Aspergers but no meltdowns

[runninggal]

My DS1 - 10.6 is going to be assessed for AS shortly following concerns raised by school, the EP and me. I have noted traits for years but have always put them down to his mild DCD and ADD traits as no professional ever raised concerns about ASD. He has several traits, sensory, restricted interests, prefers doing things with adults to other children, self organisation issues, language processing issues , a bit literal and pedantic etc but the one that everyone that I have come across (on line mostly) seems to have is resistance to change in routine/a need to take control of things with meltdowns or major anxiety setting in when things go wrong. DS1 doesnt have this at all ( some minor anxiety when he doesnt get things right at school or panic that he wont be able to do something) but he has never had a meltdown in his life. He likes going to new places and doing new things (although would sometimes not want to stick at something after a while)

I do think there is more going on than just DCD and ADD but has anyone a child with AS that doesnt have any meltdowns and is an easy child to deal with, far easier than DS2 in many ways

Many children on the Spectrum do have meltdowns. But what is fascinating about ASD is the variety of behaviours that children show. So no one child will have all the issues that others describe; but you will often nod your head at a description and agree that yes that one does.
Perhaps your DS is someone who doesn't 'do' meltdowns. Perhaps you have handled him effectively so that he never gets that frustrated. Perhaps he has worked out strategies himself that either avoid triggers or calm him down before he gets there.

Or maybe he is not ASD. Not every child with sensory/movement issues is; only a Paed with an experienced Paediatric Multi-Disciplinary team can make that call.

Yup, I have a boy of eleven who sounds very like yours, was an easy baby and toddler too.
He is about to start the assessment process mainly just in case high school is tough for him.
He enjoys holidays and days out and will try new activities and copes well with routine changes from holidays to term-time etc.

One thing though, he does occassionally lose it with his brothers (who would try the patience of a saint at times) when they are very noisy or interfere with what he is trying to concentrate on. He will then shout or lash out but it doesn't last long and he always says sorry. Does your boy have siblings?
When he was younger he used to quietly go and hide under the duvet if things (usually sensory) got a bit too much for him.

DS1 (who i suspect is on the spectrum with some combo of ADD/AS but who is too social at school for official concerns to be raised) had horrendous tantrums from about two to eightish, about everything from broken biscuits to stopping him doing something he was enjoying. It was hellish.

Thanks to you both.
Wannabe I think its correct about him not doing meltdowns as such and maybe having some strategies in place.

Wigglybeezer - Your DS sounds very like mine and DS1 does lash out at DS2 for the same reasons as your DS. In fact its a very recent development and he can be a bit violent. Like yours it is shortlived and he is very sorry afterwards. I was going to put it in my initial post but I wouldnt say it was a meltdown and is only recent . Hopefully its not the beginning of something worse. DS1 is usually anxious to be seen as good and is gentle in nature overall, sounds like your DS2 DS1 will be starting secondary school in September and I want to get this sorted . Am tired of the Is he/Isnt he thoughts

runninggal, my ds1 was one of those "is he, isn't he" guys as well. The difference being that he will be 11yo this week, and has had enormous anxiety moments, although never full scale meltdown. He gets very tearful, shakes, everything causes him sensory overload (esp if we try to talk to him or ask him what's wrong, he says he can't understand what we are saying) Over the past year we have had very few of these as he has learned a set of strategies, including taking himself out of situations that he sees escalating into something which would distress him. He likes "same" but can accommodate changes or school holiday with (relatively) less routine and can even accommodate quite spontaneous decisions to go somewhere. It all hangs on him feeling part of the decision making, tbh - and if your ds has this, then maybe the world isn't such an unpredictable place. I've never met two people with the same version of AS, and it's striking how there are common threads but they are always in the light of the person's own character and personality - therefore making them unique in the way that they appear iyswim. The 'meltdown' issue is only one expression of anxiety, and it sounds like many of our children can actually develop ways of avoiding having to hit the panic button, luckily.

Thanks MrsShrek. He seems to have a bit of this and a bit of that but nothing is very significant on its own . I suppose that although I wouldnt say he is hugely anxious , he is always seeking reassurance that he has got things right amd this is probably a type pf anxiety for him

My son has ASD ..I'd call him Aspie tho his diagnosis is autism as he is very very verbal:) He has never been violent to anyone else in his life (he is 14) and under extreme stress his meltdowns are more dramatic sobbing ..he has also pulled out his own hair a few times , but usually he is highly anxious repetitive and stressed..but he doesn't hit out or trash the place..never has.

He is ok with going unfamiliar places as long as you say where when why and when we will be back! He just doesn't like uncertainty as this does make him anxious. Of my 4 teens he has been by far the easiest as he lives in his world (very narrow interests ..obsessed with wikipedia!) and is gentle and passive most of the time!

I you have met one person with autism.... you've met ONE person with autism

my DD has severe ASD and rarely has any meltdowns, in fact.

DS,6 has a diagnosis of classic autism, but probably now on the HF side as he still has severe speech delay. He is much easier than our NT daughter. Although he had toddler tantrums when young, he never had a meltdown. I was reading the other thread of how upset or frustrated people are about their life being limited and was thinking about starting a thread about DS not limiting our life in any way (did not want to come across as gloating about things by posting on that thread). Thanks for starting this thread as I was wondering if other people find that they can live life pretty much the way they would have apart from worrying about their SN child's future.

