Red Mist Moment - thank goodness it wasn't me.... I would be mumsnetting from the lock up.

[eidsvold]

just read this story on a webgroup I am part of....

It made me feel sad, sick and so angry!!

"A couple of months ago, a friend of mine who has a 4 year old boy with multilple
disabilities picked him up from daycare to find an anonymous letter in his
pocket. This is what it said.

I think its extremely wrong of you to bring your child in here to daycare.
The boy obviously has serious porblems and should be in special care. Its a
disgrace that you feel that it is appropriate to bring him in to this
environment. Its such a shame to see a mother dumping their handicapped child
off just to get rid of them for the day. He needs to be with other children
with similar problems. You disgust me. I have to consider taking my child
elsewhere as for this centre to allow him to be here is very disappoionting.
Have a good think about what your doing. Its so wrong.

They were so upset and immediately withdrew their children from the daycare.
The daycare was very upset too, but because it was anonymous there was nothing
they could do. We both tried to convince the parents to keep the boys there,
but I understand why they didn't."

Another mother has written an amazing reply but it just made me want to cry.

this is the reply written by the parent's friend...

"Allow me to respond to your letter on behalf of my friends. Because, either
you are too gutless or too ashamed of yourself, you didn't sign your name, so
this is the only way we can reply to you. Yes, their son does have serious
problems. He has global intellectual impairment, autism, and epilepsy. This
means he has a lot of behaviours other people don't understand. But, besides
this, he is a four year old boy. He is gorgeous and sweet and loves being with
other children. First and foremost, he is a child. And as such he has needs
and rights just like every other child. This includes the right to go to a
daycare and be in a group with his peers. He can't do everything they do but it
is so good for him to be there. He loves being with the other children, he
enjoys watching them, playing with them and it is good for him to be challenged
to keep up with them. The daycare knew about his disabilities when they accepted
him and they have no problem with his being there. He does also attend a
special education class where specialist teachers and therapists work with him.
However,. when he grows up he will live in the general community and he has a
right to be a part of that from birth - not segregated into special areas
because some people are uncomfortable with disabilities. His mother does not
dump her son to get rid of him for the day - She is doing what is best for him -
integrating him and challenging him. You obviously have very strong feelings
about integrating people who are different into society. Fortunately, your
hostile and aggressive opinions are in the minority. What are you teaching your
child about acceptance and differences - be they physical, spiritual or
multicultural? In the community today it is sad to see someone still so closed
minded and prejudiced. My friends son has been withdrawn from daycare - not
because anyone agrees with you in any way - but for the safety of the children.
If you could put this note in his pocket - what would you do next? My friends
were hurt by what you wrote but now they feel only pity - pity that you live
with so much anger and hate and pity your children are growing up in that
environment. Disability is everywhere - some are more obvious than others.
When you are older and are blind, or deaf or physically handicapped, I pray
people don't treat you with the contempt you are treating this little boy with."

and

Sickening filth.

Oh, Eidsvold, what a shocking letter and a marvellous reply. But very there are people who would write the first one - just very glad there are people who can respond so beautifully.

Well I think it's outrageous that the daycare unit didn't do anything. It's an offence to send poison-pen letters. (Mind you, was this in America? Day-care's kind of American, isn't it?)

Made me cry... Tell your webgroup that me, for one thinks that it's disgusting. If DS went to a group that had children who were a bit different to him, then I think that it's very important that those children know why my son is different, etc.

That is so, so awful and . Some people.

here in australia.

that's nauseating
how horrible

That's unbelievable.

Do you know where the reply was sent to, Eidsvold - was it on the daycare notice board? I think it's such a pity (but understandable) that the parents withdrew their child, because the culprit may have been tracked down if they followed through with their threat to remove their own child. Mind you, I wouldn't mind betting whoever-it-was has or will give themselves away with other nasty remarks - people don't develop that sort of attitude out of the blue.

So when the disabled mum drops off her son she is "dumping" him. But it's okay for the poison pen writer to leave her child - it's only dumping if the child is not NT.

