I can feel a moan coming on !!

[Ineedalife]

I am sorry folks but I need a moan and some ideas. Actually it is two moans

Moan 1, Dd3's table manners are appalling, the food goes everywhere, she chomps with her mouth open and she wies her hands on the furniture or me.

She doesn't care, I try to ignore it but big sis moans at her and I am sure it makes her worse. She has no currency and I don't know how to make her want to eat nicely. She is 9.

Moan 2, Her social understanding isn't improving, yesterday we had a boy here who is fostered and when he was due to be picked up I said to him that xxx is on her way to pick you up and he said to Dd3 "My Mum is coming" so what does she say. " Well she's not your Mum though is she" God I felt so sorry for him, he was very good and said "no but she lets me call her mum."

I try to talk to her about these things but she gets really angry with me. As far a she is concerned she has no issues and nothing she ever does is wrong.

God that was serious moaning, sorry but I don't feel like I am making any progress at the moment.

'Dd3's table manners are appalling, the food goes everywhere, she chomps with her mouth open and she wies her hands on the furniture or me.'

DS eats like that too...nothing seems to make it stop either, he's 15. If I sit and tell him, to use your fork, close your mouth, don't put your fingers there, etc, etc he'll do it, for that mouthful as long as I'm actually watching - if I look away we have to go over it again and again for the next mouthful :(

He's worked with SALT and OT on it, he's got shaped cutlery and even had braces to improve his bite to see if that helped, nothing does.

I can't seem to get through to him why it matters and he won't even get in to the habit of eating better to please me (or get me off his case, whichever mode I'm in at the time, lol).

So not helpful, but I sooo understand how frustrating it is, he's a bright boy, which makes it worse somehow, in a...dear god DS just do it!!! way, lol

You are not alone when it comes to both tact or table manners, here is another one

It is tiring constantly reminding DS to use his knife and fork. He is so quick to down tools and use his hands even with a roast dinner! For this I have opted out of the use of a knife for now and have a spork (spoon and fork) and another fork so he handles it better. I always have kitchen roll on both sides of his plate now and tuck one down the front of him to stop him wiping his hands in the front of his clothes. He has trouble with knife and fork and we practice cutting up with playdoh/carrots etc away from dinner but also although he uses his hands he cannot stand having dirty hands either so its a constant eat/wipe eat/wipe. Another issue I have is DS smelling everyones dinner! I have to be real quick and get everyone to the table and start eating or he will smell the plates for some reason which is a problem.

Tact..........well DS has none of this which goes well with his lack of understanding of humour.

Part of it though is their honesty and that they base so much on fact. Well at least DS does lol and I spend a lot of my time cringing..... :)

Perfectly good 'moan' if you ask me.

One of my 7 year olds will not use cutlery. He eats Shreddies most days, with milk, with his fingers. He gets milk everywhere. He can't cut his own food so I do it and then he just shovels it in with his fingers. And he always wants a cuddle from me when he's all messy. I sit with a pack of wipes beside me.

He also makes inappropriate comments (very loudly as he is shouty) "why has that man got a big nose?".

My other son is a 'chomper'. You can hear him chew in the other room. It's like hearing a pig snuffling for truffles!

My (NT) daughter and I just tend to look at each other and sigh.

Thats why I love it here, there is always someone who knows what it's like.

We provide Dd3 with kitchen roll but she prefers the chair pad or her jumper or if I am really lucky, my jumper. She used to stand up in the iddle of a meal to give me a cuddle, well to wipe her mouth on my clothes. We did manage to stop that so I suppose we are making small steps.

She just uses a fork or spoon but quite often pushes the food into her mouth from the edge of the plate. If it can be picked up she will break it into tiny pieces and put it in her mouth.

At school she keeps her food in her lunch box and breaks off bite sized pieces, I know this because I go through the dinner hall every day to take DGD into nursery

I do love her honesty but it can be so cutting and sometimes I feel sad for her that she is going to end up with people not liking her.

Thanks folks I am glad to not be alone.

Defo not alone.. but my son is 14 and still the same which is prob not what you wanted to hear!

he is better with a knife and fork now, but he sounds like Totu's son (I like that phrase..snuffling for truffles is spot on!) and he still wipes his face, nose etc on his sleeves. That's when he notices he is covered in food, which he doesn't unless it is pointed out to him.

We have tried everything but it just doesn't seem to register!

Ds is another eat with fingers and wipe all over clothes type. I just cannot get him to use his cutlery. The other day I even had to stop him licking his plate clean while it was on the table! He gets a teatowel tucked into his clothes to save on washing.

Bad table manners and not a shred of tact...sounds just like my son, I'm always wiping off bolognese or chocolate handprints from my walls and defusing awkward situations where DS has just said the absolutely worst thing with a big smile plastered over his face ...his new one just now; "What's that really bad smell mummy?" when we visit other peoples houses.

I am loving snuffling for truffles it decribes mealtimes brilliantly.

Dd3 wiped chocolate all over the sofa the other day, she isn't even allowed to eat in the lounge!! Oh and vaseline, she put some on her lips and wiped the rest on the sofa. Luckily both came off with antibac spray, that stuff is amazing.

I banned drinks from the lounge again last night [although I don't remember allowing them]. Dd3 had left a juice carton on the carpet and her drink bottle from school too. It just does my head in.

She seems to have absolutly no concept of wanting to keep things nice. I had never owned a new carpet until I bought this one 3 years ago and I am beginning to wish I hadn't bothered.

Sorry to moan , I know lots of you are worse off than me but I just feel stuck at the moment with social skills, we have been discharged from everything now that she has a DX!! How does that work?