I need honesty, gentle please, but honesty none-the-less

[tooearlymustdache]

And your opinions please...

Today I rang and asked the SENCO at DDs school for a meeting so I could bring along the Garnett and Attwood rating scale and Schools Behaviour Difficulties observation form, and talk through what our main concerns with DD in school were. She has issues with eating and toiletting mainly. (She's TTd at home, wets in school)

I get confused on the phone, have sheets of paper (notes from CAMHS sessions, tick sheets, diary notes etc are coming out of my ears) and much prefer face-to-face so conversations can develop, and i can ask and answer questions. I explained this to the SENCO.

CAMHS sent the school forms, to us, with a covering letter addressed 'to the Headteacher' and have asked us to ask school to fill them in.

Have I overstepped the mark here?

Have I broken protocol?

I'm asking because the SENCO is refusing to meet until she's spoken to our CAMHS worker 'because she doesn't know what I want the meeting for'.

Over to you -

SENCO is being obstructive. Demand a meeting.

Thanks cornsilxksxi - so you don't think I'm being all-demanding then?

She's left me feeling like the most paranoid parent to walk the earth

You really need to make sure school fill in those forms before they're needed.

Otherwise you'll end up at the CAMHS follow up meeting and they'll say they don't have the forms and you'll have to wait another 6 months.....

What's she on about??!! What a rubbish excuse!
Have the meeting and she'll know what it's about!

I was given forms for the school to fill in - I took them in, had a meeting with them about what they were for, they filled them in and returned them.

I'd not bother speaking to the SENCO and ask for a meeting with the HT.

The point of the meeting is that your DD is being assessed for ASD and you want them to fill in the forms. Full Stop. The SENCO should just take your word, meet with you and fill in the forms. She doesn't have to speak to CAHMS first at all and is being an arse.

(smee BTW, you like the new NN?)

on your behalf.

GRRRR

you are not being at all demanding OP
can't think why the SENCO would demand to speak to CAMHS - particularly as they haven't assessed her yet.

Bizarre. Did you tell her that cams had sent forms for her via you, and thy need then completed?

Call her back, tell her you will send the forms in dd's book bag tomorrow, so that she can see what they are, and then she needs to call you to arrange a meeting.

Quite often forms are completed in school and sent back directly to the professionals, they don't usually go back via parents if I'm honest (particularly things like snap iv, or forms where some calculation or comprehension is required before results can be extrapolated) so I can understand she might not want to go over the form with you, but to meet up, hand the forms over and have a general chat about concerns seems eminently reasonable.

I assume the second knows that dd has issues and was referred to camhs?

I can totally understand that the second doesn't want to be summoned to a meeting cold, with no idea what it's about, but if she's familiar with dd -and this an ongoing concern that the second has been dealing with, the only contact with camhs needs to be you handing over the forms, the second completing them, and then her faxing them to camhs.

Have you met up with her before, or have your meetings concerning dd been with the class teacher prior?

Feck. Apparently this damn machine turns senco into second, rendering an chat utterly illegible. Blardy autocorrect....

It's addressed to the HT - take it to the HT with a set date you expect it to be completed by (Put completion date request in writing and keep a copy)and let her deal with the senco.

The senco gets extra money on top of her basic wage to do this job. The HT is the one to remind her of this ; ) It's her job, she needs to do it. If she feels she doesn't want to do her job she can explain to cahms why not, and make herself look daft without stressing you out in the process.

I've gone past the pont where I'll let people give me the runaround for long on stuff that's pretty basic. You can't reason wth the unreasonable is one of the first tips I got on this forum and it's so true! These people will waste hours of your time explaining why they won't put themselves out to help your child if you let them.

Focus on outcome. You need the form filled in a timely manner.

Agree with indigo

Make sure the school have filled the forms in before the meeting - so annoying going into a meeting and making no progress because school havent filled in a form they have had for months

I have met and spoken with the SENCO before now, we have already managed to put some extra support in place at school for DD, so her attitude today has totally thrown me.

There is very little danger of getting to the next meeting with CAMHS and they not having all the relevant information - they have asked that all the forms etc are in before they can make the next appt! We even have the name of the consultant we'll be seeing....so near yet a big SENCOsized block is in the way of that.

Thanks for the support here, I really appreciate it

Our SENCO has said I can ring anytime and ask for a meeting. Hope you can arrange something with her soon.

You can write to her requesting a meeting and stating clearly that your preferred method of communication is face-to-face meetings because you don't feel you can articulate yourself well in writing or on the phone.

Schools have a duty to communicate with parents in the communication style that they can access, otherwise writers/phoners have an advantage etc.

well, i don't know what has happened but she (the SENCO) has just called me back and said since she can't get to speak to our CAMHS worker (and why should she ) we should go ahead with the meeting as it'll delay even more if we wait

i wonder if she has spoken to someone or even read this thread

thanks again for the support, i was in bits yesterday - rollercoasters aren't my favourite thing at the best of times

Thank goodness for that - I suspect that she has spoken to the head or someone else and has realised that she has to talk to you.

CAMHS won't tell her anything anyway without your say so surely?

the woman is on my hit-list

i just sat here and typed out a whole big rant about the shitty way she's treated me, and i thought 'you know what, i don't give a shit what she thinks, i'm taking no prisoners on this - it's my DDs life she's messing with here, and if i can't get the help she needs there, then we'll go elsewhere'

i'm still fuming - she thinks i'm an over-protective bored fucking housewife with nothing better to do than pour over a few odd behaviours

that's why it took us 45 mins to walk a 20mins journey home today and i'm washing yet another set of piss-soaked clothes that DD had to change by herself. again

sorry, am off to the drinks cabinet for a long one

CAMHS won't tell her anything anyway without your say so surely?

Exactly!

She has no right to be discussing your child with CAMHS without your consent.

Stay angry. You're right to be so.

I'd ask for a meeting with the Head and if that got me nowhere I would refer the matter to the school's SEN Governor and / or LA.

i think i'm developing a bit of a girl-crush on the Nurse Specialist from CAMHS, she's called me back today and agreed to call the SENCO and tell her to pull her finger out of her proverbial to stop being so obstructive.

not sure if this will make any difference, we'll see at the meeting, but it's good to know we have HCPs on 'our side' so to speak

well that was one of the most nervy hours of my life

meeting at school with SENCO, DDs class teacher, me, DH and a support from Parent Partnership.

SENCO tried to run the meeting, but I wouldn't 'let' her - i called the meeting, i was taking charge

we gave them a brief outline of how we'd arrived at the stage of assessment, she kept butting in saying 'this is not how we normally do things' i answered with 'well, i've never done this before at all, so it's all different for me' - she was very negative still. DH and i agree she thinks we've been self-diagnosing over the internet, ffs.
i'm still gob-smacked by this tbh, DD is not presenting many behavioural issues at school (apart from not eating, not going to the toilet and having a complete meltdown if her coat has been moved for eg)

DDs teacher had filled in the forms, and gave them back to us, he contradicts himself all over them (says he has put strategies in place to help DD get organised at home time, but says she is not dis-organised ) but we have them filled in!

and left the meeting with them agreeing to put an IEP and SA in place

i think that's a bit of a positive, don't you?

for all the support, you guys rock

Yay! Glad its positive news.