I will be having a wine glass: know its been productive but I am soo tense now! Think I need to get out for a bit tomorrow!

Glad your day was good too.

Oh my didn't appear! there it is!

well done OP

We found that getting an appropriately worded letter from camhs confirming that ds' refusal to go to school was based on anxiety was key to accessing support for him when he was out of school. The EWO visited once, talked to me and ds, told him the law said he had to go to school, he said I know but I can't but she stopped being involved once his case was taken on by COOSS - children out of school service They offer home tuition to children who can't attend school because of medical needs and should support the child's reintegration to school where appropriate.

Up until a year and a half ago the law simply said a child was entitled to a minimum of 5 hrs per week but that the only restraint to more hours should be any restrictions caused by the child's health. In our experience and I suspect for many others',this meant the lea insisted 5 hours is all that they could possible offer. The law changed summer 2010 to make it more explicit that ill children had the same entitlement to a fulltime education as all other children. Nonetheless many leas continue to flout this - there was an article about this in the Times Ed Supplement towards the end of last year. link here:
www.tes.co.uk/article.aspx?storycode=6116532

I hope with support your son will manage to cope with being back at school soon, but just wanted to make sure you know aht his entitlement should be while he is out of school.

Thank you pinkorkid, that is really useful. We have an appt with camhs early next month so if we haven't moved forward then will ask them to put it in writing then its the anxiety and stress stopping him from going to school.

It is so helpful to know what our rights are, many thanks.

sorry haven't read it all, however my DS nearly 11, has been out of school 2 years and still no further forward. He has always been special school, so already statemented and has been for 8 year, so I think the point I'm trying to make is, there's no compensation by the LA etc when it comes to SEN. x

That sounds awful devientenigma, two years! And your DS has a statement. That is beyond awful. This is going to be tough, is your DS getting any home tuition from the LEA or anything?

did any of you read this in saturday's guardian? it's quite interesting.

That was interesting AtYourCervix. Thanks for linking it. Hope your DD is doing ok.

brilliant article

Will you please stop referring to it as 'SCHOOL REFUSING'

You are playing right into the hands os school, EWO and LA by calling it this.

They then blame the child / you refusing to go to school rather than recognising that the school environment for whatever reason cannot accommodate the child and that more support is required.

Think about it....

If you had ASD and couldn't tolerate noise, busy places, a confusing routine, were struggling to do things that didn't come naturally to you ..... and very probably being bullied or shunned by your class mates.......

WOULD YOU WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL?

I doubt it.

It would stress you out - and that's what is happening to your child who is then making a perfectly logical decision to avoid school and thus alleviate the stress it is causing.

By calling it refusal you are implying that the child is being wilfull and simply not choosing to attend.

That absolves school / LA from having to create an environment that can accommodate them. You could end up going down the truancy route.

So please STOP calling it SCHOOL REFUSAL and start telling school / LA / EWO that it's an environment that is not compatible with their disabilityies and they need extra help / support / understanding etc to make it so.

You can guess this is something I feel very strongly about.

I do understand what you mean Wetaugust, I have listened to my DS describe what it is he can't cope with and he listed, the building, the work that either is boring or he can't take in the lessons and know what he is supposed to be doing and the teachers lack of underrstanding.

I know we are only just begining to scratch the surface with DS and am ploughing through my parental statement for statutory assessment at the moment.

I do agree it is a negative term but I got caught using it the other day as it has been said to me since DS has not been in school.

Yes Startfish, I expect it's a term that school / LA introduced you to.

That's their way of shifting blame from their own inability to provide a supportive environment to 'it's the child's own fault for refusing to attend school'.

They tried it on with me too.

These small units that were described up-thread for housing children who were having difficulties are designed for one thing only - the earliest possible return to MS school where their SENs will continue to be ignored and before long they are again unable to cope in MS. they are no substitute for proper MS SEN support delivered via a Statement.

All your DS's 'complaints' are perfectly valid - and are the real reasons why he feels unable to attnd school.

It's for school / LA to find ways of overcoming those barriers within school so that it becomes a welcoming place that he is keen to go to each day.

please - no more school refusing

you sre absolutely right wetaugust.

Thanks wetaugust, I am putting loud and clear in my paretal contribution that DS is unable to attend school and will back it up with the reasons why.

Have done 10 pages so far, am meant to be doing more now, but I feel exhausted today so going to have a quick break and carry on.

My shoulder muscles are very tense!