Feeling crap about letting everyone in the family down...

[hazeyjane]

...ds has been ill all weekend, so dh and I have been on tenterhooks about whether we should get him to hospital, OOH etc. All ds has wanted to do is be cuddled and carried around, and I just feel so bad that dd1 and 2 have ended up mooching about the house. Dh has taken dd1 out for a walk, and a bike ride, but we had a day out planned which we have had to cancel, just like we had to delay Xmas (ds in hospital) and cancel trip to friends at New Year etc etc. Plus dd2 has been really unsettled since ds was in hospital, because she was upset that i went away, so she has been clingy and unsettled, not wanting to go to school, not wanting to leave the house, crying in the middle of the night saying she doesn't want me to go away.

Sorry I don't know what I'll achieve by moaning, I have been stuck in all weekend, keeping an eye on ds and trying to keep dd2 happy. I just feel crap that they have to give stuff up and see us so worried.

Tell me to shut up and get on with it - (nicely) please!

Sorry you are having an awful time of it Hazey. Hang in there you are doing a wonderful job!!

awwww ((((HUGS)))) hazey x

what you will achieve by moaning is getting it off your chest instead of keeping it in and the upset building up :)

Thats what we are here for!

Hope your ds gets better soon and that your dd settles again soon. I know when my DD was in hospital it through my DS totally out of sync for a while and everytime someone was poorly he would watch us like a hawk to see if we disapear x

Your kids will see a famiyl who prioritises the needs of a child who is unwell.
That is how everyone else will see it too.
And that is exactly how it should be, so don't give it another thought.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you all.

How difficult for all of you. When DD was little and we were having a hard time with DS1, I think she felt quite abandoned at times. I don't know I handled it that well as she was always quite weepy when I left the house for work after that. Separation anxiety I suppose. When I look back, I was so upset myself that it seemed impossible to hide it from her, but I didn't explain it enough.

Can you talk to the DD's and just be honest that it's been a crap time for all of you, but good times will be ahead, then make a plan for a lovely day out to treat them (no fixed day just in case), and a little treat of a mini party/cake/chocs/special film to watch together on TV under a duvet? Nothing too ambitious, just lots of praise for being such good, helpful sisters. I wish I'd asked my DD to be more involved in helping me too - think I tried to protect her from it all but possibly should have made her more part of it. DS2 is a really helpful little soul because I've expected him to be, but DD still gets freaked out by DS1.

Thankyou so much everyone.

Ds is loads better today, and we have just been out for a walk, in the lovely frosty sunshine.

The dds are 4 and a half and 5 and a half, and I suppose I worry about them having to deal with this sort of stuff at this age, but on the other hand life isn't all tralala, and shit happens. When ds was in hospital at Christmas, I was walking through the corridor with dd1 and she asked if a woman lying on the bed was dead, and I said 'no she is just sleeping why did you think she was dead' and she said, 'because XXXX (her best friend) said that when people come to hospital, they die' (XXXX's mother died last year). So I think she has been worrying about the fact that ds has been in and out of hospital. It all just seems so huge for them (hell it seems too huge for me sometimes!)With dd2 it is the the fact that I am not physically there for her as much as I used to be. But you are right, we just need to let them know all the ways they help their little brother, and try to make some really special times for them.

Thankyou again, I have been having such a wobble lately (no sleep!) coming on here always helps

Glad your DS seems better today. Its always tough on the other DCs. We've had 15 yrs of this with DD being in and out of hospital and DS being passed around from the age of 4 wks old whenever it happened.
We always tried to arrange little treats for DS when he was younger eg getting someone to sit with DD in hospital and taking DS out for tea to MCd or Pizza Hut. I also used to keep a supply of new books/toys to give DS in case we had to call an ambulance for DD and disappear quickly - or sometimes he had to come with us in the ambulance if no friends/family around to help out.
It seems unfair but your other DCs will cope - you do just have to look out for the worries that they are storing up and not talking about though. I remember once when DD was in respite and we were 2 hrs from home, DD had a seizure and was admitted to hospital. We arranged to travel home immediately and DS (then aged 5) pipes up "Is she going to die?" I don't know why he chose this occassion to ask that as she had had many admissions for seizures previously but when I arrived at the hospital, they were transferring DD to ITU - the 1st time that had happened. All I could think of was what DS had said in the car.

Sorry, pressed POST too soon.
What I was trying to say was, it will get easier as your DCs get older. It will still be unfair but they will cope. With DD iit always seemed to happen when DS had something on he needed to go to & he was convinced that DD did it deliberately!!! But as he's got older - he still whinges, but understands

Thankyou BigBlueBus, it sounds as though it has been very hard, but you have dealt with it all very well. Pizza Hut/McDonalds seem to be our stop of point after hospital trips too (and I remember someone else on the SN boards saying the same thing) next time we're in there I will be wondering how many of the families have just been in hospital!