Where do we go now?

[elephantpoo]

DS (5) has had "unusual" aspects to his personality since the age of about 3. In the last 6 - 12 months he seems to have gotten worse.
At the moment he's making family life very difficult (we also have DD 9)
He has "habits" that seem to get worse when he's excited / tired - continually clearing throat, doing a weird thing with his eyes / head tilting, shoulder shrugging, and a hissing sound that ends in "t" sound.
He is very strong willed and narrow minded-once he's got an idea in his head he won't be persuaded to do anything else.........and when things don't work out the way he wants he gets very angry (he's really hurt DH before in a "tantrum")
His "catchphrases" are - "I'm confused" and "I don't know what you mean" when we try and explain ideas / jokes / bits of conversation to him. He chants these phrases again and again getting agrier and angrier.
When we sit together in the evening for our meal he constantly interrupts / talks over others.
He also doesn't respond to any discipline we have tried (time out / confiscation of toys, etc)
At school he has one good friend. We have had other children over to try and widen his friendship group, but when the other child doesn't play the way he likes it ends in angry arguements.
At home he doesn't "play" very much. In the mornings before school I shower and he just lays on my bedroom floor cuddling his bear.
Just recently he's started lying. A lot.
I don't know where to go now. I'm not really sure what "the problem" is. It's more of an overall effect of lots of little things.
My mum has said she thinks he has an ASD (she always suspected that my brother had Aspergers, but didn't pursue a diagnosis as she didn''t have my dad's support)
DH ( a self confessed "bury-your-head-in-the-sand" man) admitted that we need to find out what's going on. But where do we go from here?
He's such a lovely boy and it breaks my heart that a. he's so upset / angry a lot of the time and b. his behaviour is damaging our family.
Any ideas greatfully received :)

Also, he never has had a very good sleep pattern........and it can be exhausting.
He can go weeks with just waking once for a wee and then, for no apparant reason, he'll start waking 3, 4, 5 times a night.
Like I say there are so many little things that are not a major problem on their own, but added together......

If you want to get him assessed for ASD then you should go to your GP and ask for a referral to a child development paed.

It does sound like he might have it.

How is he getting on in school? Have the school pointed out any significant issues they have or have noticed?

I would make an appointment with them and meet the SENCO & class teacher to discuss your concerns and see what their response is too. Then go to your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental peadiatrician (down here it was called a community peadiatrician so it depends on where you are) as the first stop.

Start making a diary of anything out of the ordinary and list all the things you have put here. The more info you have to show the better :)

He's doing really well at school. He is well ahead in Maths (amazing his teacher with the sums he can do in his head!!) and doing as he should in other areas. His teacher did comment about his one strong friendship at the last parents eve (hence having other children over) and how "lost" he is when his friend isn't there.

Well with the friendship issue you could talk to the school about arrangeing something like a Circle of Friends? Arranging group activities with others than this particular friend so he mixes a bit more.

Different playdates are a good idea too but the school can also help in this area.

And joining some clubs would help. Beavers are a great club to join but I would put his name down now as the starting age is 6 and there is usually a long waiting list to join.

Mine goes there and loves every minute of it. There are very inclusive :)

Structured activities at school can help eg a lunchtime lego club or similar esp if adults support eg building something as a team. It can be easier to play alongside / do something structured where clear rules already than free play.

Could try reading up on aspergers and strategies eg Tony Attwood books (can borrow for free from cerebra)

May be worth mentioning your concerns to school as well.

Is he worse in term time or holidays?

From you description I would definally persue an investigation.

Thanks for the messages.
coff33pot - I will ask school to help in the friendship area. He started a new club this week during a lunchtme at school and his friend didn't go (can't believe he made it there-didn't want to go when I spoke to him at home!!) He loved it So pleased for him........he never does anything and he actually loved it!!
AgnesDiPesto - will look up that book. Thank you. I often feel I'm letting him down. When I really try to accommodate his behaviour he responds so well-he's lovely. But it's exhausting. Maybe the book will help DH really struggles with him sometimes-they argue like kids sometimes-I wonder who the grown-up is I am speaking to his teacher at some point this week.
StarlightMcKenzie - during term time he's worse "at home" (ie. when he's with his family) He seems to hold it together at school / his friends house. He has a few really bad days at the beginning of the hols, but then seems to calm down a bit after that.
DH is concerned about "labelling" him, but I think, either way, it will help. At least we'll know.

Sorry to keep asking questions, but can I speak to the Doctor about DS when he (DS not the doctor!) is not there? For some reason I've got it in my head that doctors can't discuss patients without them being there...........don't know where that came from-am I right?
I would just feel awful with DS sat in the room reeling off a list of "unusual" aspects of his personality, whilst he takes it all in.

your his parent, yes you can make a GP appointment for him without him being there...i have.

My DS is almost 8 and we are on the long and bumpy road to DX. I wish i had gone with my gut and done something about it when he was ur DS age. instead i listened to everyone else saying it was this or that....

trust yourself!! you know what you need to do, ask as much as you need here or anywhere to find out HOW to do it, but you know WHAT needs doing. IYGWIM.

us mums are 99% of the time RIGHT!!

what you described in your post sounds just like my DS. the annoying "habbits", being "narrow minded" and prefering to do things his way. not seeming to understand jokes/sarcasm/some information. Lack of close friends. Solitary "play" (this did get a bit better as he got older and his little sister almost forced him to have to play with her hahaha)

Make the appointment with your GP and ask for a referal. explain your concerns and dont give up. you sound like you have good support and im sure your mum will support you twice as hard with what she to deal with xxx

take care xxx

I would be asking yor GP to refer your son to a developmental paediatrician. DS does not have to be there when you request a referral.

You may also want to keep a diary of his behaviours and film him playing at home; that can also give clues.

How are the school supporting him exactly?. You certainly need to see the SENCO asap.

Some children who have additional needs often bottle up all their frustrations of the school day only to let rip in a safe environment i.e their home. This primarily happens too becasuse their additional support needs at school are not being met. This also leads to a deleterious effect on family life.

I would advise your DH that a label should be used primarily as a signpost to seeking more help. It will also open more doors that will otherwise remain closed.

angeL - thanks so much for your reply. It's made me cry (because everybody I speak to is reassuring me that DS is ok, but I know deep down he isn't) I have an appointment with GP for Monday (confused the receptionist a little when I said it was for my DS but he wouldn't be there ) Mum has offered to come and speak to scool with me. Feel I might go to pieces on my own........why am I so tearful about this!!?? I hope you get somewhere with your son's DX xx
Attila - thank you. You're reply has started me off again. He really does seem to "let rip" when he gets home. It's seriously affected our family and our relationship with him. School are doing nothing as yet. I have to speak to them this week, but his class teacher is ill atm. I've been putting it off for a long time, and I got a "push" last week. Teacher caught me last Thurs saying that DS had been "strangling" another boy, and just shrugged his shoulders when asked what was going on. Of course, this was another blub moment and I must have come accross as a right loon, mumbling about coming to see her soon about poss ASD. She arranged to meet me that Fri pm, but went home sick that day and hasn't been back since [confusd]
I'm worried that they're going to think I'm neurotic. I had concerns about DD (9) about 12 - 18 months ago, and spoke to SENCO then. DD does have some "traits" (nowhere near as many as DS) but she seems to cope v. well. Looking back now, it coincides with DS getting worse / more noticable, so maybe mis-placed worry on my part.
Thanks for advice re. DH - he says he doesn't want any tests, but admits he wants to find out what's going on / how we can help DS. You're signpost idea may be a good way to explain it to him.