10 days into 2012 and I feel defeated already :(

[Becaroooo]

Title says it all, really

2012 was going to be the year that we sort out ds1's issues, potty train and get ds2 into pre school and get them both in their own beds.

Its the 2nd week of January and the virus I have been denying I have since xmas eve has become full blown, the housework I was going to do today is not going to get done, potty training is not going well (he actually wee'd in my face yesteday!) and ds1 (despite supplements and a healthier diet) is still hysterical at the thought being in bed alone. He is 8.5.

Dh and I disagree about how to deal with it - dh is all for cold turkey (which makes ds1 hysterical) and I think we have to do 1 thing at a time i.e. get his anxiety issues down, get ds2 into his own bed and then tackle ds1.

I realise part of the issue is that I feel very ill today and have a temp and are coughing up gunk but I am struggling to stay positive atm.

No replies needed, just needed to whinge to someone who would listen x

(((HUGS)))

I am replying as I am currently coughing up gunk and DS is on the sofa also coughing up gunk and we have been awake for close to 24 hours now grrrrr! Both tired and both teasy so its going to be a LONG day.....

I think it is a good idea to start with DS2 first especially if he is the easy option! and also you can relax in triumph that one is sorted before you help DS1 with his anxieties. My DH would be of the same opinion as yours though to just bite the bullet and go for it so its a man thing lol I think we as mums tend to learn how to feel what are children feel in order to get them help and we sometimes are practically living their anxieties out and can sense more quickly when they are distressed.

Be kind to yourself though it is only 10 days in. Stick to your mission but lengthen your goal as in by the END of 2012 you will be wishing us all happy new year on here and listing your major goals acheived! xxxx

Thank you both

Sleep well justabout x

coff Ugh, its horrid isnt it? Both dc had it before/over xmas and now we all seem to be getting it again.

You know when you look ahead and all you see is struggle?? Thats sort of how I feel atm.......

Potty training is always hard and depressing.

I certainly think you need to tackle one thing at a time - and your first priority is potty training DS2 so you can send him to nursery.

It's not the right time to get DS1 into his own bed now. You do need to get his anxiety down first. You know you're doing all the right things, and in a few more months he'll be ready.

And you're feeling sick and miserable. So be kind to yourself.

And be kind to DS1.

Aaw Becaroo I really feel for you, I've had a good moan on here the other day too! If you are ill I'd give yourself a few days to get yourself feeling back to 'normal' before you start with tackling things again, and then just start with one thing.

Have same issues to tackle (own bed and toilet training) and it seems insurmountable to be honest! I have same view point as you on cold turkey - my DS would just sob/be hysterical/throw up and his anxiety levels would be even higher than they were to be begin with. I'm doing a very slow gradual retreat from DS's room. Last week I sat at the end of his bed (reading a book with a book light on), last night I got in the bath (room next door to him) am aiming to gradually move away, it's worked in the past so worth a try. Do you think this might work with your ds? Does he have a nightlight? A bedtime routine that he likes?

I hope you feel better soon, and in the meantime go easy on yourself!

I think the new year brings this pressure to change your whole world for the better and we launch at the things we want to change and then get disheartened when they don't! That's what I've done the last week anyway!

Thanks.

Last night I was trying to sort ds2 out in the bathroom - which is opposite ds1's bedroom. I was struggling as a) felt like I was going to pass out every tme I bent over :$ and b) ds2 is being potty trained and decided to poo on the toilet last night and made a bit of a mess.

Dh came out to help me clean up (his poo is like velcro!) and ds1 just lost it...crying, anxious, begging dh to go back in, asking how long we would be...we were just across the landing fgs!!!

Just feel like a terrible mother...why is he like this? What is he so scared of?

Sigh. Sorry. Am off to bed now...feel awful :(

Is he only like this at night Becs?

I dont have this issue with DS to the extent you are having but he is terrified of the dark and as such had to have his room light, landing light and bathroom light on so he would stay in his room. No fear of him attempting to go downstairs as once the lights are out he wont go down. Bedroom light is now out purely because I told a big white lie that we cannot order anymore bulbs from the shop as they dont have them which caused 2 nights of hell but he has a night light/torch. He will still not allow us to turn landing and bathroom light off.

He is sensitive to noise too and hears all sorts but we seem to sort that out now by allowing him a dvd or his ds early on or his heaphones with music playing to drown out the creaks and bumps he hears until he settles down. It all depends on how high his sensory level is that particular day.

I have also found weighty blankets help and so does crowding him in with cuddlies of all descriptions a bit like a security nest.

And yes this cold is bloody rotten! It makes your brain foggy and my ribs hurt and no option on bed with DS home as well ugh! Get a good kip and hope you feel better for it.

I agree with indigo though just concentrate on one thing at a time x

He has always been an anxious child coff Even as a baby....scared of other children, other adults, loud noises, animals, new places, everything really I have always blamed myself...something I did/didnt do. I know better now but there is always that little voice at 4am saying "other children arent like this....you raised him...you caused the problem"

Dh just doesnt "get it" which is quite funny in a way as the apple didnt fall far from the tree in this case!!!!

