Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Flip

Original poster

Anyone else scared of the future????

17 replies

Blossomhill · 16/01/2006 20:04

I don't know what is wrong with me but just lately everytime I think of the future and dd I feel petrified and try and blank it out.
I have always tried to be positive but just lately I can't. I feel that although dd is doing very well the communication problems are becoming far more obvious now she is getting older. She is also getting far more hyper and the social gap between her peers is widening. She is liked but due to not being able to make a conversation cannot sustain relationships.
I just feel that dd although has "friends" they aren't really and that makes me feel really sad
Why is it with dd that she takes 1 step forward and 2 steps back?
Sorry just needed to offload.

OP posts:

anniebear · 16/01/2006 20:17

I worry very much for Ellie's future

I said the other week to my Mum and Dad that she won't have a boyfriend, get married or have children My Dad wasn't impressed at me saying it!! think he is a bit more positive than me!

I am a very negative person. A friend once asked would we put Ellie in a home {sad] I didn't know what to say, She is my 4 year old little girl, hadn't really thought of homes!

I also knew when the girls started school that the gap would widen even more between them and it has in certain ways

I even had a dream the other night that I woke up and she was all better!

Sorry, I am of no help to you and won't have made you feel any better, but I do remember you saying not long ago we were very alike

Socci · 16/01/2006 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

getbakainyourjimjams · 16/01/2006 23:11

terrified- like socci it's not the no chance of grandchildren etc (that makes me sad though), its the thought that he might be unhappy and not have the resources to be able to change that. I feel that his happiness is always going to be at the mercy of someone else's behaviour. I hope his siblings will look out for him (not after him, just out for him), but I don't want them to feel they have to iyswim.

eidsvold · 17/01/2006 00:08

i am with you - don't care whether dh gets married - will not have children... but desperately worry that she will be taken advantage of, be unhappy, and so on. Hope like you baka that dd2 will look out for her.... but I still worry.

dd1 is about to start mainstream kindy and I am terrified that it will not be a 'happy' experience for her... worried that other kids will tease her or worse, worry about how much she will get out of it... I know there are parts she will love - like the other children...BUT have already seen other children be unkind and it so hurts.

anniebear · 17/01/2006 07:17

eidsvold, understnad you are worried but I bet you anything the other kids will love her!!

Pfer · 17/01/2006 08:07

I worry so much about the future too, espec. for ds1. He's very sensitive, shy & easily led and it scares me to death that he's got the right temperament to be bully fodder. .

All we can do is our best and be there to help them when they need us, they are our babies and I'm sure with all the love we have to give them they'll all be fine.

getbakainyourjimjams · 17/01/2006 08:57

Ah its always a worry eidsvold. Ds1's mainstream nursery experience was wonderful.

butty · 17/01/2006 09:34

I have been worrying about ds's future a lot at the moment, i keep drifting into sleep at night and quickly opening my eyes due to what i am thinking just to try and stop my thoughts.
I suppose i have never thought about the future upuntil recently.
I am scared at the moment as we are waiting to see a genetisist and i am so worried that they will find something wrong as stupid as it sounds.
I would rather have the DX of severe GDD and know that it is for life, i know it sounds selfish, its just the way i feel.
I am trying makaton with him at the mo as the likliness of him talking is pretty poor but his walking is improving!!!
Any way, regardless whether SN or NT i think we all worry about our childs future, so we are not cracking up on our own!!!

Butty.xxx

Saker · 17/01/2006 11:37

I worry about Ds2's future also most days. I also don't care whether he gets married or has kids etc but would like to think he could be happy and not continually lost in a confusing world. In a way they can be protected with the right schooling etc up to 16 but after that the world is a terrible scary place. Although life could be easier for us with a SN child I would put up with any level of difficulties now if I knew that he would be happy in 20 years time.

Saker · 17/01/2006 11:38

What you say is true Butty, my Dh says that you don't know what the future holds for anyone but it's hard not to feel the odds are more stacked against some than others.

getbakainyourjimjams · 17/01/2006 11:50

It's the lack of control ds1 will have over his own future that concerns me. That's why his future terrifies me, whilst ds2 and ds3 (I hope) future is an opportunity (for them).

butty · 17/01/2006 11:54

i know what you mean saker.

Its just that i use this realisation to sometimes rationalise my thoughts IYSWIM.

God only knows what the future holds for my ds, but i'm damned sure i'll try my best in every way possible to help him.

Butty.xxx

Dinosaur · 17/01/2006 11:59

I feel that although DS1 is doing very well academically, he will stand out increasingly from his peers as he gets older and I worry like mad that this will make him a target for bullying at the very least. He seems very vulnerable to me, and this is exacerbated by his extreme slenderness and delicate little pixie face - he is seems almost otherworldly sometimes.

Sorry, this is no comfort to you at all, Bh and in fact I have just succeeded in upsetting myself here. Sorry sweetheart!

coppertop · 17/01/2006 13:09

Ds1 is only 5 but I already find myself worrying about how he will cope at secondary school. It's the day-to-day stuff that worries me the most. I think anyone who tried to physically bully him would be in for a heck of a shock (as I discovered when ds1 made a would-be-bully of about 7yrs old cry when he himself was still a pre-schooler) but I'm not sure how he would cope with verbal bullying.

In the long-term I hope that he and ds2 will remain close and that they will look out for each other. Ds1 is a calming influence on volatile ds2. At the same time ds2 brings ds1 out of himself a fair bit so hopefully they will remain a good influence on each other.

Like everyone else I have no particular expectations about marriage etc but just want both boys to be happy. Ds1 has already told me anyway that "Only girls get married!"

doormat · 17/01/2006 13:10

petrified of the future for ds2 all the time

Original poster

Blossomhill · 17/01/2006 13:18

OMG Dinosaur. Just wanted to give you big hugs {{{}}} as I really didn't want to upset anyone
I will post more later as just doing a very much needed blitz of housework!!!!!!

OP posts:

Pixel · 17/01/2006 14:01

Funnily enough when I worry about ds's future my mind seems to blank out all the school years. I think this must be because I know his school is so fab and he will be happy there until he is nineteen hopefully. I do worry about what happens after that though.

I have a friend (he is 1yr younger than me and 1yr older than my sister so we sort of grew up together)who sustained brain damage as a child and still lives with his mum so I tend to imagine my ds being like him. On the one hand this would be great as he seems happy enough, holds down a job, albeit menial, drives his own car etc (atm these are distant dreams for my ds but I live in hope). On the other hand this sends me into a panic as he relies totally on his mum who is a tiny thing, only 5ft and losing her sight (already totally blind in one eye). An example is when we visited at christmas he said "mum had to help me put the lights on the tree". This from a man of almost 40 and a 4ft tree. It just brought it home to me that he will never be able to cope alone. What will happen to him when his mum dies? Must admit it sends a shiver through me to think of me and ds being in this situation one day.

Flip