DS does not need prior warning about going somewhere, if we say we are going somewhere he will ask where it is. He also does not need routine, changes does not bother him, he loves going to new places, in fact he always ask to go on holidays. He is not violent, he will ask to continue with something he likes, but if we tell him no, he accepts. We might see few silent tears, but that's it. Whereas NT DD will start rolling around on the floor to have things her way.

Thanks to everyone. Even if they are common its obvious that meltdowns/always wanting to be in control are not essential for an ASD diagnosis and I recognise many of your DC's behaviours in my DS. Someoneoutthere - I know what you mean about that other thread. There was another one a while back about "Life with autism is" and its times like that I think DS1 cant possibly be ASD as life is so easy compared to the difficulties that some face. Your DD sounds like my DS2, he is the one always wanting things his way and is far more demanding

My DS2 doesn't have meltdowns as such, he withdraws instead. He becomes mute and will also try to hide in a safe place or bury his head in his hands. At a first glance he looks ok to everyone, and at school he would often still look as if all was ok to avoid conflict with teachers. But on a bad day he might not emerge for hours....

Thanks for the further replies.
Imogen - I'm no expert obviously but I believe that its common for ASD to be visible at home but not at school and vice versa,as a child can sometimes hold it together in one setting and then explode. I think ADHD has to show in 2 settings but I hadnt heard of it with ASD. However I suppose if after investigation by various experts nobody except parents were seeing anything , then you wouldnt really expect a diagnosis, as I imagine, although meltdowns may not be the issue, you would expect some manefestation of the ASD trait at home to be visible in another setting , at least to an expert.

Has he had a multi disciplinary assesment, ie the ADOS test or other diagnostic test or is she refusing to go down this route at all?

My ds 11 ,AS ,is also like yours, runninggal.He never has meltdowns and copes fine with routine changes, likes to go to new places etc.I would say lately I have noticed he has become hyper-sensitive to even the slightest critiscm and gets angry easily-but not a meltdown.Also he tends to lose interest in things quite quickly.He spends ages intensly focused on his area of special interest(whatever that happens to be at that time,as it changes frequently) but tires easily of unrelated things that interest his peers etc.I presumed it was because he was dx with very mild AS that he didnt have the classic meltdowns etc.

Jenny - your DS sounds so like my DS. Am thinking mild AS too at this stage

imogen, can you get your GP to refer you elsewhere, CAMHS or something for example? DS1 also had some very confusing areas - but the psychiatrist saw it all straight away and the ADOS scored him "more autistic" than we thought, iyswim. He does empathy, has a version of a ToM, can do a good impression of social interaction when he remembers to let the other person speak He shows no real traits in school - to the point where the SENCO stared at me like I'd gone daft when I said he was being assessed for asd. They thought it was "just" dyslexia, and that his processing issues and need for routines were all down to his poor literacy skills
Would seriously be seeking other opinions.

I know this is an old thread but rings so true for me. My son is 4.5 years. And he has just received a Aspergers Dx. He never has had meltdowns or behaviour issues as of yet, though I feel this could come as he gets older and enters school. His symptoms are expressive language issues, stuttering, sensory seeking behaviours (at home not when out, unless he's very comfortable), blank facial expressions when greeting people, doesn't remember to say hi/bye, talks about his favourite subject all the time, seems to want to play with other kids but isn't sure how to or what to say, repeats words over and over at home (verbal stim).. But yeah.. At the moment he is just a great quirky kid, well behaved almost all the time and isn't any trouble.... He is only 4 though..

Dd is 9 and has autism initially moderate to severe now I'd say HFA and has never had a meltdown in her life in fact she is like the most perfect child, always well behaved, always kind and gentle and considerate. She is actually just totally passive and complies with everything she has ever been taught.

No meltdowns here either.

My son whos 13 on mon has aspergers dx last sept...he started to have the melt downs around age11 ....usually to do with school ....we took him out of school afew weeks ago ......long story...not any now.....is quite happy.....

This is a very interesting thread. My dd is 13 and has been diagnosed with mild/moderate ASD. She has ADHD traits, SPD, PDA traits, auditory processing problems, dyspraxia and hypermobility all rolled in with harmones! She's been really hard work from the age of 18 months and has continuous meltdowns daily. My DS 5 had delayed speech which is now classed as disordered and hypermobility. He was referred to the CDC by his speech therapist because of my concerns that he hasd hypermobility. They confirmed it but also said he needed further assessment for ASD! I was really surprised as he is really placid and has passed my daughter in many areas already! The specialist SALT said that he has a laid back personality which makes such a difference and said that it was possible to not display many difficulties (like my dd). He is extremely observant and does have social anxiety but that is improving as he gets older. She said that he does some social things too well for his age so they think he's taught himself by observing rather than it coming naturally. He also really likes to help and is over compliant in school. He listens to what I say far better than the other kids in his class with their mothers Until I read this thread I thought they must be wrong but maybe they haven't! He should be assessed later this year.