His noise sensitivity has been loads better since the course of AIT but no-one, even paeds, seem to be able to give advice wrt night times.

He has never slept well....taken ages to go to sleep and then woken multiple times in the night and then is up at 6am EVERY morning - 6.30 at the latest. We have been at A&E with him til 3am sometimes (asthma) and he still woke at 6.30am...what can you do?

The GP - when he was about 2.5 - saw my desperation and mentioned medication for him but I was very against this at the time...I wonder now if I was wrong? My dh had to have medication to sleep as a child (although MIL when asked couldnt remember the meds and refused to believe dh when he said how long he was on them for!)

Do any of you have any experience of meds to help children sleep?

I am so tired.

I am just so tired.

Oh, Becs. I hated potty training. DS2 was great at weeing, but even at 12 poos are still a bit dodgy. I just wanted a house that didn't smell of poo. It was the worst part of the whole ASD thing for me, personally. This, too, will pass, but, oh, so slowly.

I think the sleep thing sounds worse, though. Melatonin is all I've heard of, which gets them off to sleep but doesn't keep them asleep, AFAIK, but it's a naturally occurring hormone? that they may have a deficiency of. There are slow release versions but I think they must be capsules rather than a liquid medicine.

Hi ellen

Am going to ring the paed we saw last year and see if he will perscribe melatonin....got to do something

I am really rubbish at being ill....I dont cope well and things get on top of me and hence the self pitying post

Thanks for replying

Please god, 4 hours sleep tonight!

Quick update:

Have made an appt with paed for 31 Jan to discuss melatonin for ds1.

And ds2 has not had any accidents today yet!!!

Shame I have got the plague...nevermind...

Well done DS2 clever boy!!

Dont dance around too much in excitement Becarooo I just attempted to keep DS company on just dance 3 (who is full of cold himself but no lax on the energy front!)and am currently coughing my heart up lol.

Hope the Pead will sort something out for you not long to wait for that appointment :)

coff I knew he could do it, the little monkey!! :) ds2 is full of snot too so he is quite happy playing with his building blocks atm. He will be wrestling with dh when he gets home though I am sure.

Feel really really dreadful....sweating, nausea, headache, muscle pains, sore throat, snot fest, the works!

Am v v v impressed you were able to even try just dance 3! Now lie down an put a wet flannel on your forehead!

re; melatonin...we have to do something... ds1 is 8.5 and there has been no improvement since he was an infant, if anything its worse

I am not just "watching and waiting" this year.....done enough of that and look where its got me!!!?

one thing at a time. get better before you even think about the other stuff. [lemsip]

but well done DS2

ayc I know, I know. I hate being ill...I am rubbish at it Just want to curl up on the sofa and watch my "The thick of it" dvds....

Lie on the sofa and behave yourself trust me, I'm a professional sofa prescriber

Becs LOL I was ok dancing to "nightboat to cairo" its the "everybodys shufflin" (DS fav one) that nigh on killed me LOL ended up sat on settee waving the wii remote shuffling my feet so DS thought I was dancing whilst going blue from coughing! thankfully DH came in and broke into a sweat with DS instead (who is now limping due to old age up to the shower hehehee)

I dont do the ill stuff very well myself and cant stand doing nothing or being forced due to this cold to do nothing ugh!

Now get on that sofa and watch that DVD!!

Ah. Hasnt quite worked out. I need footage of you dancing to that coff

Tried to go into the other room to watch "pointless"...I love that show!...and just gave up...ds1 coming in and moaning, ds1 coming in and moaning, dh coming in and just standing there like a great big tosser...sigh.

Will try and watch some TV later after dc are asleep - whenever the hell that may be...oh crappity crap!!! Just remembered - its bath night!

Cant do bending over today

dont do bending...........do dunking!!

Thankfully DD wasnt around with her iphone to video! the madness one was ok but the shuffling? serious issues with ones slippers!

Image for your eyes of DH? ...............song...........2 unlimited....Theres no limit. DH position? knees partially bent......backside stuck out..........two arms flailing in the air.......resembles cross between an orangutang and a baby about to mess its nappy Yes mate its called the "Dad Dance"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Thats cheered me up, thanks!

Funny you should say that MrsMagnolia as I had totally forgot that when DS was small the only thing he would rest/sleep to was the sound of the tumble dryer downstairs. He would never sleep upstairs in his cot so we ended up installing the thing on the landing! :)

Becs **

Tell us more I could do with a snotty giggle myself

Up to end Nov we lived in the middle of nowhere - no noise!

Where we are now is also very quiet bit more residential, so not sure thats it tbh.

coff it went viral on FB Have had to delete my account in shame

mrsm sorry should have said we have tried the cds, fans, etc....never found anything that has worked