Talking about our children in front of our children......

[teamtwilight]

Have a paed app in the morning and I am very uncomfortable talking about my ds's issues infront of him.
He is not stupid and obviously listens to it all and I feel that it could have a negative impact on him.
This seems to be the norm as I have been to 3 or 4 app's and everytime me and my husband sit and talk to paed while my ds just hangs around.
There are no toys for him or anything!

The only alternative is for me to stay with my ds outside while dh goes in and discusses the issues or vice versa but I would prefer we go in together.

What happens when you go to your app?

We are really lucky, in that they have a playgroup/centre right outside the door of the paediatrician. It is the CDDC's playgroup. So children go and play there whilst the adults talk about them and then go into the room to be examined.

Having said that - I did ring and check that someone could be available to man the playgroup when we went to our last appointment as I didn't want DS to be in the meeting with us. He too picks up on everything and I don't want him hearing negative stuff about himself.

In the past when we've had important meetings with physios etc one of the assistants has taken DS off and played with him for half an hour.

I think you should be able to call and ask if they have a member of staff who you are familiar with - who could do this. When I called and asked they seemed a tiny bit surprised, but nicely surprised, and very understanding and it was as if it was something they were dutifully bound to do - hope that makes sense.

We go often, and lucky for us there is never just the pead. There is normally another adult there to play with dd while we talk.

Hmmm looks like we are unlucky in our area.
I guess another app tomorrow while my ds climbs under the hospital bed and poo's himself! He is obviuosly stressed while in there!
I will mention the issue to our paed though as I can't be the only one who thinks this.

How old is your ds?

He is 5.

My DS will be 5 next month, he has his first paed appointment this Friday, I'm planning on giving him my phone to play with, he's obsessed with Angry Birds and will zone out and become completely absorbed in the game so I can chat to the paed. Would that be an option for you? Or some kind of DS or other kids games console you could borrow from a friend? Even an mp3 player with some nice kids music or an audio book with some headphones?

Thanks Ihatecbeebies, that's a good idea.

Sometimes we take another relative with us so that they can take DS off for a while if we need to talk to the dr without him there.

Hi there - I hate doing this too. We avoid it as much as possible and we take a friend or relative with us when we go so he doesn't have to listen to us. His worst tantrum EVER kicked off just after I'd been talking with his nursery supervisor about his behaviour - it was then that I realised he could understand everything we were saying and he was just under 3 years old then! If he'll play with your phone, perhaps you could plug in some earphones so he can listen to the game or music or a story or something? Good luck x

I hated it too, I used to phone up before we went to appointments and ask if they needed to see Dd3, she gets really upset if she hears us saying things about her in front of her.

Most of the proffs were actually very understanding and we only took her when absolutly necessary.

Agree about the games on the phone or a DS and earphones if he will tolerate them.

Good luck .

DS just doesnt go with me anymore full stop. Unfortunately to much damage was done with the psychiatrist telling me to just go and get his hair cut (long story) This causes him pain due to sensory difficulties. My poor DS came out of the nearly 3 hour meeting asking me why no one wants him and if he got his haircut will people want him then :(

He hasnt forgotten hence major meltdown if he knows hes got an appointment somewhere and even though I explain its somewhere else he wont calm down till we have driven way past the exit on the roundabout!

I dislike this, now dh does out with ds to avoid him hearing negative stuff.

In the beginning I used to try and talk really quietly with dh keeping ds attention, obviously didn't work because ds told us to stop talking about his weaknesses

For the most part, DS2 is far too busy wreaking havoc in the paed's office to listen to what we are saying. I would think if there are no toys, that bringing something along to amuse your DC would be the best approach.

It's not talking about it with the paed in front of DS2 that I mind, actually, as if he does ask at some point, I will simply explain to him that we talk about his difficulties with the paed so that she can help us. It's the talking about it, having to explain to people out in public that makes me upset. It is precisely this reason that I do not explain DS2's disabilities to anyone when we are out and about. None of their business and I'll be damned if I'm going to say stuff about him right in front of him just to appease their outrage or curiosity.

The iphone and headphones worked wonders..thanks everyone,

Shame it was a dreadfull app full of blame on the famillies part. I obviously encorage my ds to behave badly and poo everywhere as I enjoy it!

Hangin on by a thread here.....

I'm glad the iphone worked to distract DS...quite horrified by what was implied in the app though! I'm angry for you could you put in a complaint?

Glad Ds was ok with the iphone :)

But sorry you are being made to feel its the fault of the family

change peads???? For what reason did she come up with that daft idea

Puzzled as to how they could think it's your fault?

I second the idea of a different paed. Odd.

It's a very long story...I suppose like many if yours are too.

Ds was on asd pathway exactly a year ago. Waited 10 months for Ed psych to assess.
She dismisses that anything is wrong at all and says it's purely behavioural. She promises to put us on waiting list for a super nanny type scheme for someone to do home visits.
We wait a further 3 months for app with senior nurse practitioner who works in partnership with paed (who we have never actually met and can't seem to get app with).
He originally put is on asd pathway. He now does a complete u-turn and agrees it's behavioural and we must need help in the way we are parenting him. (in our area we need 2 proffs to dx)
The scheme have never heard of us at this point so thanks to the ed psych for that! So nurse puts us on extremely long waiting list for sceme now and we wait.
I have been on an 8 week parenting course and will do whatever it takes but my gut feeling is there is more to this.

Ds soils himself everyday. Is still not dry at night. He has quirky ways (hoarding things, espcially if they are shiny he will take my scissors, hair brush keys etc and hide them in his bedroom)
Can be hyper but not constantly, passed his hearing test but appears not to hear very well. Is very touchy feely. And of course poor behaviour.

To sum up, after 15 months of app's and waiting we are no further into helping our family deal with these issues.