Awful, patronising Guardian article by the unqualified at anything much Barbieri

[appropriatelytrained]

As a regular Guardian reader, I was really unimpressed to come across this article in their 'Family' section yesterday.

This woman used to write the 'personal shopper' column in the Family section so God knows why she is now imparting her wisdom' on such sensitive subjects.

She appears to have decided that the right person to approach is not a nationally renowned expert psychologist or psychiatrist or paediatrician or neuro-developmental expert but a woman called Alexandra Maeja Raicar who has published a book on attachment disorders and who seems to be a counsellor of some sort judging by this site

I am frankly surprised that any professional would comment in such a way on such sensitive matters without ever seeing the child or her parent and I am shocked at the bald assertion that this is basically the parents' fault without other issues being considered.

I may write as Ms Angry from mumsnet

Bloody hell, App that was incredibly patronising wasn't it. I would be furious if someone made judgements like about me in any case whether they met me or not but to do so without any personal experience of the family is outrageous.

It bites of when I got told once 'your boys are always sooo well behaved for others, do you think it could be a parenting issue? maybe Webster Stratton might help'...

Erm well maybe its cos when they go to their clubs for disabled etc they're with their mates and have 1:1 attention and also lots of great activities to do and get their own way about everything!!! And maybe just maybe it's cos they've got Fragile X syndrome!

Grrr know all know nothings was a saying we had down South!

. That is stunningly one-sided "advice". If the child was an only child I imagine that would be cited as the "reason" for the child's difficulties.

It's always the mother's fault, dontcha know. Oh and you must always gloss over the fact that any siblings are perfectly happy and well-behaved.

That's EXACTLY the kinda nonsense that comes from my local Cahms by peeps that have never met the child.

The sensible advice would be to tell the family to get a referral from school/GP to a pead as a first step. Over emotionalism and weepiness can be caused anemia especially if the chld is heading towards and early puberty (not all probs with kids are caused by special needs).

Without meeting the child (note she doesn't suggest that!) noone can know whether the child is suffering from early stage leukemia or is being abused at school, much less whether she's asd or one of the myriad of hidden disabilites.

Casting aspersions on the parents relationship is particularly low and is telling them it's ther fault. It's projection at best. General rule of thumb - shite parents don't seek help ffs!

"Experts" like this do so much damage, it makes me really angry! There really should be legislation to prevent it.

She assumed, without apparent evidence, that it was entirely a parenting issue. No other option explored.

I did wonder whether there was more in the letter that got lost in the editing, because her advice to this struggling father was so poor.

She does mention that there were referrals mentioned in the letter but if such issues were relevant to the giving of such superficial and one-dimensional, they required mentioning.

There are so many other experts that could have been contacted but then, I think, a responsible clinician would not wish to be involved with labelling parents third hand.

She's a former fashion writer and fishing columnist apparently. Honestly, aren't there dozens of more appropriately qualified writers out there who would be better qualified to comment on family problems??

This summarises for me ALL that is wrong with SEN provison in this country.

In RL a "learning mentor" or "support worker" will make such snap judgements over a family in crisis and prevent them accessing help for years. The only people not qualified to a reasonable opinion on a child are the family, even if they have some profesional skill in the area.

Agree re a responsible clinician not wanting to be involved.

she so often gives crap advice makes me crazy.

We should post on the page and tell the poor family to come over here!!

tralala - she obviously knows the right people as she seems to write for lots of papers so she must be in someone's dinner party set 'dah-ling'.

Surprised to see such crapness in such a right on paper.

It's so ridiculous it made me laugh - 'Darling you just can't 'complete' who you are but not to worry, I've just found out it's all our fault ' But on a serious note, these superficial and incomprehensible assumptions are not confined to newspaper columns unfortunately.

There was a letter in the problem page of the Mirror a few months back where a woman was complaining about her husbands general lack of empathy. All the things she was saying screamed out autism but Coleen Nolan basically told her to give him a kick up the arse. A few weeks later there was a little follow up piece saying loads of people had written in suggesting autism. Who on earth got the idea that Coleen Nolan was qualified to give out advice is the one who needs the boot up the backside.

I read that too. Agree wholeheartedly that she frequently pedals shoite advice.

I read it....................CRAP sorry but if I had a reply like that I cant repeat here what I would have told the woman. Fishing columnist?? definately fishing the wrong pond where this poor chap was concerned

Straight away its the mums fault...........didnt write in, what is their relationship like...........was she depressed and a "little" emotionally unavailable to her child after the birth.

Brings back my first camhs experience.......................hit you where it hurts, let you go home doubting yourself and self blame and then months down the line.............OH NO! it wasnt your fault after all

tempted to find out how to use twitter just to type a mouthfull and get banned LOL

You can post on the page.

Acually it sounds just like me as a child. And I do think my Mother's parenting was partly to blame, although she only followed the "professional" advice at the time. And she always found my sister easier than me, and still does now we are adults.
The way it is put isn't very helpful, but it doesn't mean she is wrong.

No id doesn't mean she was wrong, but if she said, your child's trousers are too tight she could equally be right. It doesn't make her 'advice' helpful.

The point is she could be right, but, this type of behaviour could a sign of a lot of other things too couldn't it? And isn't that exactly the problem with her leaping to conclusions when she is not professionally qualified. I'm sure the writer wasn't writing in for 'musings' but to be pointed in a constructive direction.

If those of us who post on here regularly were to say 'she must be autistic' whilst ignoring other possibilities, we would be equally limiting .

She should provide guidance and that means options

I wonder why he wrote in anyway, as they had already consulted the school and an EP in RL.

Unfortunately it is self assumption and no tact that annoyed me. Yes she could "possibly be correct" but it is guesswork when all you have is a letter to base things on. And guesses are dangerous especially when not even from a medical proffessional and broadcasted in a newspaper.

As to why the man wrote in. I suppose when you are seeking help and advice for your child you are willing to contact anyone in desparation of some answers. I doubt very much he was expecting to read he needs a parenting book.........

Far better she had listed all the possibilities from the minor to the major, listed various reading material that may be of use to him, and told him he was right to seek proffessional help as a family as a whole.

I thought it said he had consulted an NHS psychologist rather than an EP.

I think alot of us get very angry about this sort of thing precisely because we know how crap, frankly, schools and NHS services can be. The idea that a school would know what to do or even where to refer is a very long shot. If referred to CAMHS for a psychologist, well God help you frankly.

I was very lucky. No one ever suggested my son's Asperger's was down to parenting but I know others who have fought through similarly dismissive and destructive suggestions to end up with an eventual diagnosis. I also know someone whose child was an active contributor to the NAS campaign in relation to CAMHS precisely because of poor experiences with them.

That site has 2012 on it...................curious now that this is now an advertising feature for the random woman who deals with attachment to crystal healing

Mind you on nearly every page it does say proffessional help should be sought first.................and that is what this columnist should have told the man.

I thought it said he had consulted an NHS psychologist rather than an EP
He had sought advice though.

That website! &