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SN children

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Original poster

Just had a - thankfully rare- 'I want to be them' moment

20 replies

sphil · 14/01/2012 14:59

Ds2 (ASD) at respite, so we took Ds1 to the pub for lunch. Had a nice time, but as we were leaving saw a family we know from school sitting over the other side - Mum, Dad, Grandma, two DSes. They were waiting for their lunch and playing some sort of word game, very happy and animated. And I suddenly felt a stab of real envy - we can never do that. We are simply never that carefree when out in public as a whole family. And just for once, I really really wanted to be able to feel that.

OP posts:

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 14/01/2012 15:13

I have those moments. We were in the car a few years ago and passed a family from school all out on their bikes...

LeninGrad · 14/01/2012 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coff33pot · 14/01/2012 15:26

Yes that feeling creeps up on me every now and again. :( Especially when there are events that the other DCs are doing and DS is adamant he is not going so one of us has to go and the other parent misses out supporting them.

Pixel · 14/01/2012 15:36

I was at my friend's last night and her dh had to pop out. Their little boy was all "can I come Daddy, can I come?" getting excited.
I've just tried to get ds to come out for a walk with me and he's flatly refused to leave the house.

cwtch4967 · 14/01/2012 18:47

I think those moments happen to us all! I find I'm often caught off guard when this happens unexpectedly and you haven't had a chance to mentally prepare yourself. Mine was before Christmas watching dd in her school concert - the nursery class were also taking part, ds had been there for a term before going to his fab special school - I couldn't help but think ds would have been there if he didn't have his special needs.

Triggles · 14/01/2012 20:05

I have them over taking the boys to the park. I can't do it, as I can't watch both of them because DS2 is a runner. It means we really can't take him to any open space green like that.. or at least I can't with DS3 as well.

googlenut · 14/01/2012 20:18

I had a similar experience recently. Ds with ASD was staying with grandparents and we took our other 2 children out for a meal. We were able to relax totally and I looked round this large restaurant and saw other families and thought with a pang - you can do this anytime you want and not think twice about it.
We love ds to bits n all missed him when he wasn't with us, but we all carry a lot of stress because of him.

willowthecat · 14/01/2012 21:13

I feel this way quite a lot of the time (not doing me any good obviously !). All I can do to rationialise it is to think that there is no such thing as ordinary life or ordinary time. After all, I had a lot time pre SN when I did not have the stress and worry I have now, and yet i don't remember appreciating it or feeling happy/grateful about it.

ineedstrongcoffee · 14/01/2012 21:34

I feel like this most mornings when i see his old school peers walking to school and we are at the window waiting for the taxi to take him to his resource unit.Its been 4 months and i still feel like crap every morning.

saintlyjimjams · 14/01/2012 23:33

Ah yes restaurant envy. Tables of 3 boys, does is to me every time I still remember one occasion from 7 years ago- i think it was because it was the first holiday we'd left ds1 with my mum and dad for a few days to take the other 2 away (locally).

On the other hand your ds2 is such a yummy young chap that they're missing out as well (I know that's not what you mean, but it's best if these things are fleeting - which usually they are) xxxx

carrotsandcelery · 14/01/2012 23:41

I had this at the nativity just before Christmas. Everyone was praising (quite rightly) the lead role for doing so well.

I knew that my ds had had to work 20 times as hard just to be in the room.

I was really at how annoyed I was that the lead role and parents had no idea how lucky they were and really with them for it. They are my friends too. It is not my finest moment.

CumpyGrunt · 14/01/2012 23:47

There was 2 other little girls born into our extended family the summer DD was born, & DDs difficulties are really starting to be noticeable compared to the other two.

saintlyjimjams · 14/01/2012 23:52

Oh yes that's tough Cumpy

carrotsandcelery · 14/01/2012 23:54

I know how you feel Cumpy. Ds's cousin is just 6 weeks younger. I try to focus on the traits that make him stand out for being so fabulous rather than the others but sometimes it is very hard.

CumpyGrunt · 15/01/2012 00:18

I try to do that, DD is lovely & a very happy child but very different from her cousins.

She'd rather spin around in circles & screech than chatter away, & toy prams are nothing more a useful climbing aid to her.

I wouldn't be without her though.

Original poster

sphil · 16/01/2012 20:29

Am feeling much better today. DS2 was in the car when it broke down this morning - only took two repeats of 'the car is BROKEN DS- we have to WALK to school' before he got out and walked happily there (nearly a mile and it was freezing!) And then this evening he ate two pieces of cucumber WITH A FORK.

So I say poo to your happy word games in the pub - we have cucumber and cutlery

OP posts:

saintlyjimjams · 16/01/2012 22:26

Glad you are feeling better sphil. And well done ds2 - that's pretty major. Hope you car is better soon!

Original poster

sphil · 16/01/2012 23:05

It's fine now. 'Broke down' was a euphemism for 'ran out of diesel'

OP posts:

saintlyjimjams · 17/01/2012 00:02

Ah I recently put petrol in my diesel car which had much the same effect. Luckily I'd just dropped ds1 at respite....

coff33pot · 17/01/2012 00:18

saintly I have done that too not once......but twice

car is petrol, work van is diesel.

DH never forgets to fill up in the evening now instead of leaving it to me before coffee in the mornings

Glad you feel better Sphil. And well done on the forkwork!

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