Yuck attitude - similar to (but much worse than) the attitude I hear a lot which is that I should keep Bob at home with me all the time so that their child can eat peanut butter at day care.

I know we all think that our child is the best in the world, but this is really taking it to extremes.

"They were so upset and immediately withdrew their children from the daycare. The daycare was very upset too, but because it was anonymous there was nothing they could do. We both tried to convince the parents to keep the boys there, but I understand why they didn't.

The parents wanted to reply, but didn't know how, they wanted to have some closure to the accusations."

the reply was posted on the daycare notice board and an abridged version of the whole situation was sent by the second mum to the local papers also.

Absolutely disgraceful behaviour by these people who wrote this. I would agree that such attitudes do not appear overnight but are deeply ingrained in their pysche.

I would have thought there could have been some police involvement - they would have found out who sent such horrid nonsense. Anonymous poison pen letters are of interest to the police.

And to put this in a boy's pocket as well . The people who wrote this are truly the lowest of the low.

I am crying my eyes out. The sad thing is, you can't rationalize with people such as this. Too bad that they cannot see that kids with special needs have the best souls. It is their loss.

eidsvold, it is revolting. Some people just have cesspit minds.

that is truly sickening.i have two disabled children.my eldest has severe behavioural problems,is blind in one eye and has epilepsy.when he was 5 years old (he is now 14)and he started school,he got suspended because he kept hugging other children and their parents didnt like it.he is really loving,but when people push him away,he would get upset and angry.the schools way of dealing with this behaviour was to send him home for a week!i was appaled and angry.the education department said that other parents were worried that he would harm their children.he never hurt any of the children,but after this he was always left out when it came to others birthday parties,as the parents didnt want 'the kid with the problems' there.it was heartbreaking when he would ask to play with his friends after school,and the parents would come up with excuses for him not to go to their houses.hes 14 now and never goes out after school,no matter how much we try to get him to involve himself in the after school activities.peoples attitudes towards him have definately done this to him.my dd has cystic fibrosis and although its not an obvious disability,people give funny looks when we go anywhere as if to say 'keep away from my child',alot seem to think that its contageous!people need to be re-educated when it comes to disabilities.the second you mention special needs,you can see people switch off and start making their own conclusions about your child.this attitude definately affects the disabled persons self esteem and does have long term effects.people need to think that before they go passing on their ignorances and predjudices onto their children.

Sickening [shocked]

What a truly vile person to have written such a thing and then left it in the way they did. I'd like to think that the story in the local paper might leave them feeling ashamed of themselves but somehow I doubt it.

Stephanie - Your children deserve so much better than that. Some people just make me so bl**dy angry.

appalling way to treat a child

i've told my eldest to ignore peoples attitudes,but it is hard for him.he often comes home from school with tear stains down his face.(i'm proud of all my children,i have 5)and if anyone upsets them,ive always told them to tell teachers or myself,but when the teachers dont want to help,it can be very upsetting.there have been times i've wanted to take my children out of the school and teach them at home,but then that would be like saying they are different,when really they are'nt.they are still children that need to interact with others.

i've told my eldest to ignore peoples attitudes,but it is hard for him.he often comes home from school with tear stains down his face.(i'm proud of all my children,i have 5)and if anyone upsets them,ive always told them to tell teachers or myself,but when the teachers dont want to help,it can be very upsetting.there have been times i've wanted to take my children out of the school and teach them at home,but then that would be like saying they are different,when really they are'nt.they are still children that need to interact with others.

duh!double clicked it then!

goodness. How odd of the person who wrote it to think that it was a reasonable action to take. Whatever is going on in their head?
I know whose child I'D rather be, with disabilities or not!
A shame they couldn't fact keeping their son at the centre, and then see who took their child out. But I can totally see why they removed their son. I'm just completely TBH

I don't know what to say, words fail me.

Thats absolutely disgusting, what a coward that person must be, cant even sign their own name, i hope they feel shame.

Absolutely sickening. Can't believe there are still people with these ignorant and offensive beliefs. Feel very sad for the parents. And how extremely abusive a violation to put this letter in the child's pocket. Also scary to think that the author of the letter is still among them.